Sentences and Sentence Variation
It is easy to take sentences for granted. When writing lengthy papers or reports, we tend to focus on the big issues (sections, paragraphs, macro-level arguments, etc.). This sometimes means that we lose sight of how important it is to write clear, grammatical sentences. Varying our sentences (both in terms of structure and length) is an important rhetorical strategy; it can enliven our paragraphs and make our prose more memorable. Ultimately, no matter what the rhetorical situation, you should strive for clarity and comprehension, and this begins on a sentence level.
Step 1: Writing Clear Sentences
a) Fragments: Clarity and completeness go hand in hand. To achieve clarity, you must write in complete sentences; that means that each of your sentences must
a) contain a subject
b) contain a verb
c) express a complete thought
It is common for students to lose sight of these requirements and to create sentence fragments. Many students mistakenly think that long sentences and complete sentences are the same thing, but sometimes, long sentences do not express a complete thought:
I read Dickens’s Great Expectations freshman year. A story of powerful emotions and themes. It became my favorite novel.
The underlined sentence is longer than the final sentence, but it is still a sentence fragment because it does not express a complete thought. The middle sentence is missing a verb.
Eleanor Roosevelt was First Lady of the United States from 1933 to 1945. As First Lady, she worked for the rights of the poor and underprivileged. Because she felt strongly about the struggles of children and minorities.
Here again, the underlined sentence is a fragment; it does not express a complete thought. We can rectify this error in several ways.
Eleanor Roosevelt was First Lady of the United States from 1933 to 1945. As First Lady, she worked for the rights of the poor and underprivileged because she felt strongly about the struggles of children and minorities.
Eleanor Roosevelt was First Lady of the United States from 1933 to 1945. As First Lady, she worked for the rights of the poor and underprivileged. She felt strongly about the struggles of children and minorities.
Eleanor Roosevelt was First Lady of the United States from 1933 to 1945. Because she felt strongly about the struggles of children and minorities, she worked for the rights of the poor and underprivileged as First Lady.
Sentence fragments may seem fairly obvious, but it is very easy to write incomplete sentences if you are rushing or being careless. Sometimes, students inadvertently end sentences too soon. Other times, students are so focused on writing a lengthy, dynamic sentence that they lose sight of the basic elements of a sentence (subject, verb, complete thought). It is helpful to read sentences aloud and listen to how they sound. A sentence that is missing a subject or verb, or that does not express a complete thought, will likely sound “off.”
b) Run-Ons: A run-on sentence is a sentence in which two complete sentences (or independent clauses, that is, clauses which can stand alone as complete sentences) are fused together into one sentence. A run-on sentence confuses the reader because it does not make clear where one idea ends and where a new idea begins.
Margaret Bourke-White was a famous photographer she worked for Life magazine during World War II. Bourke-White traveled all over the world taking photographs in Africa and other foreign countries won her fame and respect.
Both of these sentences are run-on sentences. Again, there are countless ways to fix these sentences:
Margaret Bourke-White, a famous photographer, worked for Life magazine during World War II. Bourke-White traveled all over the world, and taking photographs in Africa and other foreign countries won her fame and respect.
Margaret Bourke-White was a famous photographer who worked for Life magazine during World War II. Bourke-White traveled all over the world. Taking photographs in Africa and other foreign countries won her fame and respect.
Margaret Bourke-White was a famous photographer; she worked for Life magazine during World War II. Bourke-White traveled all over the world. Taking photographs in Africa and other foreign countries won her fame and respect.
These are just a few examples. Coordinating conjunctions, periods, and semicolons are common tools for fixing run-on sentences. You can also turn independent clauses into dependent clauses:
The Louvre is now a state-owned museum, its new pieces are either bought by the museum or received as gifts.
If we turn the first clause into a dependent clause, the sentence will no longer be a run-on:
Now a state-owned museum, the Louvre’s new pieces are either bought by the museum or received as gifts.
Step 2: Making Clear Pronoun References
Like sentences, pronouns are very common and thus frequently get taken for granted. A pronoun is a word that takes the place of a noun; this noun is referred to as the antecedent. Sometimes, the relationships between pronouns and their antecedents are unclear, which makes the meaning of sentences unclear.
