Shifting an Attitude

1. Take care of yourself2. Give respect to the other person

3. Listen for the “ouch”4. Engage in open talk

Take care of yourself. The first step is to take care of yourself. This means don’t act in isolation. Get support. Remember, if there are two “ouches” going on at the same time, listening will not occur. Find an ally: someone with whom you can vent and get your frustration out. The more you have vented and talked with an ally, the more grounded you will be to engage in shifting another person’s attitude.

Give respect to the other person. Listening is one of the most effective tools we have to lower conflict and show respect to each other. This means that ‘shifting attitudes’ can only occur in a context where a conversation is possible. To listen is to offer another person basic respect for the humanness that we share. It does not mean that we agree with or condone the behavior.

Listen for the “ouch.” Put downs and prejudice are injuries in need of healing. The more we can give respectful attention to someone and listen, the more they will be able to let go of their ‘records’ about other groups. What is the ‘ouch’ underneath what the person is saying? If that ouch is heard and given respectful attention, the person will then have the space inside herself or himself to hear new information you have to share.

Engage in open talk.Any change begins with listening and knowing that you are being listened to. In doing so you are making a conscious choice to stay in relationship with someone to make things go better for those around you, even when you find their behavior objectionable. Sometimes you will learn new information as well, and both parties will shift to higher ground.