Model of family in the view and experience of
Don Bosco.
(Aldo Giraudo, sdb)
In presenting the strenna for 2006: “Ensuring special attention is paid to the family, cradle of life and love and the first place where one learns to become human”the Rector Major quotes a passage from Novo millennio ineunte (n. 47):
“A special attention, then, must be ensured for family ministry, all the more necessary at a histroical time like the present […] We need to act so that, through an ever more complete gospel education, Christian families offer a convincing example of the possibility of a marriage lived in a way that fully conforms to God’s plan and to the real needs of the human person:The spouses, and above all the most fragile, the children”.
“Family ministry”, “ever more complete gospel education”, “marriage lived in a way which fully conforms to God’s plan and to the true needs of the human person”: I believe that Don Bosco would find himself fully in agreement with these aims, even if in his time and in the social reality for which he founded his work, there were situations of socio-economic and cultural degradation compromising or impeding the primary educational role of family, with serious repercussions for society and Church,rather than “a cultural setting contrary to family” or a “privatisation of marriage” in a pseudo-libertarian perspective (as the RM writes, alluding to the situation we live in today,. There was no divorce problem or de facto couples, nor was legal abortion approved and encouraged. Other problems weighed on the family and weakened its consistency and mission. For example, we have records of many illegitmate births: in Turin, in 1837, of 2912 births, 741 were illegitimate (an average of of 1 illegitimate birth to every 4 born). There was endemic poverty, aggravated by recurring famines that often brought extreme poverty and resulted in migration towards the city, with consequent uprooting from social, ethical and religious points of references, and loss of dentity. There was the extreme exploitation of the lower classes. There ws a lack of any kind of social welfare. There were the degrading phenomena of alcoholism, ignorance, lack of hygiene and nutrition, that increased the likelihood of pandemics (typhoid and cholera) early mortality, brutalised men and women of the poorest sectors of society and brought an increase in social issues and problems, over and above the abandonment of religious practice. There was, in particular – something which influenced Don Bosco’s choices in a determining way – a great number of orphans abandoned to their own designs, boys put to work at an early age, minors exploited and totally neglected by the families who were incapable of looking after them or found it impossible to provide for their upbringing.
1. The family and its mission in Don Bosco’s writings
All this is mirrored in Don Bosco’s writings, which are – other than being ways of bringing up young people and forming people in general –also a documentation of a social and cultural reality in evolution, expression of a mentality, vision, mission.
We do not find a theoretical discourse on family, but a constant reference to the fundamental mission of the family, with exhortations, teachings, and a proposal of exemplary models or realistic and practical solutions.
1.1. The mission of the family
1.1.1. Don Bosco’s vision is a realistic one
There is no ideal family in his writings, but real ones; he mirrors concrete life situations in their various forms:
- there are the poor but attentive parents of Dominic Savio and of Francis Besucco who, working in harmony, ensured a solid religious, educational and human basis through example and teaching (Vita del giovanetto Domenico Savio …, 1859; Il Pastorello.. 1864);
- there are the noble parents of Marianna (the Carmelite, Blessed Mary of the Angels) who by giving a solid Christian upbringing to their daughter from her earliest years contributed to her calling and to her sanctity (Vita della beata Maria degli Angeli carmelitana scalza torinese, 1865);
- there is Pietro’s mother who firmly, with kind, patient dedication brought up her child despite the resistance from her husband who was a coarse character and a bit too fond of the vino, until together with her son they were able to change him and convert him (La forza della buona educazione, 1855);
- there is the tender, religious mother of Valentino who sought to correct and ennoble the teachings of Osnero, her honest and generous husband, with his liberal and secular ideals (Valentino o la vocazione impedita, 1866);
- there is Severino’s father, who personally took on the upbringing of his children in the place of his superficial, distracted and wasteful wife (Severino ossia avventure di un giovane alpigiano raccontate da lui medesimo, 1868);
- there is also the holy family of Nazareth, which Don Bosco holds upin praise of Joseph’s paternal mission (Vita di S. Giuseppe sposo di Maria e padre putativo di G. 1867);
- and then there are the many boys without a family, abandoned, orphans or far from home, whom Don Bosco becomes a father to, for whom and with whom he sets up Valdocco a a substitute family.