The Little, Brown Handbook identifies three common types of pronoun error (368):
a) More than one possible antecedent
To prevent cats from clawing pieces of furniture, cover them in Scotch tape.
Christa told Marie that she was not going.
In both of these sentences, the pronoun (“them” and “she”) could refer to either of the two nouns. The sentences should be rewritten so that the meaning is clearer:
To prevent cats from clawing pieces of furniture, cover these objects in Scotch tape.
“I am not going,” said Christa to Marie.
b) Antecedent too far away
It is helpful to place the pronoun in close proximity to the antecedent; doing so can prevent confusion regarding the relationship between the two words.
Jane Austen had little formal education but was well educated at home. Far from living an isolated life in the English countryside, the Austens were a large family with a wide circle of friends who provided entertainment and cultural enrichment. They also provided material for her stories.
Here, the pronoun “her” is very far removed from its antecedent. This gap can be problematic; it might be helpful to use the proper noun instead of a pronoun here:
Jane Austen had little formal education but was well educated at home. Far from living an isolated life in the English countryside, the Austens were a large family with a wide circle of friends who provided entertainment and cultural enrichment. They also provided material for Jane’s stories.
c) Antecedent is implied but not directly stated
One of the most common pronoun problems is the use of “implied antecedents.” Words like this, that, which, and it are very easy to overuse, and these words are problematic due to their lack of specificity.
Tutors must focus on the grammar mistakes. This may seem simplistic, or possibly even edging toward the dreaded “fix-it-shop” image, but it is important nevertheless.
The use of “this” and “it” in the previous sentence is problematic; the pronoun references are vague and broad. The writer should use more specific terms in defining the sentence.
Tutors must focus on the grammar mistakes. This strategy may seem simplistic, or possibly even edging toward the dreaded “fix-it-shop” image, but it is important nevertheless.
Note that because the first reference is now more specific, the second reference is less confusing and does not necessarily need to be fixed (“it” clearly refers to the aforementioned strategy). Here is another set of examples:
The Americans knew little of the jungles of Southeast Asia, and they had no experience with the Vietcong’s guerilla tactics. This gave the Vietnamese an advantage.
The Americans knew little of the jungles of Southeast Asia, and they had no experience with the Vietcong’s guerilla tactics. This ignorance gave the Vietnamese an advantage.
Step 3: Avoiding Shifts
Shift happens. In all seriousness, many students inadvertently shift tense, person, or number when writing paragraphs. You should try to keep these matters consistent between sentences:
Notice how the second version of the paragraph reads much more smoothly because it avoids the shifts that characterize the first paragraph.
Here is a list of the types of shifts that you should look for when proofreading your sentences:
1) Shifts in Person – Most essays are written in the third person; response papers are sometimes written in the first person. Whatever person you use, try to keep it consistent:
If a person works hard, you can usually obtain success.
- If a person works hard, he or she can usually obtain success.
- If you work hard, you can usually obtain success.
- If people work hard, they can usually obtain success.
2) Shifts in Number – Shifts in number are common if there is an unclear relationship between a pronoun and its antecedent.
If a student does not understand a reading, they should consult the instructor.
- If a student does not understand a reading, he or she should consult the instructor.
- If students do not understand a reading, they should consult the instructor.
- A student who does not understand a reading should consult the instructor.
3) Shifts in Tense – Sometimes it is important to shift tense if you are discussing different time frames. For example, this sentence utilizes the future tense and the past tense, and it is grammatically correct:
Ramona will visit Italy thirty-one years after his father emigrated.
Still, you want to avoid unnecessary or confusing shifts:
Immediately after the Freys wounded Robb, Smalljon threw a table over him to try and shield him from other attacks. But the Freys plunge their knives into Smalljon and murder him.
i. Immediately after the Freys wounded Robb, Smalljon threw a table over him to try and shield him from other attacks. But the Freys plunged their knives into Smalljon and murdered him.
ii. Immediately after the Freys wound Robb, Smalljon throws a table over him to try and shield him from other attacks. But the Freys plunge their knives into Smalljon and murder him.
