Student1

Studenty Student

Mrs. Gordon

ELA 3-4H

24 September 2014

Save Teens, Cut Social Media[M1]

Social media is a phenomenon that connects billions of people worldwide . . . and causes depression, confusion, and attention deficiency in its teenage users. 95 percent of teens are on the Internet, and 80 percent of these are regular social media users, according to the Pew Research Center. Unfortunately for the parents of these teens, scientists and researchers are quickly discovering that the social media is far from beneficial. Teenagers’ dependence on social media adversely affects their mental and emotional health.[M2]

Social media is a breeding grounds for negativity[M3]. A report from the Internet & American Life Project revealed that “the majority, 95 percent of social networking teens, say they’ve witnessed cruel online behavior . . . with 21 percent of those surveyed admitting that they joined the harassment as well.” In addition to this, Larry Rosen, a social media researcher at California State University[M4], has found “associations between social network use and various mental issues, including traits like narcissism, a lack of empathy, increased aggression and traits associated with mental illnesses like schizophrenia and depression.”The dangerous sense of anonymity that social media provides causes teens to lose their civility. This invisibility enables teenagersto post far harsher comments online that they would in open conversation. However, their aggressive and inconsiderate tendencies do not remain confined in the virtual world. Social media destabilizes the teenage mind and engenders behaviors that carry over into real life.

The ability of teens to succeed in school has been greatly compromised by constant social media use. Psychologists and analysts have been finding correlations between social media use and decreased attention spans. Lady Ellen Greenfield, a leading neuroscientist, explained that "[i]f the young brain is exposed from the outset to a world of fast action and reaction, of instant new screen images flashing up with the press of a key, such rapid interchange might accustom the brain to operate over such timescales.”A shorter attention span impairs studying and memorization, which are important in test performance.Also, according to research by NielsonWire, teens spend around eight hours per month on Facebook alone, taking away from potential study time. When compounded with attention deficiencies, school grades are bound to drop. The very futures of teens are being threatened by the distracting nature of social media[MLG5].

Even more worrying[M6] is the drug-like effect social media has on teens. According to a report from Common Sense Media, 43 percent of teenagers want to be able to disconnect themselves from social media. However, in a study at the International Center for Media & the Public Agenda, 79 percent of teens deprived of social media for just a single day reported experiencing confusion, anxiety and distress[M7]. One study participant remarked, “I am an addict. I don’t need alcohol, cocaine or any other derailing form of social depravity. Media is my drug . . .” This comment illustrates the extent to which social media has taken over the lives of teens. While technology can be a force for good and useful communication, [M8]without proper intervention and controlan increasing number of youthwill fall victim to the trap of social media.

In light of the results of social media research, it is clear that teens cannot be allowed to continue their unrestrained abuse of social media.As a form of electronic interchange, social media can be useful for instant and widespread communication, but that communication is deeply flawed.[M9]Twitter limits users to 140 characters, encouraging short, incomplete thoughts. The “like” button of Facebook has been linked to increased symptoms of mania and compulsivity by a California State University study.Even briefly checking social media during leisure time can cause stress. A majority of respondents to a survey by JWT Singapore felt “weighed down by the ‘pressure’ of being in ‘constant contact’ on [social media] platforms.” Other mediums such as phones or email allow for deeper conversations, without psychological issues. For teens to develop proper communication skills, their social media usage must be controlled.

The ubiquity [M10]of social media is creating a generation beset by numerous mental problems. Aggression, narcissism, isolation, and distress[M11] are among the feelings magnified by unrestrained media use. To ensure a bright future for the youth of the Information Age, the influence of social media on their lives must be minimized through parental guidance.

Works Cited[M12]

Balkam, Stephen. “The Good, the Bad, and the (Not So) Ugly of Teen Social Networking.” Huffington Post. TheHuffingtonPost.com, Inc., 9 Nov 2011. Web. 19 Sept 2012.

“Consumers suffer social media ‘stress’.” Warc. N.p, 11 May 2012. Web. 20 Sept 2012.

Flacy, Mike. “Study: Average person spends nearly eight hours a month on Facebook.” Digital Trends. Digital Trends, Inc, 30 Sept 2011. Web. 20 Sept 2011.

Fottrell, Quentin. “Psychoanalyzing Facebook’s ‘Like’ Button”Smart Money. Dow Jones & Company, Inc., 23 June 2012. Web. 19 Sept 2012.

“Teens on Social Media: Many Benefits to Digital Life, But Downsides, Too.” Common Sense Media. Common Sense Media Inc., 26 June 2012. Web. 19 Sept 2012.

Welsh, Jennifer. “Is Constant ‘Facebooking’ Bad for Teens?” Live Science. N.p., 6 Aug 2011. Web. 19 Sept 2012.

“When Deprived of Online Media, Teens Suffer Withdrawal.” RedOrbit. Red Orbit, Inc, 8 Apr 2011. Web. 19 Sept 2012.

Wintour, Patrick. “Facebook and Bebo risk ‘infantilising’ the human mind.” The Guardian. Guardian News, 24 Feb 2009. Web. 19 Sept 2012.

[M1]Nice title!

[M2]Thesis is a little broad, but it works!

[M3]This paper does a good job of leading with commentary in each topic sentence—that makes the argument stronger.

[M4]This is a good way to establish ethos: letting me know who your source is and why they are uniquely qualified to talk about your topic.

[MLG5]A little alarmist here…..”the very futures of teens”…don’t go over the top!

[M6]This is a nice transition. It creates momentum in the paper and lets me know you’re organizing emphatically, or building up to your best argument at the end.

[M7]Here’s an example of simple parallelism.

[M8]Here’s an attempt at rebuttal. In my opinion, this paper doesn’t do quite enough of that, but I can see it from time to time.

[M9]Another attempt at rebuttal.

[M10]Wow! There’s some sophisticated diction here! It establishes you as a credible writer and thinker. I would expand the conclusion, however, and make it a bit longer.

[M11]More parallelism here.

[M12]You don’t need to be NEARLY this extensive in your research!  (But this is a great example nonetheless)