Multiracial and Families of Color Retreats

Multiracial and Families of Color Retreats:draft 9/7/05 ltm

Facilitator Guide

Identity Based Ministries, Unitarian Universalist Association

My first experience with the multiracial families and families of color retreat was on the coast of Oregon. I had recently learned about organizing efforts for people of color within the UUA, and was interested in learning more. I cannot entirely explain the experience that I had there, but it was truly powerful. The organizers of the event had planned a series of activities to productively use the short amount of time we had together, however we never quite got to all of them. After the ingathering, many participants were struck by the number of UU people of color together in one space and at one time, intentionally. We shared how we had never had such an experience, and what it meant for us to do so. It was agreed that we would come together the next day to do the things our organizers had laid out for us. That time came, and again we found that simply exploring how we had come together and why we had never had this experience before was so profound, especially in a religious organization that speaks to interconnectedness and the embracing of diversity. Our discussions with each other alerted us to the importance of this gathering, what it meant to have never had this experience before, and what it would take to help others experience what we were feeling and observing for the very first time in our religious lives. While that first retreat may have acutely pointed out some of the very difficulties that our denomination faces around race, ethnicity and culture, it deepened my commitment to Unitarian Universalism, and I found a home within this denomination that I never thought or knew was possible. --James M. Coomes

IMAGINE a place where your family can talk to other multiracial or families of color who are also Unitarian Universalist….IMAGINE a gathering close enough to you for your whole family to attend and to experience feeling part of a larger Unitarian Universalist presence…IMAGINE a chance to talk about the particular challenges of multiracial or families of color in a predominantly white religious movement…IMAGINE the sense of community and excitement…IMAGINE and keep reading, because this guide is for you if you are interested in providing a safe and companionable space for multiracial families and families of color. If this is your goal, then this is not a “can do” guide: rather, it is a “must do.”

This guide is designed to help districts and congregations organize gatherings for multiracial and families of color. These retreat gatherings are part of a larger strategy to make our congregations more welcoming for the many people of color who are drawn to our theology. The Identity Based Ministries Staff Group of the Unitarian Universalist Association in partnership with Diverse and Revolutionary Unitarian Universalist Ministries (DRUUMM) and numerous UU’s from around the continent are committed to supporting these gatherings across the United States as part of our efforts to ensure that all who are Unitarian Universalist feel comfortable in our congregations.

I. BACKGROUND AND MISSION

As we begin our exploration of what it takes to hold a successful gathering for multiracial families and families of color, we want to start by exploring the background and mission of this important ministry work. Here are some questions you might ask:

“What is a Multiracial Families and Families of Color Retreat?”

It is a weekend-long camp designed specifically for multiracial families and families of color in the UU faith. It is tailored to meet the particular needs, and deal with issues unique to families of or including a racial or ethnic minority in the context of both family and community.

“What are the Goals of Multiracial Families Retreats?”

The purpose of multiracial families retreats is to build an intentional community within the UU church to support and increase the retention of people of color in the faith as well as building an intentionally diverse working community as a beacon and a safe space for multiracial families.

We would like to see multiracial families retreats in every district and/or region to encourage local solidarity among multiracial families, people of color and families of color as well as raising consciousness and encouraging anti-racist work within congregations and White communities by their very presence.

“Why Do We Need Multiracial Families Retreats?”

Discrimination and exclusion based on race and ethnicity continues to be real, both within North America and within the Unitarian Universalist Association of Congregations. While a number of our congregations have been engaged in sustained efforts to address systemic problems around race, people of color continue to report difficulty feeling at home in Unitarian Universalist congregations. Often within a multiracial family, partners of color are leaving the church. We need to encourage both parents/guardians in multiracial families to remain a part of the church, not just the White parent/guardian. We need to combat our systemic racism by providing support systems for families and people of color within the faith or we risk sabotaging our chances for a diverse and unique congregation. Multiracial families and families of color face unique challenges that are not experienced by white families in our congregations. As the number of transracially adopted children grows and as we continue our outreach to meet everyone who is a Unitarian Universalist at heart, the need for programming to address diverse family needs will increase.

“Have These Gatherings Ever Been Held Before?”

The Multiracial Family Network (see Appendix) held a number of multiracial families camps over a two year period which were very meaningful to their participants became a strong binding force between multiracial families. In addition, a number of other congregations have done programming to begin to address the needs of multiracial families or families of color.

“What Happens At One of These Retreats?”
A weekend gathering of this sort might include time to worship and sing together, prepare meals together, and informal time to share fellowship with one another. Children’s activities should be provided during three program blocks when adult programming takes place. Time can be set aside for youth and young adults of color to meet with one another. Goals and ideas for this sort of gathering can easily outstrip the time available—what is most important is that the retreat provides an opportunity to begin to build community.

