Of Marriage Proposals and Porn
By Dennis Hong
Have you seen this heartwarming marriage proposal that made its rounds over the internet last week?
In case you didn’t watch the video because you’re at work... or have something better to do... or are an emotionless robot, basically, the boyfriend of a Chicago Bulls cheerleader wanted to propose to her. So, he got all the other cheerleadersandthe team mascot in on the plan. They stopped in the middle of a performance during the game, they danced around her at center court, he jumped out of a mascot costume, and she broke down in tears of joy.
Crazy-romantic, right?
Well, here’s my take on the whole thing:
[This is supposed to be an animated gif. If it doesn’t work, let me know, and I’ll email it to you directly.]
I simply don’t agree that proposals should be done like this.The way I see it, proposals are private affairs. Sure, you might ask a few buddies to help you out… plant the ring for you… hide behind the bushes… capture the big moment on video… take you out to a local bar and get you shitfaced when she knees you in the groin and runs away….
I get that.
On the other hand, when you turn your proposal into a public spectacle in front of tens of thousands of people, then you’re really just broadcasting your own ego and shamelessly congratulating yourself.
Did 20,000 basketball fans go to a game to watch some random dude propose to his girlfriend?
No, damn it. They went to a game to watch a dozen scantily-clad women grind to the latest techno remixes of popular songs.
Yet, some random dude thought it would be appropriate to subject 20,000 basketball fans to his private moment.
Also, let’s remember that marriage isn’t about public spectacle. It’s aboutcommitment— a promise made between two people. We have no idea how strong the relationship is between this couple. Yet, a sizable chunk of the internet now believes they are on their way to the perfect marriage. While there’s nothing necessarily wrong with a spectacular public proposal, I think it becomes an issue when it gets romanticized in this way. Just check out the comments on the video or the news coverage they’ve received. You knowsomethingis amiss when YouTube comments are actually dripping with love and affection.
And look, before anyone calls me out, this has nothing to do with any impending thoughts of marriage that I may or may not have. Nor does it stem from some deep-seated fear that proposals like these make normal, everyday guyswithoutaccess to an entire NBA arena look bad.
No, I just don’t believe in public proposals. To me, proposals are kind of like sex. Both are intimate expressions of the love, lust, or sweat-drenched anxiety that two people have for one another. And they should stay intimate like that.
Do you know what happens when you take sex and make it public? You get porn – stuff that people who aren’t getting enough sex drool over, and stuff that people whoaresexually fulfilled smirk at, because they know how unrealistic it is.
Similarly, do you know what happens when you take a proposal and make it public? You get engagement porn – stuff that people who aren’t happy with their own relationships drool over, and stuff that people in fulfilling relationships smirk at, because they know how unrealistic it is.
Not that there’s anything wrong with porn. If you know it’s just a fantasy, ifDebbie Does Dallasand viral public proposals give you the quick — ahem — “fix” that you need, good for you. Enjoy yourself. Bathe in that fleeting glow.
Just don’t start thinking it’s reality in any way, though. Because that’s when it will start messing with your own expectations, both in sexandin love.