Ben Pearce’s
Scream on HalloweenIf you know what I didon Elm Street last Friday the 13th while Chucky and Leprechaun were watching Final Destination with The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Norman Bates was digging in Pet Semetary
(Phone rings)
Girl: Hello?
Killer: Hi Sidney!
Girl: This isn't Sidney! Wrong Movie Pal!
Killer: Wait? What number did I dial?
Girl: Nunya.
Killer: Well do you know where I am?
Girl: Why the hell should I know? I'm a big-breasted Bimbo and I'm very popular and you can be there with me.
Killer: Awesome! I'm coming!
Girl: Who the hell are you?
Killer: Nunya!
Girl: Whatever, Bye.
Killer: No-wait!
(Girl hangs up the phone)
Phone rings again
Lady: Collect call from
Killer: The killer!
Lady: Will you accept the charges?
Girl: Whatever
Killer: Hi!
Girl: Look Geek!
Killer: No you look! If u doesn’t get this next question I'm Gonna cut you up like a cow!
Girl: Its "Gut you like a fish, ass hole!
Killer: Ohh. Anyway, Here’s the question, what would you say if I could see you right now?
Girl: I don’t know.
Killer: Wrong question it was Green!
(Killer Breaks through the door)
Killer: Ouch! Glass cut me!
Girl: Well here’s a band aid (Throws it 2 the killer)
(Killer puts the band aid on)
Killer: Ok back to business!
Girl: Yeah
(Killer jumps over the table to jump on the girl but misses)
The Killer and the girl keep running around the table. About 8 times later the phone rings again. The killer picks it up
Killer: Hello? Yeah hold on a minute... Its Stacy! (Hands the phone 2 the girl)
Girl: Hello... What! What did she say? Oh my god she is such a Bitch!
(Killer points 2 his knife)
Girl: I'll call you back!
(Girl hangs up the phone and they run around the table more. The girl runs outside and falls in the swimming pool. She has a life jacket on and is floating on the water)
Girl: Help me! I'm drowning!
Killer: I'd love to help but I'm ahh, a killer
Girl: Ok (Drowns)
(Killer Goes to smoke a cigar and burns his face)
Killer: Ouch, off off! I'm melting! (Puts his Jason mask in the pool. He takes the mask out of the water. It is now a Michael Myers mask)
FADE OUT
FADE IN
(Michael Myers theme is playing. A Girl is sitting down on the couch)
Linda: What would you say if I was lesbo?
Gary: I'd love you even more.
Linda: Well, I am.
Gary: YOU SLUT! YOU FUCKING SLUT!
Linda: But-
Gary: I don’t wanna see your butt your a dike!
Linda: True
Gary: You are mean! (Runs up stairs like a girl Crying)
Gary: Why is she so lesbo!
(Gary walks in the bathroom. He takes a leak. Submarine goggles are sticking out of the shower. Michael is looking at his dick)
Gary: Yo mike! Sup dude!
Michael: Nothing. Umm listen (Itches his balls) Umm, I killed all of my family members and I umm just wanted to ask... could I kill you?
Gary: Well if you step out of the bathroom and let me think 4 a while
Michael: Ohh sorry (Steps out of bathroom)
(30 minutes go by, then an hour, then an hour in a halve. Toilet flushes)
Gary: (Opens door) I've decided... ok
Michael: AWSUM! (Takes the knife out and stabs him in the gut)
Gary: Now that... is stomach pain (Falls over and dies)
(Michael walks down stairs and looks at Linda)
Linda: HAHA Michael, kill any body lately?
Michael: Well, Gary. I'm gonna kill you now!
Linda: Should I be a stupid girl and scream and trip a few times and run upstairs instead of outside?
Michael: Yeah
Linda: Done!
(Linda screams and falls 12 times upstairs and locks herself in the closet)
Linda: Michael? Now what?
Michael: I'm still walking in the living room!
(20 Minutes go by)
Michael: I'm on the third step!
Michael: (50 minutes later) I’m by the closet. I'm going to break it down now ok? Be careful not to get cut by the wood
Linda: Ok
Michael smashes the door down
Michael: I have to pee!
Linda: same here
(Linda goes to the bathroom downstairs. Michael goes to the one beside him)
After there done they go back in there possessions
Michael: Ready? 1... 2... 3!