1.1.2. The duties of parents
The duty of the family, in Don Bosco’s way of seeing it, is basically that of “giving a Christian upbringing to the children”. When Don Bosco speaks of parents and children he does not miss the chance to put this aspect into perspective. Let me offer you some examples:
”His first concern was to educate his family in the fear of God”, says the elderly Pietro who gathered his children around them to isntruct them(Conversazioni tra un avvocato e un curato di campagna…, 1855, p. 8);
“The father of the family must “render account for the souls of his beloved children, of the way he tried to educate them in Christian virtue, and make them useful and profitable for scoiety and for their own private good”, and must “nurture them with care in the holy fear of God” (Porta teco cristiano ovvero avvisi importanti intorno ai doveri del cristinao…, “1858, pp. 8, 24);
“The solicitude of good parents is focused on giving a Christian upbringing to their children” (La vita del giovanetto Savio Domenicoc…, 1859, p. 12);
“Mario and Martha were intimately persuaded that the first richness of childhoodis the holy fear of God, and that without this all the riches of the earth are to no avail.And so for this reason … they showedthe greatest solicitudein teaching the truths of religion to their childrenso they would grow in virtuewhile they were growing in years” (Una famiglia di martiri…, 1861, p. 7);
“Since his mother knew how much it meant to give a timely beginning to her child’s proper upbringing she spared no solicitude in instilling solid principles of piety in the tender heart of her dear son” (The pastorello delle Alpi…, 1864, p. 9-10);
“For Marianna it was a great fortune to have parents of such outstanding piety and religion.Given that she was brought up in such a Christian fashion by them, she was able to provide a solid foundation for building up the holiness that we have admired in her” (Vita della beata Maria degli Angeli carmelitana scalza, 1865, p. 9);
“His mother [ Valentino’s], a good Christian woman, was completely set ongiving her son a solid upbringing.She herself was the teacher.Right from his infancy she taught him his prayers, the short catechism along with the first steps in reading and writing” (Valentino o la vocazione impedita…, 1866, p. 3);
“His pious parents [Joseph and Mary] took care to bring him up in the serious duties of the Jewish religionKnowing how much an early education would influence the future of their beloved child, they set toto ensure he loved and practised virtue as soon as his youthful intelligence could understand and appreciate it” (Vita di S.Giuseppe…, 1867, pp. 10-11);
“My parents were good Christiansandset out tobring me up in the Christian religion” (Severino ossia avventure di un giovane alpigiano…, 1868, p. 6).
Finally, Don Bosco has this to write about his father:He was “very involved in giving a Christian upbring to his children” (Memoirs of the Oratory…, 1991, p.31) and of his mother he writes:“her greatest concern was to instruct her children in religion, teach them in obedience…” (MO, p. 33).
We could multiply the examples.They all show how in Don Bosco there was a conviction that the function of family is a determining one, that parents are, for better or for worse, the key indivduals in the pedagogical process, that the success or failurein upbringing depends on their efforts and example, their ability to remain close by, their reasonable and loving dialogue, their care for detail and their intelligent appreciation of the occasions and rhythms of educational dialogue.
At the heart of their mission is their responsibility to educate in a Christian way:Formation in faith and prayer, instruction according to the maxims of the Gospel and the Church, communication of a system of ethics and values, catechising the children, giving them practice in moral, cardinal and theological virtues, keeping them from evil by preventing dangers, negative experiences, bad companions through love and good advice, correcting their defects and failings.
His conviction was that this mission is achieved through “dedication”, “with commitment”, “wth great care”, “with maximum solicitude”, “setting out” with one’s whole soul, without fear of sacrifice, forgetting oneself completely.He offers us a spirituality, and an ’asceticism of the family’s mission.The lexicon we find in Don Bosco’s writings is important: It not only reveals his vision and his teaching, but expresses his commitment as an educator-pastor who put everything into educating young people in Christian way, with an effective, concrete and “living assistance”.
The examples first quoted are accomapnied by concrete examples of the way in which a family formation is to be carried out:Everything happens in the context of an affectionate, patient and delicate dialogue, in the sharing of activities, in the attention given to detail.It all requires much dedication.Severino’s father takes direct care of his children:
“He himself repeatedly did it and often gave up moments of rest to look over school work, have us repeat our lessons or explain difficulties that we would usually come across at that age.Sometimes at the same time he would have me recite or say out loud a piece from a book […].I was barely seven at the time, and already he used take me along to the sacred functions in the parish church.I remember that because of my small stature I couldn’t dip my fingers in the holy water font, he would lift me up till I could reach, guide my hand to make the sign of the cross, then got me to kneel down beside him helping me in a most loving way” (Severino ossia avventure di ungiovane alpigiano…, 1868, 7-8).