Are These Retreats Worth the Effort?

Feedback from participants at previous retreats indicated that they would enjoy more such retreats and other opportunities for continuing connections with one another. The family focus and retreat format were both highly effective.

“Who Might Attend Such A Retreat?”

Who would attend would vary by region, but let’s take a look at who might attend by looking at figures from a retreat that was held in Oregon in the late 1990s. Including the organizers, thirty-four people attended the multiracial families/families of color retreat– eighteen adults, five youth, and eleven children. The age range was from 60+ to one year old. Among the adults, five were young adults (aged 18-35). There were two couples without children (one with grown children, the other expecting a child in June). Three of the adults were single parents. Most participants were from the PNWD (Washington and Oregon), however, three came from Massachusetts, eight from California, and one from Hawaii. Half of the adults (including the five young adults) were persons of color, as were nine of the eleven children, and all five youth. Nine adults and two children were Euro-American/white. All of the couples and the families with children present included at least one white/Euro-American adult.

“Why Would People Come to Such A Retreat?”

The Retreats that have been held demonstrated both the common needs and a huge diversity of needs multiracial and families of color have. Common needs include working on identity issues, anti-racism, and white privilege, and how to build community, trust and safety.

Diverse needs, which must be teased out and addressed individually, include:

• needs of adoptive parents and children
• issues around biracialism/biracial identity
• white/Euro-American parent issues separate from the issues of their children of color
• the need for community at differing levels, for example the needs for community for a family of color are different than the needs of a family with white parents and kids of color. These families are not necessarily going to find comfort and a sense of belonging in the same places.
• Age-based needs/developmental issues: children, youth, young adults, adults without children, adults with children….

How Can We Get People to Come?

The Rev. Suzelle Lynch, who helped organize retreats in the past, notes that outreach is key. Her experience is that the outreach must be personal and that it is likely to be more successful across congregations if the ministers and religious education directors can be encouraged to do the outreach themselves personally. Others point out that the economic status of many families of color and multiracial families means that cost is important. Finding a way to subsidize for those who cannot pay and keeping the costs to around $100 per family is suggested to make it more possible for people to come.
II. PHILOSOPHY, MISSION AND ALL THAT JAZZ….

Holding a retreat for multiracial families and families of color can seem like a relatively straightforward task. Yet knowing why it is important to do this work can be very important to establishing a retreat culture that ensures success. Interviews with a number of people who have participated in the pilot retreats suggest a few things to keep in mind.

Retreats Provide a Supportive Extended Unitarian Universalist Family. The main purpose of these retreats is to provide support for Unitarian Universalists who are in multiracial families or families of color. The reason this is necessary is too often our congregations do not have a large population of such families which can leave people feeling isolated or unsupported.

This is A Family Retreat. Today’s families get too little time together and a retreat that is for families must truly support families by giving them a chance to all be experiencing and growing. This should not be an event geared at adults with child care provided but instead should be a chance for participants at all ages and stages of life to experience and grow—sometimes as adults or children or youth separately and also together in an intentional intergenerational way.

These Weekends May Be A Doorway. Attendance at one of these retreats can be a doorway into a lifelong interest in examining one’s own identity and one’s family identity. It can lead an individual to explore multicultural resources, seek more information on diversity and multiculturalism, and also to explore the continuing effects of oppression in our society. Given the time constraints of a retreat weekend, in-depth exploration of topics such as racism, oppression and the long-term effects of these is difficult as is the multi-age and intergenerational nature and yet providing families and individuals with links to other resources can be sure they do more than peek through the doorway.

Finally, it might help to read one opinions about why this work matters:

Our congregations are in continuous change around racial and cultural diversity. While we have a legacy of white supremacy to deal with, namely our rejection of people of color as Unitarians, Universalists, Ministers and Members, we also have new and higher expectations coming out of the 1960's civil rights work, 1980's anti racism work, and now in the 21st century a sense of truly intergenerational anti-oppression work. The growing trend in the UUA from my experience has been the rise in transracial adoptions and the continued presence and new membership of multiracial families. We are a faith that has grown more comfortable welcoming multiracial families in part, and now is the time to think about the whole. By this I mean we need to welcome the people of color in multiracial families, which ultimately means we need to become more connected and comfortable with being in relationship to Communities of Color and living in a multiracial paradigm.