(Linda Takes a pen and stabs it in his neck)
Michael: SHIT!
Linda: Oops sorry!
Michael: Its ok.
Michael takes the pen out of his neck and stabs Linda with it. Linda takes the pen out of her neck and stabs it in Michaels leg. They keep stabbing each other
FADE OUT
FADE IN
(Man with hooks is Chasing a girl and a guy on a boat)
Girl: Why do we have to start this skit at the end of the movie when you die? Ohh and whoever the person who is writing this... Give me a name!
Person writing: Here
Nancy: Thanks. Hey killer? Can we kill you and get it over with?
Killer: NNO!
Nancy: Ok! Guy! DUCK
Guy: duck? Where?
(Killer cuts the guys head off)
Nancy: Oh my god! Hi killer. We never met yet before you killed me, I'm Nancy... what’s yours?
Killer: The dorkey Fisherman
Nancy:... Hi
Killer: Wait a minute I'm supposed to kill you!
Nancy: Want to play strip poker?
Killer: No I played that with the last victim.
Nancy: Guy?
Killer: NO! GAY GUY!
Nancy: ohh. This is dumb cant we just get along?
Killer: We can if you let me kill you!
Nancy: AHH!
(Boat passes by)
Killer is stabbing the girl
Boatman #1: Wow! Look at them!
Boat man#2: Yeah! There getting it on! We should leave them alone.
Boatman #1: one more minute.
Nancy: Your choking me!
Killer: sorry I'm trying to get the bee but you wont let me!
Nancy: Well get off of me!
Killer: Can I kill you now?
Boatman #1: Do you need any help?
Nancy: No thank you
Boatman: OK
Killer stabs her tit
Nancy: Ouch! Tell me before you play foreplay!
Killer: Sorry!
Killer cuts her in halve
Nancy: Ouch! Tell me before you cut me in halve next time! Damn!
Killer: Can I dump you in the ocean now!
Nancy: I guess so!
Killer dumps her in the ocean
the boatmen are smiling
Boatmen 1 and 2: Have fun... I told you that we should do it!
Killer drives the boat away
FADE OUT
CUT TO
(Freddy is talking. He is sitting on the toilet)
Freddy: I am too weak to shit right now! But maybe if I make a big clunker I can start my killing again! And that girl sleeping right above me... I'm gonna kill her! I will kill her dead! But I cant right now because I’m on the toilet! I didn’t really like Wes Craven when he gave me the roll in a nightmare on Elm Street! But maybe one of you can cut my lines and make me retire! I have to shit so badly but I cant! I have a small weener! Does anyone know how I can find Robert England? Oh wait He is me. But I'm him. I'm confusing my self. I hate talking. I've been sitting on this toilet for the past 60 days! I'm so constipated I cant even use my powers. When is my speech going to be over?
(Huge clinker comes out of his butt)
Freddy: Finally! Lets go get some Fresh meat!
(Freddy walks into the kitchen. He pulls out a salmon. He eats it. Then he is in the girls room)
(He is stretching out his face in the wall like on the first one. He falls through it)
Freddy: OUCH!
Girl: OH MY GOD! FREDDY!... Can I have your autograph
Freddy: Yes. (Farts loud) Sorry!
Signs his fans letter with his finger
Freddy: here you go
Girl: I watched all of your movies!
Freddy: REALLY WOW! I'm to gay to be in any other movie.
Girl: Really?
(They get popcorn and start watching Freddy movies)
Girl: Oh this is the best part! Here’s where you get the pipe in your head and blow up!
Freddy: WHAT! You're dead!
Girl: But I'm still here.
Freddy: No I Mean IM GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU SLUT!
Girl: Go ahead!
Freddy: (Puts his fingers up in the air to kill her. Puts his hand town and watches TV) Pass the popcorn!
FADE OUT
CUT TO
(Friday the 13th theme is on. Girl is getting chased in the woods by Jason)
Jason: It's just a machete!
Alice: Maybe to you!
Jason: Fall!
Alice: What? (Falls to the ground)
Jason: I killed to many people!
Alice: You killed my friends
(Jason stabs the machete through the ground. He can’t get it out)
Jason: Damn ground! Pardon my French!
Alice: Nun taken
(Alice gets up and runs in a house that us made all out of glass. She locks the door)
Alice: Quit humming your theme Jason!
Jason: Sorry! Let me in!
