The Cartoon Chronicles
Episode 001, The Spongebob Experience
Written By Andrew Roby
WARNING- THIS SERIES IS NOT INTENEDED FOR CHILDREN TO READ. IT INCLUDES COURSE LANGUAGE, SEXUAL REFRENCES, STRANGE/VIOLENT SEXUALITY, STRANGE SEXUAL BEHAVIOR, STRONG VIOLENCE/GORE, STRONG RUDE HUMOR, DRUG USE/REFRENCES, GROUP RAPES, THEMATIC ELEMENTS, ALCOHOL USE AND A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF NONSTOP NUDITY.
DO NOT READ ON UNLESS YOU ARE READY FOR IT!
EXT-OCEAN FLOOR-DAY
We focus in front of a very large dildo under the water. It is sitting on the ocean floor and the testicles are used as a door. A very happy sponge comes walking out of them. His name is Spongebob Penispants.
Spongebob
Ahahaha.
Spongebob looks around and sees two other houses. Next to his house there is a giant blue face with the mouth as the door. Next to that house is a giant ass cheek without a door.
Spongebob
Well, its time for me to go to work at the Krusty Pussy.
Then Spongebob hears a very faint voice.
Voice
Spongebob Penispants. Spongebob Penispants.
Suddenly the ass cheek house flies up and a pink starfish comes out. His name is Patdick, Spongebob’s friend.
Patdick
Spongebob Penispants. Where are you going?
Spongebob
Krusty Pussy.
Patdick
Krusty Pussy? Where?
Patdick looks around in curiosity.
Spongebob
No Patdick. Krusty Pussy is down the road a little. It’s where I work.
Patdick
You work on a Krusty Pussy?
Spongebob
Yup, and they have really good food.
Patdick
Sweet.
Spongebob
Well Patdick, I must get going. Don’t wanna leave the Krusty Pussy waiting.
Spongebob starts walking down the road.
Patdick
Wait!! IT’S COMING!
Spongebob looks behind him and see a squid running after him. It is Squidward Testicles. His nose is in the shape of a giant penis.
Spongebob
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Spongebob dives out of the way as Squidward runs past him.
Spongebob
Whew. He didn’t stop for us this time.
Patdick
Yeah his nose really needs to use a condom.
CUT TO:
EXT-OUTSIDE KRUSTY PUSSY—DAY
We see Spongebob and Patdick standing out the Krusty Pussy.
Spongebob
Well Patdick that is the Krusty Pussy.
Patdick
Let’s go inside. I’m hungry.
Spongebob and Patdick walk inside.
INT-INSIDE KRUSTY PUSSY-DAY
The moment they walk inside Squidward Testicles greets them.
Squidward
Hello my friends.
Squidward has a horney look on his face.
Squidward
How are we doing today?
Spongebob
MR. IHAVCRABS SQUIDWARD IS TRYING TO RAPE US AGAIN.
Suddenly a giant crab comes out of the back door. It is Mr. Ihavcrabs and he is a giant crab with small crabs jumping all over him.
Mr. Ihavcrabs
Squidward don’t fucking fuck with me you fuck. Don’t fucking even fucking think about fucking raping that poor little fucking sponge and pink fucker again!
Squidward
Sorry Mr. Ihavcrabs.
Mr. Ihavcrabs
Fuck. Where are all the fucking customers?
Spongebob
Whoops.
Spongebob flips the sign on the door to “Open Bitch.”
Mr. Ihavcrabs
That’s fucking right bitch you just got a fucking raise.
Spongebob
Yay! How much?
Mr. Ihavcrabs looks at all his money in his pocket.
Mr. Ihavcrabs
Fuck that you got no fucking raise.
Spongebob
Damn!
Mr. Ihavcrabs
Hey fucker! Don’t you fucking ever use that kinda fucking language around me fucker. Fuck.
Spongebob
Sorry Mr. Ihavcrabs.
Mr. Ihavcrabs
Its okay little pig fucker. No ones here so I am gonna go count my fucking money. You can fucking leave Spongebob Penispants.
Spongebob
Yay!
Spongebob and Patdick both run out of the store.
EXT-EMPTY ROAD-NIGHT
Patdick
This is so much fun. I hope it doesn’t rain.
Suddenly it starts to thunder and rain.
Spongebob
It got dark out here really quick Patdick.
Patdick
Pat WHAT!?!?! … Oh yeah.
As they walk down the empty road you see a shadow that keeps running by them. They notice it after a while.
Patdick
What the fuck was that?
They hear a “boing” sound.
Spongebob
Uh oh.
Suddenly Squidward comes running behind Patdick.
Patdick
AHHHHH!
Patdick flies in the air holding his butt.
Spongebob
Nooooooo!
Spongebob starts running down the empty road. He then trips and looses his pants. He has a very very very small penis. He runs down the road naked.
Spongebob then also flies in the air holding his butt.
Spongebob
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Then out of the darkness you see Squidward with his penis nose pointing out at least 5 inches.
Squidward
Hahahaha. You can never escape… my penis nose!!
Spongebob then lands on the ground. Squidward looks down at Spongebob’s penis.
Squidward
What the-. Ahhhhhhhh.
Squidward then falls over laughing and rolling around. Spongebob stands up and his face gets red. He runs away crying. He makes it to his giant dildo house and he runs inside.
CUT TO:
INT-SPONGEBOB’S ROOM-NIGHT
Spongebob is on his bed crying his eyes out. One of his eyes falls out. He picks it up and pops it back in. He then continues crying.
Spongebob
Gary! I need someone to talk to!
