Table of ContentsfromTHE COUNSELOR TRAINING WORKBOOK ©
Developed by Dr. Caren Baruch-Feldman
Week 1: Developing a Positive Relationship with Your Campers
Getting to Know Your Campers
A Relationship Is Like a Bank: Establishing a Positive Cash Flow
Changing One’s Focus from the Negative to the Positive
Use a Win-Win Approach Rather than a Power Struggle
Empathy and Active Listening
Establishing Clear Expectations
Facilitating Friendships
Week 2: Tips from the Trenches - Gain Helpful Tips from Experienced Counselors
Transitions
Campers and Eating
Reluctant Swimmers
Dressing Suggestions
Some Last Tips
Week 3: Help! - I Am Still Struggling. What Can I Do Now?
Can’t Versus Won’t
Behavior Management 101
Giving Effective Instructions
Group Plans and Incentives
Individual Plans
Weeks 4 & 5: My Boys/Girls Are Getting Very Comfortable and I
Have Two New Campers for the Second Month….
Helping Second Month Campers Adjust to Camp
Dealing with Cliques
Bullying
Disrespect and Lack of Participation
Balancing the Requirements of High Need Campers with Paying Attention
to the Rest of the Group
Working Effectively with Parents
Week 6: Staying Motivated and Healthy During “Week 6”
Weeks 7 & 8: Ending Camp on a Positive Note
Saying Goodbye
Camper Evaluations
Childhood Development: Typical Developmental Behavior for Ages 5-14
Special Concerns
How Do I Work With Campers Who Worry?
How Do I work With Campers Who Have Sensory Issues?
How Do I work with Campers who have Attentional Issues and Are Disorganized?
Excerpts from the Counselor Workbook ©
Developed by Dr. Caren Baruch-Feldman
A Relationship Is Like a Bank: Establishing a Positive Cash Flow
Your relationship with the kids is like a bank account. Every time you are kind, honest, trustworthy and responsible, you build up a reserve. In contrast, every time you make a mistake, overreact or ignore a camper, you withdraw from the account.
If you have been consistently making deposits into the “bank,”the relationship can handle it if you make a mistake.However, if you have not made many “deposits” and positive interactions haven’t occurred, then the bank account will be overdrawn.
To make sure that your bank account doesn’t run out of “funds,” you need to make regular deposits. According to research, it takes seven nice actions to undue one negative behavior. Also, the impact of a withdrawal depends on the amount of “money in the bank.” When there is a lot of money in the bank, taking out some money doesn’t really affect you. In contrast, if you only have a few dollars in the bank, taking out that same amount will be felt significantly. So early in the season, it is important to pay close attention to building relationships with your campers. It is worth the effort to make “deposits.”
There are five major deposits you can make to the Emotional Bank Account:
1. Understanding Your Campers. Only by truly knowing your campers can you determine what qualifies as a “deposit” and what qualifies as a “withdrawal.” To build a relationship, you must learn what is important to them and make it important to you. Understanding your campers well, and then treating them properly based on that understanding, yields a positive relationship.
2. Attend to the Little Things. They are often the big things in relationships.
3. Keep Commitments.Breaking a promise is a major withdrawal.
4. Clarify expectations. The cause of almost all relationship difficulties is rooted in ambiguous, conflicting expectations vis-à-vis roles and goals. Make an investment of time and effort at the beginning of camp to develop clear expectations so that a major withdrawal doesn’t have to occur later.
5. Apologize Sincerely When You Make a Withdrawal.Sincere apologies are deposits, but repeated apologies are interpreted as insincere, resulting in withdrawals.
Changing One’s Focus from the Negative to the Positive
“Repeated positive actions will generally lead to a positive routine.”
- Pirkei Avot 4:2
It is an interesting human characteristic that we have a propensity to focus on the negative. I can have 100 positive phone calls with parents, but one negative phone call will stick out in my mind. My children can be playing nicely for hours and I don’t feel a sense of urgency to stop what I am doing and to say, “I really like how you are playing.” But, the second I hear some loud noise or my kids start to fight, I immediately feel compelled to respond. I am sure you can remember vividly the one negative comment made by a teacher and only vaguely remember the ten positive ones that the same teacher made.
Understanding that we are wired to pay attention to the negative is important. As a counselor you really need to retrain yourself to focus on the positive.
This positive focus can be accomplished by making a concerted effort to notice and recognize when your campers do the right thing. For example, your campers are playing nicely and you deliberately acknowledge this behavior as opposed to only intervening when negative behavior occurs.
I know for myself that when people compliment me, I am much more likely to repeat the complimented behavior. For example, I hate getting up early in the morning. Any extra sleep I can get is a true blessing. But when I take the time to shower in the morning (thereby losing some sleep), I receive all these compliments about how nice my hair looks. I really don’t want to spend the extra time in the morning, washing and blowing my hair, but the compliments motivate me to continue.
It is easy to have the attitude that the kids ought to be good, so why bother to acknowledge it? By noticing the good things they do, however, you have a better chance of seeing these positive behaviors occur again.
