THE BITS…
The NCAA college basketball tournament is in full swing and you can tell everyone has March Madness fever. Even Dick Vitale asked his boss for time off so he could watch the tournament.
The NCAA college basketball tournament is in full swing. In businesses and offices around the country people have stopped work;they’re goofing off and not getting anything done. It’s almost like they’re members of Congress.
The NBA says that sponsored logos will likely come to their basketball jerseys in the next five years. I’m personally looking forward to rooting for the Microsoft Trailblazers and the United Airlines Bulls.
Tiger Woods reportedly has a bulging disk in his back. At least now Tiger is having trouble with something bulging in his back instead of his front.
Earlier this week, Courtney Love claimed that she found that missing Malaysian airliner. Not only that, now Courtney that claims she found the Loch Ness monster.
Earlier this week, Courtney Love claimed that she found that missing Malaysian airliner. However, Courtney now admits that she was mistaken. Courtney says she’d just been watching a rerun of Lost.
The Internal Revenue Service says scammers masquerading as agents have bilked taxpayers out of more than $1 million. Of course, that’s nothing compared to what the IRS has bilked taxpayers out of.
The Internal Revenue Service says scammers masquerading as agents have bilked taxpayers out of more than $1 million. What terrible, awful, despicable people. Not the scammers-the IRS.
SON OF THE BITS…
Honolulu police are urging state officials to keep a law that allows undercover officers to have sex with prostitutes. In a related story, the Honolulu Police Department has received several million undercover officer job applications.
Honolulu police are urging state officials to keep a law that allows undercover officers to have sex with prostitutes. Who knew that they were called undercover cops because they worked under covers?
A Swiss Emmentaler has won the title of 2014 World Championship Cheese in Wisconsin. In fact, they say it’s what all the Packers fans will be wearing on their heads next season.
A Swiss Emmentaler has won the title of 2014 World Championship Cheese in Wisconsin, scoring 97.85 points. The cheese would’ve scored even higher had it not fallen while attempting a double lutz.
NASA scientists say they think they may have spotted waves on the seas of Saturn’s moon Titan. They say that it means the moon could support life and the Beach Boys.
NASA scientists say they think they may have spotted waves on the seas of Saturn’s moon Titan. Scientists say they’re hoping leads to the discovery of chicks in bikinis.
Fred Phelps, founder of the anti-gay Westboro Baptist Church, has died. The family says that the funeral will be closed-minded.
Fred Phelps, founder of the anti-gay Westboro Baptist Church, has died. The funeral will only be for immediate family and protesters.
TODAY’S AUDIO…
Today on the Bitman audio feed we have clips from American Idol, Hell's Kitchen and a late night round up with Dave, Craig, Seth, Conan andthe Jimmys.
Plus more from Ron Jordan and the Bitman audio archive! It’s all at BitmanComedy.com in the Subscribers area
Not hearing anything? TV Sound bites are available at BitmanComedy.com! If you need access to the site, contact Adrienne Munos at United Stations Radio Network at 561-381-7598 or
TINSELTOWN TATTLER…
Is the fix in on “THE VOICE”? A 32-page legal document that contestants are forced to sign has surfaced and it says that the singers can be booted at any time, and producers can manipulate the show’s outcome by ignoring fans’ votes. Famed attorney Raoul Felder told the National Enquirer, “Based on these reports, if I was a fan of ‘The Voice,’ I would be very upset by this. The network is playing not just the contestants, but the audience too.” The wording of the contract also states that the contestant agrees to be depicted in a way that ‘may be disparaging, defamatory, embarrassing (and) may expose them to public ridicule, humiliation or condemnation.’ For the record, a rep for NBC said: “The integrity of our competition shows, including ‘The Voice,’ is of the utmost importance to NBC. All audience votes on ‘The Voice’ are administered and certified.”
LINDSAY LOHAN was reportedly in tears just minutes after the debut of her new reality show. Apparently Lindsay had texted friends reminding them to tune in for the show and told them to be honest with her when giving feedback. Lindsay probably should’ve told them to sugar coat it as an insider says, “On the first few calls, Lindsay tried to defend herself, but by the fifth call, she’d so totally lost it she broke into uncontrollable sobs!” Despite admitting she’d urged them to be honest, Lindsay accused her pals of being cruel and overly critical! After the last call, Lindsay hung up and sobbed: “I guess I’ll just cry myself to sleep now.”
It looks like CHRIS BROWN may have secured himself a get out of jail card, however he won’t be free. Brown’s alleged Washington DC assault complicated his parole violation matters and now he’s facing up to four years in prison. However, Brown’s people are working on a deal to buy off the DC victim, who would then drop the charges, the case would be kaput and Brown would go free. Word has it that a deal should be done by early next week.
