NEGOTIATING WITH DEFFICULT PEOPLE1

Negotiating with Difficult People

RicelysCarrasquero

SienaHeightsUniversity

Abstract

Do you spend a lot of your time negotiating with difficult people? Maybe a lot of people have not analyzed the question. People spend a lot of time in their lives negotiating with relatives, friends, coworkers, and others about any subject. These conversations vary from smooth to difficult, depending of each personality. People intend to discuss, explain, convince, and support negotiations with others who sometimes have different points of view. Negotiators become frustrated when they deal with difficult people. The disappointment is not because of the offer that is being negotiated; the reason is how the conversation is been sent to the counterpart. And as human beings, each person has a certain kind of personality that may irritate others. Therefore, this paper is focused on understanding the types of difficult people in negotiations and how to deal with them. The bully, the screamer, and the buyer are some personalities found during negotiations. The competences and skills of a negotiator are the tools that will help him/her to reach a favorable agreement, a deal with an end win-win.

Introduction

Do you spend a lot of your time negotiating with difficult people? Maybe a lot of people have not analyzed the question. People spend a lot of time negotiating with relatives, friends, coworkers, and others about any subject. These conversations vary from smooth to difficult, depending of each personality. People intend to discuss, explain, convince, and support negotiations with others who sometimes have different points of view (Butler, 2005).

Negotiators become frustrated when they deal with difficult people. The disappointment is not because of the offer that is being negotiated; the reason is how the conversation is being sent to the counterpart. And as human beings, each person has a certain kind of personality that may irritate others (Wade, 2009). Therefore, this paper is focused on understanding the types of difficult people that can be faced during negotiations and how to deal with them.

Dealing with Difficult People

Everyone has come across people who are truly difficult. There are demanding persons who may talk negatively, insult others, or be abusive. Some negotiators prefer competition instead of collaboration, stonewalling instead of problem solving, and tough talk instead of active listening. Usually, when a negotiator does not obtain what he wants from his counterpart, the negotiator tends to write him off as difficult or irrational (Shonk,2013).

Psychologically speaking, people with low self-esteem are difficult to deal with. This kind of individual only feels well when they make their counterparts (Butler, 2005).

Difficult people are those who are complicated to interact with. They will go in the opposite direction of what you want or they will not do what you want them to do.Whoever deals with difficult people does not have to change them, he/she has to use special tools to communicate with their counterpart, and they will change by themselves (Brinkman & Kirschner, 2003). A difficult person is someone who has different beliefs and behaviors in relationship to the negotiator. Moreover, a difficult person is somebody who comes out with adverse, unfavorable, negative, or disadvantageous behaviorsto his/her own best interests and to the interests of his/hercommunity; for example, insulting or using unnecessary language, being unprepared with goals or needs for meetings, being focused in self-interests and forget about his/her counterpart’s interests, lying, exaggerating, not knowing how to prioritize(Wade, 2009).

Brinkman and Kirschner (2003), found that sane people face certain struggles when they feel in jeopardy with unwanted circumstances. It is important to consider examining the possible motivations behind your counterpart’s obstinance ahead of time before becoming disappointed, discouraged, frustrated, threatened, or thwarted.Next, the writers explain different types of personalities which can be faced during negotiations and some recommendations for getting through each of them.

Dealing with personality types that stall the negotiation

The Bully

A bullyis someone who uses strength or power to damage or intimidate people who are weaker. They can appear in different sizes, shapes, and colors. Negotiating with a bully brings an unsatisfying experience since they use certain strategies, such as screaming, needling, making jokes, leaving offers, or making their counterpartfeel bad because of a joke. People who negotiate with a bully need to be wise and call the whole thing off at this point since someone who bullies during a negotiation, will probably try to bully after an agreement is reached.At no time try to outbully a bully. As an alternative, rely on the follow basic strategies of negotiating:

  • Be prepared. Research and know as much as possible about your counterpart’s interest and his bully strategies in order to use the right words and answers when he bullies you. Be prepared to be strong emotionally.
  • Establish your limits. Do not allow a bully or counterpart to do what you do not want.
  • Listen to what the bully is telling you. If both agree without threats, then both are getting a win-win. Do not feel intimidated by the hurtful language used by bullies.
  • Communicate in a clear and simple way. Do not leave doubt of what you want your counterpart to understand.
  • Control your emotions. Take a break and seek distance to cool off if it is necessary.
  • Close the negotiation as soon you get the deal done.

