The Sun Goes Down on Summer
Steve Lawhead's poem, "The Sun Goes Down on Summer" creates a picture of a student returning to school after a long sweet summer. But is that all there is to the poem? Aside from the obvious surface message, what deeper messages or themes do you read in this work?
Write a paragraph describing at least one deeper message (ex. loss of freedom, being true to yourself, etc.), in the poem. Include one topic sentence (a sentence with a subject and an opinion) for each deeper message you describe and then a concrete detail to back it up (example quote from the poem that illustrates your opinion). Finally, add your commentary about how that quote proves your topic sentence to be true. You need to write at least two commentary sentences for each concrete detail or example you provide. Finish with a concluding sentence.
Definitions
Concrete Details (CD)
Specific details that form the backbone or core of your body paragraphs (AKA facts, specifics, examples, descriptions, illustrations, support, proof, evidence, quotations, paraphrasing, plot references).
Commentary (CM)
Your opinion or comment about something -- not concrete detail (AKA opinion, insight, analysis, interpretation, inference, evaluation, explication, reflection).
Chunk
One sentence of concrete detail and 2 sentences of commentary – it is the smallest unified group of thoughts that you should write.
CONCRETE AND ABSTRACT NOUNS
Concrete Noun - A concrete noun names a thing that can be seen, heard, smelled, touched, or tasted.
Abstract Noun - An abstract noun names an idea, feeling, quality, or characteristic.
For the most part, nouns are characterized as persons, places and things. The last characteristic of a noun is the idea, which is abstract.
Concrete Nouns:
Examples: hotdog, friend, paper, television
Abstract Nouns:
Examples: courage, democracy, love, pride
Dramatic Irony
Dramatic irony occurs when there is miscommunication in a book, play or film and the audience is smarter than the characters.
•Example: As an audience member, you realize that if a character walks into an abandoned warehouse, chances are a killer is waiting... but because you are a member of the audience you cannot disclose the information to the character.
•Example: In Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare Romeo finds Juliet in a drugged state and he thinks she is dead. He kills himself. When Juliet wakes up she finds Romeo dead and kills herself.
•Example: In Macbeth by William Shakespeare Macbeth appears to be loyal to Duncan but he is planning Duncan's murder. Duncan doesn't know Macbeth's plans but the audience knows what is going to happen.
This is most often seen in horror films. If you are watching a horror movie, you know by the actions of a character that their number is about to be up.
Log onto the following site to view a lesson on dramatic irony:
The following definitions are taken from:
John Friedlander, associate professor in the English department at Southwest Tennessee Community College. It is used here with his permission.
Abstract and Concrete Terms
Abstract terms refer to ideas or concepts; they have no physical referents.
[Stop right here and reread that definition. Many readers will find it both vague and boring. Even if you find it interesting, it may be hard to pin down the meaning. To make the meaning of this abstract language clearer, we need some examples.]
Examples of abstract terms include love, success, freedom, good, moral, democracy, and any -ism (chauvinism, Communism, feminism, racism, sexism). These terms are fairly common and familiar, and because we recognize them we may imagine that we understand them—but we really can't, because the meanings won't stay still.
Take love as an example. You've heard and used that word since you were three or four years old. Does it mean to you now what it meant to you when you were five? when you were ten? when you were fourteen (!)? I'm sure you'll share my certainty that the word changes meaning when we marry, when we divorce, when we have children, when we look back at lost parents or spouses or children. The word stays the same, but the meaning keeps changing.
If I say, "love is good," you'll probably assume that you understand, and be inclined to agree with me. You may change your mind, though, if you realize I mean that "prostitution should be legalized" [heck, love is good!].
How about freedom? The word is familiar enough, but when I say, "I want freedom," what am I talking about? divorce? self-employment? summer vacation? paid-off debts? my own car? looser pants? The meaning of freedom won't stay still. Look back at the other examples I gave you, and you'll see the same sorts of problems.
Does this mean we shouldn't use abstract terms? No—we need abstract terms. We need to talk about ideas and concepts, and we need terms that represent them. But we must understand how imprecise their meanings are, how easily they can be differently understood, and how tiring and boring long chains of abstract terms can be. Abstract terms are useful and necessary when we want to name ideas (as we do in thesis statements and some paragraph topic sentences), but they're not likely to make points clear or interesting by themselves.
Concrete terms refer to objects or events that are available to the senses. [This is directly opposite to abstract terms, which name things that are not available to the senses.] Examples of concrete terms include spoon, table, velvet eye patch, nose ring, sinus mask, green, hot, walking. Because these terms refer to objects or events we can see or hear or feel or taste or smell, their meanings are pretty stable. If you ask me what I mean by the word spoon, I can pick up a spoon and show it to you. [I can't pick up a freedom and show it to you, or point to a small democracy crawling along a window sill. I can measure sand and oxygen by weight and volume, but I can't collect a pound of responsibility or a liter of moral outrage.]