A very small snail comes in Spongebob’s room. He has a Crack Pipe in his mouth. He is smoking it. He talks with a very mature voice.
Gary
This is weed is simply amazing.
Spongebob
We need to talk. I must tell you all my problems.
Gary
What is it baby?
Spongebob
I was raped again by that Squidward.
Gary
Did you show him your penis?
Spongebob
Yeah and he fell on the ground crying. I was embarrassed.
Gary
That’s what happens to Sponge’s with small penises.
Spongebob
I know but… well. Have you ever been made fun of?
Gary
Of course I am a talking, spiting, crack head, dick sucking, and gay snail. What the fuck do you think?
Spongebob
No?
Gary
Of course I have you idiot.
Spongebob
Well what should I do?
Gary
Scare him to death. Tonight go to his house and stick your giant dildo house in his door. Build a fire in front of his house and dance around it naked. He will be so scared he will commit suicide. Trust me sexy it will work.
Spongebob
Okay Gary. I trust you. Now get over here and give me some lovin’.
Gary
Ohh yeah.
We see Gary crawl in Spongebob’s pants.
Screen goes black before anything happens.
We then see Spongebob with war paint all over his face.
Spongebob
I’m ready.
Gary
You are?
Spongebob
I’m ready. I’m ready. I’m ready.
CUT TO:
EXT-OUTSIDE SQUIDWARDS HOUSE-NIGHT
We see Spongebob pushing the penis inside Squidward’s door. Which is a mouth.
Spongebob
Okay. Now the fire.
Spongebob starts a fire with a match. The fire is lit in front of Squidward’s house.
Spongebob
Hmmm. A fire in the ocean… whatever.
Spongebob then rips his pants off and starts running around the fire and screaming. Squidward looks out of his window.
Squidward
WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!?!
Squidward runs down the steps and discovers a giant dildo in his house.
Squidward
Penispants!!!!!!
Squidward has a heart attack and dies.
Gary
HE’S DEAD!
Spongebob stops and pulls the giant dildo out of his house.
Spongebob
Ding dong the dick is dead, the dick is dead, the dick is dead. Ding dong the biggest dick is dead.
Spongebob lifts up the giant dildo and puts it back in its place.
Spongebob
Well I’m out for the night.
Spongebob flops on the ground and falls asleep.
Screen goes black.
Words appear in the bottom right corner.
28 Days Later…
INT-JAIL CELL-DAY
We see Spongebob lying in a jail cell. He wakes up.
Spongebob
What the hell? Where am I?
A man next to Spongebob answers. It is Saddam.
Saddam
Jail buddy. You wont get out alive trust me.
Spongebob
Oh my god. Are you Saddam Hussein?
Saddam
Yes I am. I tried hiding in a hole but the army found me.
Spongebob
Yeah.
Saddam
What did you do?
Spongebob
Sticked a giant dildo in my friend’s mouth.
Silence for about a minute.
Saddam
Don’t talk to me.
Saddam turns around and looks the other way. A police officer comes and opens Saddam’s jail cell.
Saddam
What is this.
Police Officer
You have been bailed out.
Saddam
Someone paid the 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 dollars?
Police Officer
Yes. Your friend (Da da da) Plankton!
Spongebob
Oh no!
<Commercial Break>
Commercial One
You see an old 80 year old couple jogging down the street.
Woman (O.V.)
Are you sick of not being able to run? Are you stuck in a wheel chair for the rest of your life? Then take Jumpey Pills. They will get you up on your feet in a matter if minutes. Don’t spend your whole life sitting on your behind doing nothing. Get up and something.
Commercial Two
You see kids watching a sexual education video. They are both 10.
Woman (O.V.)
Teach your kids at a young age. They need to know about sex and sexual transmitted diseases. They must know to stay away from it and use protection. That is why we made the children condom.
A picture of a small condom shows up on the screen.
Woman (O.V.)
Let you children experiment for only 5.99 plus tax.
Now Back To The Show.
We see Spongebob outside the jail next to Patdick.
Spongebob
Thanks for bailing me out man.
Patdick
Anything for a friend.
Spongebob
Okay Saddam and Plankton are again trying to take over the world and we must stop them.
Patdick
Oh no AHHHHHHHHH!
Spongebob
Okay, Let’s do it. To the Crum Bucket!
CUT TO:
INT-CRUM BUCKET-DAY
Plankton, a very small penis.
Plankton
I can destroy the world. Hahahaha.
Saddam
Hahahahaha. *Cough* *Cough*
Suddenly Spongebob and Patdick kick the door open.
Patdick
If your gonna destroy the world you must destroy me first!
Saddam
*Yawn*
Saddam holds up a shotgun and blasts Patdick to pieces.
Spongebob
Fuck.
Saddam then blows Spongebob to pieces.
Saddam
Now where were we? Oh yeah.
Saddam pulls out a giant missile out of his pants.
Saddam
With this Missile we will destroy the world. Muhahahaha.
Plankton
Set it off!
MR. Ihavcrabs walks in.
Mr. Ihavcrabs
What the fuck are you doing?
Saddam then suddenly blows up Mr. Ihavcrabs with a rocket launcher.
Plankton
Set it off!
Saddam then sets it off and the missile launches.
Saddam
Wait a sec. If we are gonna blow up the Earth how are we gonna live?
Plankton
Oh fuck.
CUT TO:
EXT-VIEW OF ENTIRE EARTH-NIGHT
The Earth sits there. Suddenly it blows up.
Screen goes black.
END OF EPISODE ONE