Alice: I locked the door! You can’t get in!
Jason: So unlock it!
Alice: I cant the lock is jammed!
Jason: Well I'm gonna go get an ax so I can break the door down.
Alice: So I'll be waiting
Jason: all right!
Jason goes and gets an ax. He smashes the glass
Jason: I'll pay for that!
FBI agent: Ok. We can leave now bob! No destruction here. The man said he'd pay! (Walks away)
Alice screams, as there is nowhere to go
Alice: help me!
Jason stabs her in the stomach.
Alice: Now that hurt you Crazy ass bastard!
Jason: Well at least I have Real boobs!
Alice: Now fair! I had these before you came here!
Jason: Dike
Alice: Dork
Jason: Slut!
Alice: Fat ass
Jason: Ohh... good one! Teacher Molester!
Alice: Fat fuck dork that will never get a girl friend because he wont put on make up!
Jason: Poser!
Alice: Piss Drinker!
Jason: Idiot
Alice: Slasher! Blurp sack wearer! Hockey player! Ugly fattso! Virgin-
Jason: I get it I get it! Can you die now?
Alice: Ok (Bleeds)
Jason: YES! Another one!
FADE OUT
CUT TO
Chucky: Well I love this movie!
Leprechaun: I loved Jennifer Anniston!
Chucky: Lets just watch the movie now!
Grim reaper: Shh! This is the part when I make the plane blow up!
Leprechaun: Today’s my birthday you know! I'm 84639262963983643927449473943748932 years old!
Leather face: Uhh whatever! (Starts up chainsaw and it turns back off)
Chucky: Damn Chainsaw!
Leprechaun: Lets make a vow that whoever kills the most people gets to go to hell.
Chucky: ok
Grim: Sure
Leather face: Ahh! (Starts Up chainsaw. Turns off) AHH!
Chucky: Celebrities and other killers don’t count!
Leather face: DAMN! (Starts up his chainsaw. Turns off) AHH!
Grim: Ok Lets go
(They all walk out of there apartment building. Everyone is dead. All of them. They are looking around)
Chucky: What the hell happened?
Grims cell phone rings
Grim: Hello? Yeah ill b right there! Its satin! He told me go down for a minute.
Leather face: GO! (Starts up chainsaw. Turns off) AHH!
Grim: B right back
(45 minutes l8er)
Grim: He said that he killed everyone! He said he wins!
Chucky: Damn!
Leprechaun: Wanna play charades?
Leather Face: YEAH! (Starts up chainsaw. Turns off) AHH!
Chucky: See yah later Bitch!
Grim screams like a girl!
Leather Face: HAHA! (Turns on chainsaw. Turns off) AHH!
Chucky: Who was I?
Leprechaun: Umm... Jason!
Chucky: DAMN!
Grim: It was too easy!
(Chainsaw starts up)
FADE OUT
CUT TO
Norman bates is walking up the hill. He takes his shovel and starts digging. He keeps digging. He digs & digs and digs. He reaches a coffin. The coffin says Norman Bates mother on it
Norman: Wow! My mum!
She opens the coffin
Mom: Hi Norman!
Norman: Hi mom!
Mom: I need to have you kill for me!
Norman: That is so in the first 4!
Mom: You wanna fight!
Norman: SURE
Mom: Who gets the first hit?
Norman: I don’t know:
Mom: Common pussy!
Norman: Naw.
Mom: Common... get the first hit
Norman: Naw mom you know I cant hit a- (Smash! He punches her and she flys back into the coffin)
Mom: So you wanna fight now!
Mom goes flying in the air. So does Norman
(Eye of the tiger Comes on and they fight)
Norman rips his moms face off
Norman: Ohh remember this! I was a cross dresser (Puts on her face)
Mom: You ass hole!
Norman: Ohh look I'm shaken in my boots!
Mom punches Norman back 50 yards
Norman: OUCH!
Norman takes a pole and shoves it in her chest
(They have swords now and are fighting)
Norman cuts off his moms head
Mom: You got me! You win! I wont make you kill anybody! You already killed me! I'm going back in my coffin.
She stands up, picks up her head, puts it back on and lies back in her coffin
Norman: Yeah! And they didn’t have a BOXING TEAM! So... jdjsk
Mom: What?
Norman: Bye!
(Norman takes his shovel and walks home)