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 2…
There’s a slight holdup in the sale of JUSTIN BIEBER’S California home to KHLOE KARDASHIAN. It seems there was an $85,000 lien on the place that was filed by a construction company that Bieber had failed to pay. The sale of the home can’t go through with the lien in place and since $85,000 is chump change to Bieber, the matter is being quickly settled.
The late PAUL WALKER'S mother has petitioned to become the legal guardian of his teenage daughter, Meadow, in accordance with his will. Cheryl Ann Walker states that Meadow has been living with her since his death last November. However, it may not be that easy. A source says that Meadow and her mother, Rebecca Soteros, reportedly found out about the petition from TMZ. They say that both Meadow and Rebecca have only lived with Cheryl Ann off and on since Walker’s death. Rebecca reportedly plans to fight for custody of Meadow, but she has DUIs on her record and the papers contend that she has a drinking problem. Legal experts say that in order to obtain guardianship of a child while the biological mother is still around, the petitioner would have to get the mother's consent or have the mother's parental rights terminated by the court and in order to do that they’d have to establish a pattern of bad behavior.
The legal battle continues between RIHANNA and her ex-accountant over the $9 million she claims she lost while he was in charge. In his response to her suit, accountant Peter Gounis states he was hired to manage her financial accounts and not to give her spending advice. He claims it’s Rihanna’s own fault because she blew through millions of dollars by going on endless shopping sprees, buying roomfuls of designer shoes, clothes, and jewelry and throwing extravagant parties for herself. He also claims she bailed on a lucrative tour in order to star in the movie "Battleship," which turned out to be a massive flop. On the upside for Rihanna, Violet Grey magazine asked JANUARY JONES, who plays Betty Draper on Mad Men, who she most wants to sleep with dead or alive and she responded, “Paul Newman or Rihanna.”
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 3…
The divorce of Olympic skater JOHNNY WEIR and husband Victor Simon Weir-Voronov could get messy. Sources say Victor's people called Johnny's lawyer and said a media outlet had offered money for an interview, but that he would turn it down if Johnny paid him $25,000 for lawyers’ fees, plus support. While Victor's people admit they mentioned the interview and asked for support, they’re saying it’s not a shakedown. Meanwhile, Victor claims Johnny blindsided him and that he just found out about the divorce on Tuesday. However, that doesn’t seem to add up because Victor is already on his second divorce lawyer and that’s unlikely to have happened in the span of just a couple days.
JOHN MAYER’S may have blown his $5 million lawsuit against Rolex dealer Robert Maron over the phony watches. It’s been revealed Mayer wrote on a message board that he knew the watches were fakes. Mayer posted on a Rolex message board in 2007 that he knew a Rolex Flat Dial contained "counterfeit" parts and some purists believed they were not true Rolexes. However, Mayer wrote: "Anyone who wants to sell me one of these watches can get these fake pieces off their hands and make a killing on it. I will even accept a letter from you as a dealer releasing you from any liability in having sold me a counterfeit Dial. I will be buying these as counterfeits." Meanwhile, CHARLIE SHEEN is getting involved. He and Maron are pals and Charlie says Mayer re-sold a number of the watches for a huge profit. Charlie told TMZ, "WAIT!! Mayer spent $5M with Maron and is crying about $600K?!? Sorry that 7 of your 100 watches aren't to your liking! Boo-hoo!!" Charlie went on to say that he has nothing but respect for Maron.
There’s a trial going on in Britain involving the tabloid News of the World hacking celebrity phone messages. Among the victims was PRINCE HARRY and it was revealed that back in 2006 he drunk-dialed then-girlfriend Chelsy Davy when they were on the outs. Another tidbit is that PRINCE WILLIAM left a message for Harry in a woman's voice saying, "Hi, it's Chelsy here. You're the best looking ginger I've ever seen...You big hairy fat ginger."
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 4…
This seems hard to believe, but JENNIFER ANISTON supposedly reached out to KATY PERRY to tell her that she’s better off without John Mayer. Jennifer has been down that road before with Mayer, getting dumped by him via text message in 2008. A source says, “Jen says John should come with a ‘bad for your heart’ warning. She really struggled getting over that, and she felt the need to reach out to Katy to give her a pat on the back and offer her a shoulder if she needed.” Word is that Jennifer recruited mutual pal Chelsea Handler to pass the message to Katy that Jen thinks she handled the split with class and that she totally dodged a bullet.
