BLACK BART PETE
SHERIFF NEWS MESSENGER
SAM
PROPS: Bible, telegram page (with note), wanted poster of Black Bart
THE LEGEND OF BLACK BART
(Opening Scene: BLACK BART ENTERS and moves about, looking for a place to hide. He finally slips behind the stage door. SAM and PETE ENTER pursue BART throughout the audience. THEY see him and jump up on stage in hot pursuit.)
SAM: Where did he go?
PETE: I dunno. He sure is tricky.
SAM: You mean “slimy.” He’s as slimy as a garter snake. Hey! (SAM motions to an open door. SAM and PETE approach the door with pistols drawn, and stand on either side.)
PETE: All right, Black Bart; we know you’re in there. Come out with your hands in the air (pause, but no response).
SAM: No use hidin’ from us. On the count of three, we’re comin’ in after ya. One . . . two . . .
(BART tries to slip out through the side curtain, but PETE sees him)
PETE: Oh, no you don’t!
(SAM and PETE quickly run up to BART, who freezes, knowing he has been caught. SAM and PETE stand on either side of BART, grabbing a piece of BART’S collar. THEY drag him to center stage. BART mutters that he was so close to freedom.)
SAM: You’re nothin’ but a dirty, rotten, low-down snake in the grass!
PETE: You’re a sleezy, slimy, filthy little varmit!
SAM: You’re gonna hang for all of your many crimes, Bart!
PETE: Got any last words?
BART: Uh . . . Sheriff!
(SHERIFF ENTERS and approaches center stage)
SHERIFF: What’s goin’ on, boys?
SAM: Sheriff, this here is none other than the infamous Black Bart.
PETE: (counts on fingers) Let’s see . . . horse thief, cattle rustler, bank robber, pick-pocket, and probably a few others I overlooked.
SHERIFF: Why, yes. Now that you mention it, he does look familiar. I do believe there’s a “Wanted: Dead or Alive” poster with his picture on it. I might even have a copy right here in my pocket . . . (SHERIFF pulls out a Black Bart poster). Yup, that’s him all right (SHERIFF then tosses the poster on the ground in disgust). What do you have to say for yourself, you no-good scallywagger?
BART: Sheriff, it ain’t me, I tell you! It’s my twin brother done did all those evil deeds!
SHERIFF: That’s what they all say. Every low-life seems to have an evil twin that’s just runnin’ around doin’ all kinds of mischief. Black Bart, I’m takin’ you in! But before I do, I figure I better read ya from the Good Book, because there ain’t a judge alive worth his salt that won’t sentence you to death by hanging for your many crimes, Bart. Let’s see here . . . (SHERIFF opens up the Bible and reads) . . . God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth upon Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” That means Jesus paid the price for your sins, Bart. If you ask him, Jesus will forgive you and come into your life to make you a new man. (SHERIFF turns and starts to walk away, pretty sure that Bart won’t go for it) What do you say, Bart?
BART: Yeah! I want Jesus!
SHERIFF: I knew it; I just knew (double take and turn around) . . . what did you say?
BART: I said I want Jesus! I’m tired runnin’ away from God. Maybe this would be a good time to get things right.
SHERIFF: Well, okay Bart. I done decided a long time ago that every man who was about to pay the ultimate price should at least get a chance to get things right before he met his maker. Okay, Bart, pray with me.
(PETE snatches Bart’s hat off of his head and slaps it in his chest. PETE and SAM bow their heads reverently.)
SHERIFF: How do you feel now, Bart?
BART: Wow, Sheriff! I feel like a new man! How ‘bout that?
SAM: Hate to tell you this, Bart, but just because you may now be forgiven of your debts in Heaven doesn’t mean you’ve been forgiven of your debts here on earth too.
PETE: What’s Sam’s sayin’ is that yer still gonna hang, Bart.
SHERIFF: Now that’s enough of that, boys!
SAM: Still, it’s true. Ain’t it the truth, Sheriff?
SHERIFF: Yeah, it’s true.
(NEWS MESSENGER ENTERS with telegram)
NEWS MESSENGER: Telegram, Sheriff! Fresh off the Post Office dispatch.
(BART gets really desperate and clenches his hands in silent prayer. He even drops to his knees and continues to pray in desperation for his life. BART slowly rises to his feet upon learning the good news from the telegram.)
SHERIFF: Go ahead and read it to me.
NEWS MESSENGER: You know I can’t read, Sheriff!
SHERIFF: Gimme that telegram! Let’s see here . . . It’s from the U.S. Marshall’s office. And it says, “Attention, all lawmen. The notorious Black Bart has just been captured up in Laramee, Wyoming. He is now safely in custody of the law, and all wanted posters of Black Bart may now be removed from the Post Office.”
NEWS MESSENGER: (now holding poster) Well I’ll be! If I didn’t know any better, I’d say Black Bart was standing right here in Yuma, Arizona (NEWS MESSENGER points at Bart). But if they got their man up in Laramee, then I guess this isn’t him after all.
SHERIFF: Nope. I guess we all owe you an apology, Bart. You’re free to go now.
BART: Well hallelujah! I’m free in more ways than one on this occasion! (BART EXITS)
SHERIFF: Well, where you goin’?
BART: I’m off to find a good church where I can praise God for the rest of my life! Hallelujah! Woo-hoo!
(SAM, PETE, and the SHERIFF all look bewilderedly at each other)
PETE: And they say nothin’ special ever happens in this here one-horse town . . .
THE END