While abstract terms like love change meaning with time and circumstances, concrete terms like spoon stay pretty much the same. Spoon and hot and puppy mean pretty much the same to you now as they did when you were four.
You may think you understand and agree with me when I say, "We all want success." But surely we don't all want the same things. Success means different things to each of us, and you can't be sure of what I mean by that abstract term. On the other hand, if I say "I want a gold Rolex on my wrist and a Mercedes in my driveway," you know exactly what I mean (and you know whether you want the same things or different things). Can you see that concrete terms are clearer and more interesting than abstract terms?
If you were a politician, you might prefer abstract terms to concrete terms. "We'll direct all our considerable resources to satisfying the needs of our constituents" sounds much better than "I'll spend $10 million of your taxes on a new highway that will help my biggest campaign contributor." But your goal as a writer is not to hide your real meanings, but to make them clear, so you'll work to use fewer abstract terms and more concrete terms.
by SONIA SIMONE33 COMMENTS
How to Supercharge Your Content With Concrete Details
One of the cornerstones of powerful writing is the use of concrete details that can tell your story for you. I don’t care if you’re writing a sales letter, a blog post or a short story for The New Yorker, you need details.
They have to be vivid.
They have to be compelling.
And they have to matter to your reader.
“Show, don’t tell” is one of the most important rules of effective writing. Instead of telling readers “the car chase was exciting,” the writer finds the perfect details to put the reader right into the action, with the gear shift vibrating under her hand and muddy grit splattering the windshield.
Learn the art of using concrete detail and you’ll learn how to put your readers into any emotional state you want. Make them hurt, make them hope, make them crazy with curiosity to find out more.
Create credibility with incidental details
Which of the following two do you find more convincing?
“A local business used my marketing services and attracted significantly more customers.”
vs.
“Jenny Lee–who makes a damned fine coconut cream pie, by the way–used my techniques to promote her bakery. Before she talked to me, she used to see about 60 customers a day. Last Saturday she served 314 happy customers, and she’s seeing those numbers climb every day. She told me she was going to take out that little bell that “dings” when a customer comes in, because the dinging is driving her up the wall. Mind you, it’s her pies and cakes (and that great smile) that bring them back, but it’s my marketing techniques that got them through her door in the first place.”
It may not win any writing prizes, but the second example is inherently more convincing. It’s stuffed with concrete detail… the name of the baker, what kind of pie she makes, precise numbers. The writing speaks to multiple senses… the taste of coconut cream pie, the sight of a great smile, the ding of the customer bell.
The more specific details you use, the more credible the story becomes. You don’t necessarily need to pile them on the way I have here. Good novelists spend a lot of time and thought coming up with the perfect single detail that tells the whole story. But if you don’t happen to be a great novelist, give yourself permission to layer in a few details to make the picture come alive in your reader’s mind.
This is a big part of why long copy consistently outperforms short copy, by the way. Long copy gives you room to add the specific details that make your story more compelling and believable.
Use color to paint a mental picture
We are a visual species. No matter what your dominant learning style is, you’ll remember new information better when it’s accompanied by a strong visual.
While actual images can be a valuable addition, one of the strongest ways to create visual impact in your copy is to use a color word. This almost forces your reader to paint a mental picture, which anchors your idea in his consciousness.
Remember the “red hills of Georgia” from Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech? Then there was Homer’s wine-dark sea. Or to go from the sublime to the ridiculous, how about Monica Lewinsky’s infamous blue dress?
Associating an idea with a color is a great way to anchor a particular thought or fact in your reader’s memory. When you’re looking for concrete details for your copy, try to incorporate a color. The impression you make will be more vivid and more enduring.
Make your details relevant
Ever started reading a book that began with a detailed description of a sunset, or the ocean, or a pristine forest? How long did it take you to start skimming until something interesting happened?
Microbiology textbooks are full of details, but most people don’t find them interesting. Details have to answer an interesting question for the reader. Talk about something that benefits them (like seeing more customers and making more money). Talk about their problems. Talk about people–we almost always find stories about people interesting. Talk about an emotional trigger, like food or babies or bankruptcy or an unexpected death.
Details about most products are boring. Details about people and how they’re solving their problems are much more interesting.
Almost every piece of writing can be improved with the skillful use of concrete details. Start using details today to make your copy more persuasive, more memorable, and more effective.