The main character in the opera suffers because he has lost his lover, but he eventually triumphed over this heartbreaking setback.
i. The main character in the opera suffers because he has lost his lover, but he eventually triumphs over this heartbreaking setback.
ii. The main character in the opera suffered because he had lost his lover, but he eventually triumphed over this heartbreaking setback.
Step 4: Varying Sentence Length and Structure
There are four types of sentence, and all four types should be included in student writing so as to create a sense of variety and dynamism:
- Simple: Consists of a single independent clause. The cat came back.
- Compound: Consists of two independent clauses that are joined together, usually with a coordinating conjunction. The cat came back, and he brought a friend with him.
- Complex: Consists of one independent clause and one or more dependent clauses. Though he had been gone a long time, the cat came back.
- Compound-Complex: Consists of two or more independent clauses, and one or more dependent clauses. Though he had been gone a long time, the cat came back, and he brought a friend with him.
a) Varying Structure:
Writers tend to structure sentences as follow
SUBJECT – VERB – OBJECT
Experimenting with (or inverting) this pattern is a good way to increase sentence variety:
Example: The exhibits for insects and spiders are across the hall from the fossils exhibit.
Revision: Across the hall from the fossils exhibit are the exhibits for insects and spiders.
Example: Sayuri becomes a successful geisha after growing up poor in Japan.
Revision: After growing up poor in Japan, Sayuri becomes a successful geisha.
Example: The Dust Bowl farmers, looking wearily into the cameras of US government photographers, represented the harshest effects of the Great Depression.
Revision: Looking wearily into the cameras of US government photographers, the Dust Bowl farmers represented the harshest effects of the Great Depression.
b) Varying Beginnings: Writers can often overuse the same word, like an author’s name or a pronoun like “it”, when beginning sentences. This lack of subject variety can be distracting to a reader.
Example: My philosophy of education is derived from my personal experiences. I have been an educator for 4 years, and I have learned a lot from more experienced teachers in my district. I also work mainly with students from a low socioeconomic background; my background was quite different. I will discuss how all of these elements, along with scholarly texts, have impacted my educational philosophy.
Revision: My philosophy of education is derived from my personal experiences. Having been an educator for 4 years, I have learned a lot from more experienced teachers in my district. I also work mainly with students from a low socioeconomic background that is quite different from mine. In this paper, I will discuss how all of these elements, along with scholarly texts, have impacted my educational philosophy.
c) Varying Topics: Carrying over the same topic for several sentences can lead to repetitiveness.
Example: Indiana used to be mainly an agricultural state. It has recently attracted more industry.
Revision: Indiana, which used to be mainly an agricultural state, has recently attracted more industry.
Example: Doctor Ramirez specializes in sports medicine. She helped my cousin recover from a basketball injury.
Revision 1: Doctor Ramirez, who specializes in sports medicine, helped my cousin recover from a basketball injury.
Revision 2: Doctor Ramirez, whose specialty is sports medicine, helped my cousin recover from a basketball injury.
Example: The university has been facing pressure to cut its budget. It has eliminated funding for important programs. (two independent clauses)
Revision: Under pressure to cut its budget, the university has eliminated funding for important programs. (prepositional phrase, independent clause)
d) Varying Sentence Length: Here is a sample paragraph by Gary Provost that demonstrates the importance of sentence length.
This sentence has five words. This is five words too. Five word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. It's like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety. Now listen. I vary the sentence length and I create music. Music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm, a lilt, a harmony. I use short sentences. And I use sentences of medium length. And sometimes when I am certain the reader is rested I will engage him with a sentence of considerable length, a sentence that burns with energy and builds with all the impetus of a crescendo, the roll of the drums, the crash of the cymbals, and sounds that say listen to this, it is important.
Here are some other examples of the importance of sentence variety from The Little, Brown Handbook.
Fowler, H. Ramsey and Jane E. Aaron. The Little, Brown Handbook. New York: Pearson, 2012.