Save the Iowa Rainforest!
Iowahawk has a hilarious defense of pork in his state. Here's a teaser:
As many of you know, my home state of Iowa has worked for years to promote the Iowa Child Project – a grassroots effort to restore Iowa’s depleted rainforests, which were destroyed some 400 million years ago by unregulated brontosaurus development and careless asteroids. The centerpiece of this critically needed environmental program is the Iowa Rainforest Project, a planned 85 acre glass-enclosed tropical bio-vegi-dome/ entertainment complex/ factory outlet mall slated for construction next to the I-80 Citgo Truck Haven in Coralville. This important project has earned the rave reviews of environmentalists, public officials, media, and glass contractors across the Hawkeye State...
FACT: The Rainforest will benefit Iowa education. Located near the University of Iowa and its world-class faculty, the Rainforest will transform UI into an important world center for the study of tropical plants, insects, and the exotic, disfuguring epidemic diseases spread by tropical insect bites. Iowa's soon-to-be renowned Rainforest scientists will work closely with other famous international scientists, like those at the University of Bombay's Snowmobile Research Center and The University of Dublin's Sobriety Institute.
FACT: The Iowa Rainforest is cost effective. To illustrate, just take a look at these bar chart asterisk graphs, comparing the cost of the current proposal with two alternatives: (1) invasion, conquest and annexation of Costa Rica as a colony of Iowa; and (2) manipulation of the Earth's mantle, through plate tectonics, to carefully navigate the state of Iowa down the Mississippi River, through the Gulf of Mexico and Carribean, and up the mouth of the Amazon.
Current Proposal: Coralville Rainforest
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Alternative 1: Conquest of Costa Rica
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Alternative 2: Relocate Iowa to Amazon
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As you can see, the current plan represents a significant savings of more than 30 asterisks over the other options.
Friends, this project is far too important for America's homeland security to be sacrificed to bunch of unelected blog outsiders. That's why I'm asking you to join me to fight back against the fat cats: let's work together with supporters of other important national economic development projects -- like Florida's proposed indoor Caribou Tundra, Connecticut's proposed 'Rhode Islandland' BioDome, and Lousiana's new Levee of C-Notes -- to preserve the future for Iowa's children.