Stanton 1
Sarah Stanton
Sister Lucia Treanor, F.S.E.
Writing 150-23
8 September 2011
Note Cards
She was silent, the closer we came to goodbye, the fewer words she spoke. Her green eyes were filling with tears. Her narrow jaw was clenched as if willing herself not to cry, and her thin shoulders had a slight slump to them, different from her usual erect proper posture. The ever so slight freckles on her face, from hours spent in the sun reflected on her warm personality. As she pulled me into an embrace, I breathed deeplyand melted against her familiar scent of Shalimar, soap, and home: “Goodbye, Sarah. I love you so much.” When she turned to leave, I felt my heart breaking,and I watched her walk slowly down the hallway looking back only once as she turned to go up the stairs. “I love you, Mom,” I whispered as she walked out of sight.
I sat in my Grand Valley dorm room and looked around trying to take in everything around me. A few tears rolled down my cheek as the realization of being alone set in. I wanted to jump up and run to catch up with my parents and tell them I had changed my mind about college and that I wanted to go home, but I knew I could not. I immediately started to hate college and wanted to return home as soon as possible. I was surrounded by all my belongings, but none of them were what I wanted. I just wanted to be home, and then I heard a voice.
“Hi, I’m Annie!” I jumped as the unfamiliar sound took me from my thoughts. My neighborhad come to introduce herself and to ask me the same questions that every other person had asked that day. I replied that I was from Addison, an exceptionally small town, and as always I had to map it out on my hand. I also told her I was pre-law and planning on majoring in legal studies. Annie and I talked for awhile and got to know each other. After I told her how nice it was having met her, I allowed my thoughts to wander.
I remembered when I was eight. It was my first day of second grade and I was not excited to go. The whole morning I begged my mom not to make me, but despite my pleading, my mother very gently got me to go to school. When I got there I was miserable, and spent all morning sniffling and trying not to cry. At lunch time, I got my lunch pail and headed to the cafeteria. As I unzipped the lid, a note card was sitting on top of my sandwich with a pink ribbon tied to it. The note read, “I love you Boo, xoxo Momma.” The pink ribbon was a piece of my special blanket; I immediately curled my fingers and held on to that ribbon as I read the note again and again. At that moment I realized I would be okay in second grade. Knowing I was in my mother’s thoughts was comforting and got me through the end of the day until I got to go home.
Thinking back on it, I was that little girl again. It would be so nice to be close to mom and for my only worries to be learning how to write in cursive and memorizing multiplication tables. Now I was making decisions that would impact the rest of my life. I was picking a major, working, and trying to do everything on my own. Things would be so much easier if I were at home; I would have my mom there to help and it would be so much less overwhelming.
I snapped back to reality, I was in a new place, surrounded bythe unknown, and in a closet of a room. I began to panic, this was a major life event and I despised it. My heart began to pound as I realized I was trapped in this place for the next four years. My mind raced with thoughts of never going home and not seeing my parents. I even began to doubt my ability to succeed in college. Would I even be able to do the homework and pass the exams? There were so many things going through my mind I could not control myself. Hot tears began to slide down my cheeks as fear and anxiety took hold of me. I sank into my desk chair and cried, butI knew that I had to do something to calm myself, so I opened one of my empty desk drawers to fill it with my belongings, and just as I was about to drop in a few pens and pencils, my hand froze, and my jaw dropped. Lying in the bottom of my empty desk drawer was a note card. With atrembling hand I slowly reached for it, holding it, I read the familiar writing, “I love you Boo, xoxo Momma.” I was amazed, I could not figure out how my mom knew I would need her almost immediately after she left. That note card could not have been found at a more perfect time. My mom had managed to calm me with a simple note, while not even being there. That note card made me realize that I can go home; it will always be there. I may leave,but when I want to return I can, and will always be welcomed back with open arms.
Leaving my family has been the most difficult part of my life to date. There is something comforting about coming home to the same familiar faces, smells, and surroundings. Being left at college defined for me the importance of home and let me realize that I can always go back. When times are tough, I have a support system always ready and waiting to help me. Knowing that allowed me to enjoy my first college events and eased the homesickness.
My first two weeks at college were spent exploring the campus, finding the best places to eat, meeting new people, and deciding what classes I did and did not like. I started working and became even busier. I called my parents several times a day, probably too much looking back on it. We had a little countdown going of how many days until I could come home, Labor Day could not come quickly enough. Each day got a little easier for me. I was still homesick, but the realization that I could always go home on weekends made everything better. As my countdown dwindled, I was so excited, because I was going home! I loaded up my books, homework, and of course dirty laundry and was on the road.
I breathed a sigh of relief as I pulled into my driveway; it was so nice to see something so familiar. When I opened my door my dog came running to greet me, with her tail wagging the fastest I had ever seen. My mom came outside and met me in the drive. I gave her a huge hug, and I breathed a sigh of relief. We went inside both talking a mile a minute, because we both had so much to tell each other. We spent the afternoon just talking and hanging out like we used to, and nothing had changed.
That night my whole family was home for dinner, and it was a big one of course. We all sat around and talked and they listened to my stories of getting lost, bad food, and what I thought of my classes so far. It was nice to come back to them after being away, and I appreciated them in a whole new way.
When it was time to go back to school, I was not so upset as I was the first time I left. Coming home clarifiedfor me that home will always be there; as I got in the car my mom hugged me one more time. “See you soon Mom,” I said, and I backed out of the drive and drove away without one tear.