The UU Multiracial & families of color Camps held up and down the West Coast from 1998-2001 were seminal for our congregations. These 2 1/2 day events brought together whole families, raised questions that some including myself feel have received the "silent treatment" in our congregations, and began to help shape an anti-racist, multiracial paradigm. I specify anti-racist as we have forever lived in a multiracial world, or more appropriately USA and Canada. We have however lived in a racist multiracial paradigm, and continue to do so and operate out of this lived experience if we are not intentional. Organizing multiracial and family of color camps with a respectful understanding of the history and real lived realities of race and racism provide energy, vision and leadership for our principles of Unitarian Universalism and our ideals of world peace, justice and equality for all.

The growing number of families that adopt transracially and the presence of adults of color in our congregations are in my mind the two most important challenges we face in the next five years. The only UUA study in the last 25 years identified Black Males as the primary people of color constituency in our congregations, and geographically in the American Northeast. As a Person of Color of Asian/Pacific Islander descent married to another Pacific Islander with children, I feel an acute loss of a huge part of my life when I enter a UU congregation. There is much there that I love, having grown up UU in PortlandOR, but there is an equally significant part of my life that is under-represented, and sometimes marginalized and patronized in our congregations. The lack of an anti-racist/anti-oppressive White Ally presence is the second thing I notice after the underwhelming presence of People of Color. Our congregations can be multiracial in meaningful ways without the immediate mass recruitment of Persons of Color through long-term engagement on issues of race.

For young adoptees of color, as I once was, growing up in a congregation with Persons of Color is extremely important. This is likely a fantasy for many children of color in our congregations today. Thus, Multiracial & Family of Color Camps can play a key role in fostering relationships and creating space for dialogue around difficult issues with a supportive cast. A strong anti-racist commitment within a congregation though can help young people of color, and their families, be supported around the intense issues of racial identity development and fulfill our UU dream of racial justice and racial equality. We cannot pretend the issue and reality of racism does not exist, deny Persons of Color the right to assembly, and rest on a complicated UU history of racism and anti-racism if we truly believe in a free and responsible search for truth and meaning and the interconnected web of existence, of which we are a part.

There is a connection that happens in a more equitably racially diverse setting. This feeling of connection may be occasional given our dominant White super-majority in our congregations. But creating these opportunities in a consistent and long-term way will ultimately benefit not only our faith community as a whole in the short-term, but set a strong and visible example for the next generation.

In peace,

Joseph Santos-Lyons

UUA Director of Campus Ministry & Field Organizing Unitarian Universalist Seminarian, HarvardDivinitySchool

1. How Do We Get Started?

The key to a successful retreat is careful and meticulous planning. Gatherings of people from different backgrounds sometimes are prone to generate tensions and sloppy logistics can be a magnet for those tensions. That does not mean that planning a retreat has to be an overwhelming task, it simply means that attention to detail will go a long way to creating a rewarding and positive event.

A very thorough toolkit on how to plan a successful retreat is found on the web site of the Murray Grove Retreat and ConferenceCenter, which is funded in part by the Unitarian Universalist Funding Panel. It can be found at and is also available by sending a check for $7 to Murray Grove Association,
P.O. Box 246, Lanoka Harbor, NJ08734.

Here are some questions to consider as you begin to consider hosting one of these gatherings:

• Who is the Planning Committee? One dedicated person can help make an event happen and yet is not enough to do all that needs to be done. Consider whether you can find a core team of 4-6 people who share your enthusiasm for having a gathering for multiracial families and families of color in your area. As you put together that team, think about the skills those folks bring and be sure to have some that enjoy imagining the big picture as well as some detail-oriented folks.
• What Financial Resources Available to Make This Happen? The people resources are one consideration: you must also enter into the planning process with a realistic assessment of what the financial resources are at your disposal. You might consider approaching your district or congregation about the possibility of making this happen. The Murray Grove Toolkit has a sample budget that would help you think through the expense side.
• What is the Schedule to Make this Happen? To make the planning necessary for a successful gathering less onerous, establish a master schedule and delegate tasks. (The Murray Grove link has a good sample schedule to adopt.)
• Where Will We Hold The Event? A location that is friendly to kids and adults is best and finding this kind of location may be the hardest part of your jobs. A facility that allows an overnight stay can help build community faster and one that allows the group to prepare its own meals can greatly reduce costs.
• How Will We Get The Word Out? Communicating clearly and frequently to all the people you hope might attend is key to a successful event. Developing materials to help make this happen is one of the (See the Appendix for some samples you can modify.)
• What Will We Do? The possibilities for programming are as varied as the gifts, talents and passions within your group. That said, this manual has some “starter” activities that can help make planning your first retreat easier.

1. What Can We Do?: A Sampler of Possible Activities

The main goal of a multicultural family/family of color retreat is to build a sense of connection and community. In a certain way, what happens is less important that that it happens. That said, what happens can make it more likely that this goal would be reached. As you decide what to do within your retreat, keep in mind a few “organizing principles”: