ADDITIONAL EXERCISES in COHERENCY

Revising Topic Sentences
The three paragraphs that follow are taken from a brochure explaining to the general reader some of the responsibilities involved in owning a horse. The topic sentences do not clearly indicate the organizational pattern the writer is using. Rewrite or add topic sentences to provide better coherence between and within paragraphs.

The first investment needs to be in education. Any horse owner needs to have some knowledge of horse care, riding, and horse psychology. Without education, the owner can unintentionally cause tragic consequences. A horse that gets into the grain bin can die a very painful death. An owner who is rough or inconsistent can turn a well-behaved horse into a rebel. An owner who is not paying attention can get an unexpected kick when the horse becomes frightened....
These consequences can be minimized in direct proportion to the time spent with the horse. Horses are social animals that need contact with others. If there are no other horses available, the owner will be its focus and will need to spend more time with it. The horse should be handled and worked daily so that any physical or mental problems that occur can be spotted quickly. This will also build the communication that is necessary for a happy relationship....
Horse expenses can be divided into the initial outlay and maintenance costs. You can spend any amount for a horse. A good price for an average horse is $1,200 to $3,500. You should always get an expert's evaluation before you buy. The saddle and tack will probably cost from $350 to $2,000. The cost of keeping a horse can range from $500 to $3,500 a year, depending on the services you need....

Revising a Passage in a List Format

Revise the following passage (based on Snyder, 1993) using a list format. The subject is bioremediation, which isthe process of using microorganisms to restore natural environmental conditions.

Scientists are now working on several new research areas. One area involves using microorganisms to make some compounds less dangerous to the environment. Although coal may be our most plentiful fossil fuel, most of the nation’s vast Eastern reserve cannot meet air-pollution standards because it emits too much sulfur when it is burned. The problem is that the aromatic compound dibenzothiophene (DBT) attaches itself to hydrocarbon molecules, producing sulfur dioxide. But the Chicago-based Institute of Gas Technology last year patented a bacterial strain that consumes the DBT (at least 90 percent, in recent lab trials) while leaving the hydrocarbon molecules intact.

A second research area is the genetic engineering of microbes in an attempt to reduce the need for toxic chemicals. In 1991, the EPA approved the first genetically engineered pesticide. Called Cellcap, it incorporates a gene from one microbe that produces a toxin deadly to potato beetles and corn borers into a thick-skinned microbe that is hardier. Even then, the engineered bacteria are dead when applied to the crops.

A third research area is the use of microorganisms to attack stubborn metals and radioactive waste. Microbes have been used for decades to concentrate copper and nickel in low-grade ores. Now researchers are exploiting the fact that if certain bacteria are given special foods, they excrete enzymes that break down metals and minerals. For example, researchers at the U.S. Geological Survey found that two types of bacteria turn uranium from its usual form—one that easily dissolves in water—into another one that turns to a solid that can be easily removed from water. They are now working on doing the same for other radioactive waste.

Adding Transitions

The following paragraph was written by the contractor for a nuclear power plant. The audience is a regulator at the Nuclear Regulatory Commission (NRC), and the purpose of the paragraph is to convince the regulator to waive one of the regulations. In this paragraph, transitional words and phrases have been removed. Add an appropriate transition in each blank space. Where necessary, add punctuation.

As you know, the current regulation requires the use of conduit for all cable extending more than 18 inches from the cable tray to the piece of equipment. ______conduit is becoming increasingly expensive: up 17 percent in the last year alone. ______we would like to determine whether the NRC would grant us any flexibility in its conduit regulations. Could we ______run cable without conduit for lengths up to 3 feet in low-risk situations such as wall-mounted cable or low-traffic areas? We realize ______that conduit will always remain necessary in high-risk situations. The cable specifications for the Unit Two report to the NRC are due in less than two months; ______we would appreciate a quick reply to our request, because this matter will seriously affect our materials budget.

Making New Paragraph Breaks
Work with another student to complete this exercise on coherence. The following passage consists of one long paragraph. Place a check mark at logical places to begin a new paragraph. Exchange your copy of the passage with your partner. Discuss the reasons why you placed the check marks where you did.

Compact discs, which have revolutionized the recorded music industry, are doing the same for the book publishing industry. A number of reference books—such as trade directories and multivolume encyclopedias—are already available in compact-disc format. And now trade publishers are working out the legal issues involved in publishing their books in compact-disc format. How is the compact-disc technology applied to books? The heart of the system is the same as that used for recorded music. Any kind of information that can be digitized—converted to the numbers 0 and 1—can be transferred to the 4.7-in. diameter compact discs. Words and pictures, of course, are digitized in the common personal computer. Instead of outputting the digitized information exclusively as sound, the new technology hooks up a compact-disc player to a computer. The information stored on the disc is then output as words and pictures on the screen and as sound emitted through a speaker. Compact discs offer several important advantages over traditional delivery systems for printed information. First, compact discs can hold a tremendous amount of information. A 100-volume encyclopedia could fit on a single disc. The space storage advantages are considerable. Second, compact discs offer the accessing ease of an online system. If the user wants information on subatomic particles, he or she simply types in the phrase and the system finds every reference to the subject. On request, the citations or even the entries themselves can be printed out on paper. And third, information stored on compact discs can be updated much less expensively than paper information. The subscriber or purchaser simply receives an updated disc periodically.