KAMPONG HASH JULY 2011 - RUN 145
RUN SITE:- JALAN KAMPONG CHANTEK
(but Kampong Chantek wasn’t used…just to trick the runners)
It was a beautiful evening.
Bagless 2 was raring to go, and so he did,
with Consultant Hare,
our very own GM - Ad-Nauseum.
I refused to accompany them, as I knew there would be some conflict. Perhaps there would be conflict regarding which direction the run should take, or where to put the T Checks or where to put the Circle Checks. How long should the run be? I think we should go this way, NO, I think we should go the other way.
I’m sure you get the general idea.
The run started by heading off towards Rifle Range Road. All was going extremely well at this stage of the evening. Yes I know the run had only just started, but I have to say something nice and this is my only chance. The Hares eventually used the Dairy Farm trail with good T checks to keep the pack together... ending up at the Wallace trail and out onto the pipeline path and back home.
First runner in on trail, timed at 55minutes was Tight Arse, who declared the run,
“A bloody good run”……….. Wow! Not sure how much the hares had paid him to make that comment, but they must have paid everybody else as well, because the run was declared “A bloody good run” by all the runners, including our ex-Grand Mistress, Olive- Oyl.
I had been busy back at the run site preparing some nibbles (of food) for the runners and everyone tucked in to the chips n dips and chicken wings. Lots of happy chatting and then some time later after everyone had showered and were in relax mode, I noticed Hash Brew hadn’t returned. I immediately informed the Hares. As we all know Hares are ultimately responsible for all runners returning safely to the run site.
It would be incorrect of me to not advise KHHH readers that in this particular case, the Hare, Bagless 2 and the Consultant Hare Ad-Nauseum were not at all concerned about a fellow hasher being missing, with both hares saying that Hash Brew can’t get lost in this area……. not possible.
I was rather worried and tried to discuss this problem with the Hares.
What if Bagless has fallen over, or the rangers have nabbed him and he is now in custody because they (The Rangers) have spotted the toilet paper being laid. Bagless 2 replied, No Way, because I picked all the paper up when I was running the home trail!!!!! To which Ad-Nauseum added , So did I .
Hence the Mystery of why Bagless was missing had been solved, but the question remained…… where was he??? Hash Brew being MIA was obviously not a worry to anyone at all, only me, because that meant I would have to do another job for Kampong Committee.
The job in question at that particular moment being Hash Brew, as well as On-Sec, Whip, and now it looks like the scribe. (And don’t forget, I am not on the Committee.)
Bagless did eventually get back safely after using his G3 Satellite phone after the Park Rangers had deliberately sent him the wrong way!!
Now it’s time for the circle.
Guests were welcomed, Tom, Hooray, Jonathon (a Virgin) Penile Extension,
Loose Change, Sue-Me ex - GM Vientiane) and Deep Throat.
The GM brought Bagless in to the circle and bollocked him for causing great concern to his fellow hashers.
The GM showed no sympathy whatsoever for the fact that hash Brew was de-hydrated and delirious.
Poor Bagless could hardly stand up…….. and that was before he had a beer.
Then, as etiquette demands, Bagless 2 was invited to sit on ice, thanked for a good run, even though the GM was bollocking him at the same time for being too conscientious in removing the paper too early……..
With Ad-Nauseum in charge, the Whip could see that the circle was going to get out of hand so she stepped in to help out.
#1. Deep Throat had arrived at the run site very late, so late the run had finished, however she had an explanation and told the Whip that KHHH website had clearly stated that the run that evening was at Jalan Anak Bukit.
Surely this couldn’t be true and what’s more Deep Throat was blaming “Mary’s Dick” for the problem.
The Whip went over to Mary’s Dick and asked him if this could be true. Mary’s Dick replied, Well I get the blame for most things, so what’s new??? The Whip then asked Deep Throat if she was sure, very sure, that “Mary’s Dick” had tried to lead her up the garden path. “Yes absolutely”, was her reply.
Then the Whip asked well if that’s the case how come all the other runners managed to find the run site at Jalan Kampong Chantek. Er, oh well, I’m not sure…..
Give Deep Throat a note, ‘She ought to be publicly p----- on for bringing “Mary’s Dick” into disrepute…………………
#2. The Whip had noticed before the run began that a number of Hashers were preparing themselves for the run by stretching their limbs, jogging on the spot and doing deep breathing to get some good fresh air into their lungs…..
but not “Sue-Me” our visiting Ex-GM from Vientiane.
Oh no, “Sue-Me” did her warming up for her lungs by having a couple of fags
(I should mention here that I mean cigarettes not the other kind of “fags.”)
Give “Sue Me” a note…..Here’s to “Sue Me”, she’s true blue…..
#3. The whip informed the circle that the GM had seriously upset her several times during the week, this is not unusual. However it was a beautiful evening and the Whip was looking forward to a relaxing time, so she decided to forgive the GM for the upset he had caused her.
Unfortunately that very evening another problem had arisen.
The GM had left home earlier than the Whip and then he had called her and asked was it possible she could take a particular envelope out of his bedside table drawer and bring it to the run site as he needed to return the envelope to someone at tonight’s run. OK, the Whip agreed to do this, but the Whip wondered what was in the envelope, so she had a sneak peek and what did she find?
Not one pair but two pairs of very unique earrings which the Whip had seen a member of KHHH wearing, several months before.
One pair of the earrings design was a phallic symbol. What’s going on??
Who did the earrings belong to?
None other than the Ex-GM - Olive Oyl.
What were the earrings doing in Ad-Nauseums bedside table?
The truth is:- a satisfactory explanation was not forthcoming, so give the Ex-GM and the current GM a note:-
They ought to be publicly p …………………..
The Ex GM came over to The Whip after this charge, and asked The Whip to stop picking on “Her GM!!!!
#4. Last but not least.
The Whip invited Bagless into the circle (as he was feeling better by then) and she advised the circle that she was feeling rather embarrassed with the dress code of KHHH Hash Brew.
Why was KHHH Whip feeling embarrassed about KHHH Hash Brew.
Well it’s because, Hash Brew on Wednesday has a sexy image Hash Brew on Friday has a sexy image, but KHHH Hash Brew, no way does he have a sexy image.
So at great expense, KHHH Committee has presented KHHH Hash Brew with a sexy outfit which now allows KHHH Hash Brew to display his very sexy willy.
Give Hash Brew a note……………….
OK circle over, because the Whip has to tidy up and do all the other jobs that the missing KHHH Committee didn’t do because they were all away watching Liverpool or going to a Hash wedding.
It was at this time that the Whip realized she had had a most stressful evening and why was that, well that’s easy to explain, because The Scot’s were playing a major role in the evenings events.
Would all KHHH Committee Members kindly be advised in the future to refer to paragraph 7, clause 22, of the KHHH Constitution, where it is clearly stated “ KHHH Committee Members must apply for Leave Of Absence….LOA…….
3 months in advance of any leave even being considered.
ON-ON to Slimes Birthday Run In August.
Scribe report written by:
(Current GM’s wife)
(Acting Mystery Whip- when Whip is away for wedding and going without Olive )
(Acting Hon Sec – when Asst Hon Sec is away watching Liverpool game)
(Acting Whatever – when no committee members are around , the price you pay for being GM’s wife).