If all you notice are the negative incidents, children will learn to misbehave in order to get your attention. For some, negative attention is better than no attention at all and, therefore, they will misbehave to be noticed.
How can you put this plan into practice with your campers? Each day try to notice and recognize at least one positive behavior in each camper. (See Activity #3)
Take notice when your group, as a whole, has done a nice job and let them know that you are pleased. (See Activity #4)
It is best when giving a compliment to be specific, instead of general. For example, it is better to say, “I like the way that you said ‘please’ when you asked for the water,” than to say, “What you did was nice.” By being more specific, you are letting the campers know exactly what was appreciated and, as a result, they’re more likely to repeat it. It is especially nice to use praise with the following characteristics: friendship, good sportsmanship, flexibility, honesty, strength, and creativity. Examples of this are: “Thank you Meredith for being a good friend and making sure Sarah was included in the game.” “I appreciate how flexible you were in switching seats with Benjamin.”
Lastly, notice if there is a child you are constantly reprimanding. Have you gotten into a “praise deficit?” Have you found that the relationship has gotten negative? If that is the case, try to catch the child being good even if it is a small action (e.g., sitting at lunch for two minutes quietly; saying “please” or “thank you”). By recognizing small positive actions, the negative cycle can be broken.
Use a Win-Win Approach Rather than a Power Struggle
“Whatever is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow man. This is the whole Torah; all the rest is commentary.” - Hillel
It is easy in the heat of the day, during the last period, to get into a power struggle with a camper -- but nobody wins in that scenario. As much as possible, try to figure out a solution that works for you and the camper. For example, nagging, yelling and threatening a child who is slow to get dressed is often what you feel like doing when you have eight to ten other kids pulling at you. This reaction, however, isn’t effective on many levels. One, it really doesn’t help the child get dressed faster. Two, you will not feel good about how you handled the situation. Ask yourself the following question: If the camp director was standing behind me would I choose this tactic?
The goal is to create a win-win situation - one in which the child succeeds without shame, and your goal (e.g., getting dressed) is accomplished.
Strategies to keep in mind when creating a Win-Win Approach. (See Activity #5)
1. Take a Break.Don’t react to a camper when you are angry. Typically when people are very angry they say and do the wrong things. Wait until you have calmed down before talking to the child again. Focus on another child first, take a few deep breaths, count to 10, or ask your co-counselor to take over with that child.
2. Don’t Resort toFight-or-Flight Reaction. When a camper becomes angry or resistant it is easy to get into a fight-or-flight reaction. That is, you may want to fight or argue with the camper or, conversely, you may want run the other way and ignore the problem. Neither one of these reactions is helpful. Instead, as we will discuss later, it is important to have a plan in mind for those instances in which the camper’s behavior makes you very angry.
3. Speak Privatelywith the Child About a Problem Situation. Often when a child is spoken to in front of a whole group, he/she will be embarrassed. To save face, the child will often continue to act out or escalate the problem. By speaking privately to a camper, you have a better chance of being successful and the camper is less likely to be embarrassed.
4. Sometimes an Indirect Approach Is Best. Using an indirect approach can help the camper to save face. Sometimes using feeling statements or humor work well because they indirectly address the behavior you are working toward. For example, instead of asking a child to get dressed, you can say, “You must be cold in that wet bathing suit.”
4. Make a ProactivePlan. It is important to anticipate problems. Think about the situations that are most difficult(e.g., changing clothing, or dealing with very hot weather, etc.) and develop a proactive plan. Identifying these situations will help you structure your day in such a way as to minimize or avoid these problems altogether. Once you figure out the situations that are most likely to lead to problems, it is much easier if you have a plan in place.
5. Don’t Take What the Kids Say or Do Personally. Sometimes it may feel like the campers are trying to push your buttons. And they may really be trying to push your buttons! But you will do best if you remember that this is part of growing up. Even if a child’s outburst is directed at you, it doesn’t really reflect anything about you. This is a way in which young people learn about social relationships, especially relationships with authority figures. It could also just be an expression of exhaustion or frustration on the part of the camper.
6. Try to See the World from the Child’s Perspective. Use empathy by recognizing what the child is going through (e.g., “I see that you are upset that you lost your towel”). A camper can move past what is disturbing him/her if he/she first feels validated (more on empathy in the next section).
7. Remember Kids Are a “Work in Progress.” Although we would all like the campers to be perfect at listening and behaving, they are children who are still growing. Some of the most rewarding experiences come from helping campers grow in the right direction.
8. You Are Not Alone. Ask for help. Everybody struggles and your co-counselors and Group Leaders are here to help you.
Example of Activity #5
Discuss with other counselorswhich times of the day and/or activities can be difficult for your age campers. Make a plan so that you are prepared.
1. Time of Day that is difficult______
Plan to try out ______
1. Activity that is difficult______
Plan to try out ______
2010 © Dr. Caren Baruch-Feldman
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