The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas- Character List
FEMALE ROLES
Miss Mona Stangley(Age: 40-60)
Owner and operator of “The Chicken Ranch.” No-nonsense, but also very warm, motherly, energetic & personable.
Songs:“ALil’OleBitty PissantCountryPlace,”“GirlYou’reaWoman,”“NoLies,”“Bus From Amarillo”
Jewel Mosley (Age: 40‐60)
African American maid and cook at The Chicken Ranch for more than twenty-five years. She is a true golden girl - sassy, sexy and self-assured.
Songs: “Girl You’re a Woman,” “Twenty-four Hours of Lovin’,” “No Lies”
Doatsey Mae Grimes (Age: 35-‐60)
Waitress at the Texas Twinkle Café. She’s a trusting, reliable ear, treated by the men of the town more like a man than a woman.
Songs: “Doatsey Mae”
Imogene Charlene Greene (Age: 18- 30)
Texas A&M university student, double-‐majoring in Home Economics and Religion. She’s a big-haired pageant girl and cheerleader. Energetic, but not very bright.
Songs: “The Angelette March”
“Angel” – aka, Nancy Jean Drury (Age: 20-30)
Former teen mom who left home after giving birth to her son Billy, now six years old, when her father beat her up. She’s tough, scrappy and street-smart.
Songs:“GirlYou’reaWoman,”“Twenty-Four HoursofLovin’,”“NoLies,”“HardCandy Christmas”
“Shy”– aka,AnnamerleSeltzer(Age:18 20)
Country,farmgirl;young,fresh-faced, shelteredandgawky.Naïveandshy,but headstrongandcapable.
Songs:“GirlYou’reaWoman,”“Twenty-Four HoursofLovin’,”“NoLies,”“HardCandyChristmas”
“LindaLou” (Age:25-35)
Hasa “beenthere,donethat”attitude,sarcasticandmouthy.Theinappropriateclown ofthegroup.
Songs:“ALil’OleBittyPissantCountryPlace,”“GirlYou’reaWoman,”“Twenty-FourHoursofLovin’,”“NoLies,”“HardCandyChristmas”
“Ginger”(Age:25-40)
Divorcee;nice,welcomingandthemostwell-adjusted ofthe“girls.”Redhead.
Songs:“ALil’OleBittyPissantCountryPlace,”“GirlYou’reaWoman,”“Twenty-Four HoursofLovin’,”“NoLies,”“HardCandyChristmas”
“Dawn”(Age:25-35)
A “RoseNylund”type:innocent,positive,peppydown-home girl-next-door.
Songs:“ALil’OleBittyPissantCountryPlace,”“GirlYou’reaWoman,”“Twenty-FourHoursofLovin’,”“NoLies,”“HardCandyChristmas”
“RubyRae”(Age:25-29)
Homelyanddim-witted. Trieseverythingshecanthinkoftoimproveherstockat theranch,but alwaysseemstobethelastchosen.Notat all negativeaboutit, though.
Songs:“ALil’OleBittyPissantCountryPlace,”“GirlYou’reaWoman,”“Twenty-FourHours of Lovin’,”“NoLies,”“HardCandyChristmas”
“Eloise”(Age:25-29)
A nativeNewYorker,namedbyMonaaftertheprecociousanddramaticsix-year oldcharacterinsomeofherfavoritechildren’sbooks.
Songs:“ALil’OleBittyPissantCountryPlace,”“GirlYou’reaWoman,”“Twenty-FourHoursofLovin’,”“NoLies,”“HardCandyChristmas”
“Beatrice”(Age:30-34)
Thetallestand leanestofthe“girls”;royal,regal,primandproper.
Songs:“ALil’OleBittyPissantCountryPlace,”“GirlYou’reaWoman,”“Twenty-FourHoursofLovin’,”“NoLies,”“HardCandyChristmas”
“Taddy Jo” (Age:22-27)
Athleticandbird-like, she’sthetomboyofthegroup.Speakssoftlyandquickly.
Songs:“ALil’OleBittyPissantCountryPlace,”“GirlYou’reaWoman,”“Twenty-Four HoursofLovin’,”“NoLies,”“HardCandyChristmas”
MALEROLES
SheriffEdEarlDodd(Age 43-65)
SheriffofLaGrange,Texas.He’sa down-home, cowboytype,lovinglycurmudgeonly morethana littlerougharoundtheedges.He’sa “liveandletlive”type,though, surprisinglyliberalinhisthinking andhislanguage.
Songs:“GoodOldGirl”
MelvinP.Thorpe(Age30-60)
Televisionpersonalityandpart-time revivalistpreacher-morehucksterthanholy. IfRushLimbaughandMarcusBachmanncreateda child,itwouldbeMelvin.He’s brash,biggerthanlifeanda completeblowhard.Obsessedbysanctityandmorality inovercompensationfora rathereffeminatemanner.
Songs:“WatchDogTheme,”“TexasHasaWhorehouseIn It,”“TheSidestep”
GovernorBriscoe (Age30-60)
A formerrancherandbusinessmanfromUvalde,TX;now a first-term Governorin hisfirstyearinoffice.He’sthequintessentialpolitician:Sayinga lot ofnothing. Amiableandfullofcharm,he’sdumbabout everythingbut politics.
Songs:“TheSidestep”
EdselMackey(Age25-30)
A bigcityHoustonboywholandedhisfirstnewspaperjoboutofhighschoolwith thetown paper:TheGilbertGospel.He’snowEditorinChiefandis,without question,thesmartestman intown.Witty,dryandshrewd.Thinka youngMSNBC talking head.
Songs:“TexasHasaWhorehouseIn It”
MayorRufusPoindexter(Age30-60)
Localautomobiledealerandyoungestsonofthetown’srichestandmostwell-knownfamily.LikeGeorgeW. Bush,hewasthesonleastexpectedtosucceed-but now he’stheonly oneintown, runningthedealershipand thetown. Hedoesn’tlike, andisoverwhelmedby,hisjobandhe’snotshyabouteveryoneknowingit.
Songs:“TexasHasaWhorehouseIn It”
C.J.Scruggs(Age30-70)
A good,deeplyreligiousinsurancesalesman.In contrastto hispersonality,he’sthe loudest,worstdresserintown.
Songs:“TexasHasaWhorehouseIn It”
SenatorJ.T.Wingwoah(Age40-70)
Young, short,Napoleonicgoodoleboywith thepersonalityofCowboys’ownerJerryJones.
Songs:“TheSidestep”
ENSEMBLE ROLES
Girl 1 (whore)
Farmer (John)
Announcer (voice‐over)
Dogettes (TV girls)
Cameraman
TV Colorman (sports reporter)
3 x Reporter
Aide (governor’s assistant)
4 x Heckler 1 (holy roller moralist)