Normal Grief Experiences

What you may experience physically:

  • Tightness in the throat or in the muscles
  • Heaviness or pressure in the chest
  • Inability to sleep or a tendency to oversleep
  • Periods of nervousness or even panic
  • Lack of desire to eat or desire to overeat
  • Experience of seeing or hearing your loved one who has died
  • Headaches or stomach/intestinal disorders
  • Lack of energy
  • Inability to concentrate

What you may experience emotionally:

  • Sadness and/or depression
  • Forgetfulness
  • Feeling guilty or angry about things that happened or did not happen in the relationship with the deceased
  • Anger towards others, God or the deceased
  • May cry easily and/or unexpectedly
  • Mood swings
  • May feel uncomfortable around other people
  • May not want to be alone
  • May feel lonely even when with a group of people
  • May feel a sense of death being unreal or that it did not actually happen
  • Feelings of emptiness or having been cheated
  • Haunted by thoughts of “if only” things had happened differently
  • Fear of what will happen next
  • Doubts or questions concerning why the death occurred
  • Desire to run away or become very busy in order to avoid the pain of loss
  • May feel like you are going crazy when overwhelmed with the intensity of feelings
  • A sense of relief that your loved one is not longer suffering

What to do for physical relief and healing

  • Take care of yourself physically by having a check-up with your family physician
  • If you lack a normal appetite, try to eat small healthy snacks. Return to a healthy, well-balanced diet as soon as you can.
  • Get some exercise – even if it is a peaceful, quiet walk.
  • Decrease your caffeine intake.
  • Beware of alcohol which can disrupt normal sleep patterns.
  • Check frequently that you have balance in your life: rest, recreation, prayer/meditation and work.

What to do for emotional healing and relief:

  • Be gentle with yourself. Remind yourself that what you are going through is normal.
  • Reach out to others. It is important to find friends you can talk to.
  • Tell and re-tell what happened, to remember things about your loved one and the experience of death. Good memories are also very important.
  • Be aware that people grieve in different ways. Do not measure your progress in handling grief against how others are grieving.
  • You may or may not cry often, but when you do cry, realize that it can be therapeutic. Do not fight the tears.
  • Confront guilt by realizing we often do the best we can with the knowledge and resources we have at the time. Talk about feelings of guilt with someone you trust.
  • Become familiar with the normal experiences of grieving and be willing to reflect on how you are experiencing your own grief.
  • Remember that grieving takes time, and that experiences and emotions can recur. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself to heal at your own pace.