Sally Student

Sally Student

English 9 Advanced

Mr. Landefeld

20 August 2015

Double-Entry Journal:

The Climb by Bob Jones

PASSAGE #__:
“The surgery had taken its toll. Jim was semi-conscious, coming in and out in fits and starts that were amplified by his fluctuating morphine drip. He slept. He awoke, groggy. Eyes rolling back but trying to focus on something, anything. He took a breath. Pain. Immense pain in his side. Stabbing. Pain. Garbled, distant voices. A hand on his forehead. A warmth in his arm. It eased, slowly, the pain, until it spread gently and deeply into his chest, withering like a dead leafon a dying branch, and falling away. He drifted into darkness again” (Jones 145).
RESPONSE:

• Leading up to this passage, Jim was coming out of a major surgery to repair his ruptured spleen and collapsed lung after falling during his hike up Mount Hood. This clarifies just how dangerous the hike and the fall were, and it captures the reality of recovery. Jones offers you a glimpse of his struggle to even balance on the edge of consciousness.
• Jones uses words, sentence structure, and figurative language to emphasize this struggle. Words such as “toll” and “semi-conscious” paint the picture of a hurting man who is just awake enough to experience the pain, but not cognizant enough to communicate with anyone about it. The sentences are choppy and short when he feels the stabbing pain to express him likely flinching or breathing in short gasps from the pain. The metaphor of a withering branch makes the reader think of the rib cage and spine as a tree, with the pain spreading off of it after the morphine is adjusted.
• I have been in the hospital for food poisoning a couple of times, and the feeling of being so exhausted from the effort to expel all the food and drink of the day is overwhelming, especially when you’ve been over the toilet a dozen times, your abdominals ache, your legs tremble, and your face is bloodshot from straining with dry heaves. I was absolutely wrecked when the doctor finally put IV drips into my system to rehydrate me. It felt like I was slowly becoming human again, instead of a shriveled, shaky, withered bag of skin.
• This passage also makes me think of Civil War soldiers who were treated for bullet wounds, infections, and other injuries in field tents without any medication or anesthesia to ease the pain. Imagine having your leg amputated with only a piece of wood to grit your teeth on. I wonder if that’s where the phrase “Just bite the bullet” originated? What’s worse -- after the excruciating surgery, there was nothing to make you sleep or feel better. Your body had to recover on its own. Most soldiersdied from infection after the surgery. Gruesome way to go. Thankfully, medicine has progressed significantly, even in recent decades with new medicines and technologies. When I read about Jim’s recovery in this passage, I am grateful that we have these medical advancements so that he has a chance to fully recover in a relatively short amount of time even though it’s difficult for him at this moment so soon after surgery.

Examples as a Set

The Superficial (Failing) Response:

Wow, he must be upset. He’s saying he put his hands on his eyes and it hurt. Sounds painful. Sounds like he likes his
family a lot. Maybe they’re nice to each other. Must be sad to know they’re going away. I don’t know what their problem
is, but it seems unfair to leave him behind. That’s bad parenting even if there is a war going on. War is tough on people.

The Average (“C” range) Response:

The author is talking about holding back tears here. What’s interesting though is that he doesn’t actually write that
he implies it instead. I like that because it gets me involved in reading and visualizing it. This boy’s experience in the
war is tearing his family apart, but this seems to be the first time he’s really admitting it to himself. That must be
difficult because now its real. I lost a cousin of mine once in a car accident, so I know a little about this feeling…
except in his case, he was with them knowing that tomorrow, he would be alone. I wonder what he will feel like
tomorrow, or if he will get a bit of sleep tonight. I know I’d want to spend every waking moment with the people I was
sure to lose. I probably should do that more now.

The Very Effective (“A” range) Response:

The author is talking about holding back tears here. What’s interesting, though, is that he doesn’t actually write that;
Instead, he implies it. This gets readers more involved in reading and visualizing it. Also, the writer uses alliteration when he
writes how he “pressed … to the point of pain.” This boy’s experience in the war is tearing his family apart, but this seems
to be the first time he’s really admitting it to himself. That must be difficult because now he knows it’s real. I lost a close
cousin of mine once in a car accident, so I know a little about this feeling… you’re wondering how to fill that void they’ve left. However, in his case, he was standing right next to the very people he knew he would lose tomorrow. That must have made
it even worse – like wanting to hold onto air or keep the taste of something sweet in your mouth forever. Maybe it’s like the moment before a parent moves away after a divorce. I think psychologists call this separation anxiety. I wonder what he will
feel like tomorrow – shaking stomach and a lump in his throat? Will he get a bit of sleep tonight? I know I’d want to spend
every waking moment with the people I was sure to lose. I probably should do that more now, but it’s difficult because when
life gets busy, we get distracted. I wonder how many other children faced this same kind of moment because of the war?
Probably thousands. Then, that whole generation grows up with that scar…wouldn’t that affect the way they are as adults?
Would they be more likely to continue to fight because they’re bitter and used to war, or would they want peace so their
children wouldn’t have to experience suffering?