Actress EMMA STONE was apparently a big Spice Girls fan back in the day. Emma was doing an interview with an Australian radio station when she received a personal message from former Spice Girls star MELANIE BROWN and lost it when she found out she’d come oh-so-close to meeting Brown in person. When they played Melanie’s message for Emma she said, “Wait, Mel B could have been here? I’m going to cry. Oh my God, is Mel B talking to me? I’m so excited, I’m legitimately crying. I’m the biggest Spice Girls fan ever.” In the video message, Brown challenged Emma to sing a Spice Girls song, and she struggled to get it together and sing “Wannabe.” (See here)
Late comedian DAVID BRENNER kept them laughing right up until the end! Brenner asked family to have $100 in small bills placed in his left sock after he died “in case tipping is recommended where I’m going”! Brenner had kept his cancer a secret, even from close friends, and the epitaph on his gravestone will read: “If this is supposed to be a joke – then I don’t get it!”
DATELINE HOLLYWOOD…
New Movies in Theatres…
Divergent - Shailene Woodley and Kate Winslet star in a futuristic tale where people are divided into distinct factions based on human virtues. (PG-13)
Muppets Most Wanted - The Muppets go on a world tour and get tangled up in international espionage. Also stars Ty Burrell, Ricky Gervais and Tina Fey. PG
Last night on AMERICAN IDOL San Francisco’s MK Nobilette was sent home, leaving nine the contestants left to compete.
NBC renewed CHICAGO FIRE, CHICAGO P.D. and GRIMM for new seasons. No word yet on PARENTHOOD, REVOLUTION and HANNIBAL, but of those three Parenthood is considered very likely to come back.
Filming of the new season of "THE BACHELORETTE" has begun and Andi Dorfman and her men were out in Santa Barbara on Wednesday for their third group date, which involved an outdoor Boyz II Men show.
The house featured on the TV show “MODERN FAMILY” is up for sale and it could be yours. The Dunphy home is only used for the exterior shots of the show, while the interior scenes are filmed in a studio. The property has 4 bedrooms, 4.5 baths and is listed for $2.35 million. The current homeowner gets paid by ABC each time the home is filmed, and you’d have the option to maintain the deal.
CORY MONTEITH’S final movie will be out this weekend in limited release. It’s called McCanick and in it Monteith plays a young street hustler just out of jail.
MUSIC NOTES…
Seattle police re-examined the case files in connection with KURT COBAIN’S suicide and found several rolls of undeveloped film. While some media outlets reported that the case was being re-opened, police were just responding to requests for information that are coming in due to the upcoming 20th anniversary of his death. Seattle police found a roll of film among the evidence and released a couple of photos that show drug paraphernalia at the death scene.
Journalist Jaime Dunkle has started a campaign on GoFundMe.com to buy KURT COBAIN'S childhood home in Aberdeen, Washington so it can be turned into a museum. Cobain’s mother listed the house last fallfor $500,000 and he’s hoping to raise $700,000 to purchase the home and pay for management costs. However, after 17 days, only $135 had been raised.
After wrapping up their worldwide Clockwork Angels tour just seven months ago, RUSH is already planning a lengthy "41st anniversary" tour for 2015. While this year marks the group's 40th anniversary with drummer Neil Peart, the group was too burned out to celebrate with a tour.
A mid-70s letter that JOHN LENNON wrote to producer Phil Spector blaming Who drummer Keith Moon and Harry Nilsson for urinating on a recording console at the Record Plant recording studio is going up for auction. Apparently the studio thought Lennon was responsible and wanted to evict him over the matter.
ROY ORBISON'S posthumous 1989 album Mystery Girl is being reissued with unreleased demos and a new song called "The Way Is Love." The new song was built around vocals from an Orbison work tape and completed by his three sons.
There’ll also be a deluxe version that’ll include a one-hour documentary deconstructing the album song-by-song and featuring new or unseen interviews with Jeff Lynne, Mike Campbell, Barbara Orbison and Bono.
MUSIC NOTES 2…
To commemorate their 40th anniversary, ABBA is releasing a new book called ABBA: The Treasures. The book will include previously unseen photos, as well as memorabilia such as written set lists, tour itineraries and sheet music.
JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE premiered a music video for "Not a Bad Thing" on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" yesterday.Timberlake doesn’t appear in the video, but instead shares the true story of a guy who proposed to his girlfriend a few weeks ago on a train to the song from his "20/20 Experience" album. The video documents a search for that couple, which is continuing. (See here)
There’s a warrant out for ANITA BAKER’S arrest in Detroit. The bench warrant was issued this week after Baker failed to show up in court for a hearing over a legal battle with a paint and decorating company. The company claims Baker owes them $15,000 for services they performed.
TUBULAR…