The Screamer

Screamers are those whose communicate through yelling or screaming. They seem like bullies. However, there are three types of screamers each of which require a very different response:

  • The screamer who yells is annoying but risk-free. In this case, it is better just to not respond.
  • The screamer is a bully. In this case, apply the basic skills of negotiating explained before. Do not allow this behavior.
  • The screamer who is truly angry, disturbed, or frightened. That will be explained.

When an angry screamer yells at you, try taking him out of the fire using phrases with an ”I” such as: “I hear from your voice that you are upset.”, “Let me be sure that I understand you . . .”, “Tell me more about that.”, “I feel belittled when you raise your voice this way. Can you speak more calmly?”, “I cannot listen to this. I will be back in a few minutes.”

These expressions can be used with any counterpart. They bring down and calm the screamer. Moreover, the negotiator can take short breaks in order to clear the air after an outburst. Another alternative is to send a substitute member to deal with the screamer.

The Star or theBoss

Sometimes when a negotiator makes a deal with someone for who he/she feels admiration and fascination, it creates a difficult position or situation where the negotiator cannot speak and negotiate effectively. To handle these situations, it is important that the negotiator be well prepared. He needs to know clearly his goals, what he wants, why he wants that, and authentic reasons why he makes all his requests. The negotiator needs to find out everything about his counterpart such as hobbies, interests, personal life, development at work, famous deals, and others. The best idea is gathering information.

Knowing the real human being rather than believing that he/she is an image on a pedestal can help to reach improvement on the agreement.

The Biased Buyer

The biased buyer is someone who has a difficult personality since he/she deals with a clever discrimination without verbalizing it. A negotiator believes that dealing with biased buyers is a certain loss.

When a negotiator deduces that those biases exist, the first step to do is confront that situation in the best way with serenity and dignity. Some practices are using phrases without emotion such as, “Are you open to granting this contract to a woman?”, “ . . . to an African-American man?”, “ . . . to a Chinese paraplegic?”

The negotiator will get many reasons which are convenient for the counterpart. It is better that the negotiator accept that explanation without sentiments. In a positive point of view, it is better to listen to the truth and ask the follow question, “Exactly what is your criteria for making a decision about the terms of this deal?” If the answer is price, press on. “What price must be beaten?”

It is good for the negotiator to ask if his price will be accepted by others counterparts and keep all the important information for future negotiations where there is suspected bias. The more details a negotiator has ahead of time about his/she counterpart’s interests, the more likely to prevent interruptions in the agreement.

Conclusion

Even though people like to do business with people they like, within the negotiation process we always meet difficult people with challenging personalities. Success depends on the ability of the negotiator. When people build trust and rapport of the other party, the negotiating turns out to be an advantageous for both. When the relationship is right, there will be a concession; when the relationship is wrong, adifficult situation will be faced. There are many strategies to confront demanding people. Next, some suggestions will help overcome difficult counterparts.

  • Separate people from the problem.
  • Be reflective.
  • Give positive, non-verbal feed-back.
  • Take notes.
  • Never respond to a hostile remark with another hostile remark.
  • Rarely issue an ultimatum.
  • When the other side is hostile or injured, express sorrow and empathy without accepting responsibility.
  • Eliminate the words “but,” “fair,” and “reasonable” from you vocabulary.
  • Do not take personal offense.
  • Recognize feelings as facts.

The competences and skills of a negotiator are the tools that will help him/her to reach a favorable agreement, a deal with an end win-win.

References

Brinkman, R., & Kirschner, R. (2003).Dealing with difficult people.24 lessons for bringing out the best in everyone.McGraw-Hill.Retrieved from…..

Butler, J. (2005). Managing deductions-negotiating for success.Business Credit, 107(4), 68.Retrieved from ProQuest Business Collection.

Shonk,K.(2013). Dealing with difficult people.Program on negotiation.Special Report. Retrieved fromProQuest Business Collection.

Wade, J. (2009). Negotiating with difficult people. Retrieved from

(2006). Chapter 13: Dealing with difficult people and situations, 195. Retrieved from 20_045220 ch13.qxp

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