Don Bosco, above all, begins from a presupposition he often spoke about:There is no true education without religion.The “good Christian and honest citizen” are two sides of the same coin.It is true that Valentino’s father, was a “man full of honesty and courtesy, [who] did what good he could and did evil to no one.But he was dominated by a not-so-minor error.He believed he could get his son to be a virtuous and honest citizen without first making him a good Christian” (Valentino, 4). The good wife, then, dedicated all her efforts to “correcting and ennobling the husband’s teachings”, seeing to a religious upbringing, a constructive assistance, in a constant loving and attentive dialogue with the boy:
“She would often say to Valentino:‘My child, remember that God sees everything.He blesses good young people in the present life and rewaards them in eternity; while on the contrary he curses the wicked, shortens their life, and punishes them in the other world with eternal punishment’.Every morning she took him by the hand, took him to church, gave him the holy water, showed him how to make the sign of the cross; got him to kneel down; opened the prayer book and and pointed out the useful prayers to follow Holy Mass with.On feast days she always took him to Mass with her, to catechetics, instruction and to benediction.When it was time for him to receive the Sacraments she prepared him some days beforehand, then took him to confession.After confession she helped him with his thanksgiving, adding the advice that a diligent mother knows how to give her beloved children […].Although Valentino sometimes disobeyed he never forgot the loving advice his affectionate mother had tried to sow in his tender heart.And when occasionally her son would get bored, she knew just the right time to introduce some pleasant fun to temper his piety with.Games, walks, gifts, little things to play with, sometimes something to eat were the little things that this good mother used encourage and reward her child’s good conduct with.And so the mother became the master of her child’s heart, while he himself found his greatest delight in walking, talking, dealing with her” (ivi, 6-7).
“But a sad bereavement”brought this happy upbringing to a close: Valentino “was barely twleve when his beloved mother was struck down by illness which deprived her of her life shortly afterwards” (ivi, 7). The father who because of his business was unable to care for his son’s upbringing, sent him to a ‘well-renowned’ boarding school, very modern, “and secular”, where religion was on the sidelines.The style of his environment and the influence of his companions impacted negatively on the young lad, who became negligent, dissipated, and in a year everything was ruined.Then the father recalled his wife’s insistence:“I want you to find another boarding school where religion is taught well , and where it is recommended and put into practice.He then had to confess that unfortunately, without religioin, it is impossible to educate youth” (ivi, 17). So Valentino, now placed with good priests, far from bad companions and bad books, and put with good friends, through “music, recitals, drama”, forgot his dissipated life and became virtuous (ivi, 22).
The story serves to illustrate Don Bosco’s thesis.According to himOsnero made a double mistake:1) He undervalued the role of religion; 2) his lack of personal involvement and dedication to his son’s upbringing.This was a father with liberal ideas (secular), inclined to see religion as superstition, or something for women and children, and besides he gave more attention to his business than to the personal care of his son (“Administration, markets, fairs, parties at caffe’s and hotels did not give him time to look after his son’s upbringing”, p.9). The results were disastrous.A Christian education given in the boarding school (Salesian) was able to repair the damage and contribute to Valentino’s formation in virtue.But later on the obstinacy of his father, who was putting impediments in the way of his son’s religious calling, and in fact worse still, putting a teacher in charge of him to destract him away from religion, was a distaster both for the boy and himself.
Some occasions are privileged ones for family spiriutal pedagogy, in particular praying together and the preparation for first communion.The examples are many, and here we offer a text that is very close to the Memoirs of the Oratory:
“At the time of my first communion he himself wanted to prepare me and for the whole month preceding that memorable day[my father] used have me read each morning and evening from a chapter of Gesù al cuor delgiovane adding some thoughts that he believed would be helpful for me.In the morning set for the communion he stayed for four hours with me in church.He helped me make my confession, helped prepare me, and when I made my communion he made the thanksgiving with me and my friends.“Severino”, he said, bringing me back home “in the future think of the joy of this day.But remember that you can keep the delight of such a beautiful day in your heart so long as offending God doesn’t distance your heart from his holy grace”.
And he had the commendable habit of reciting the usual prayer in the family.In the morning we all arose at a determined hour, then with my mother, brothers and sisters, with the servants and sometimes with relatives and friends we knelt down; it was he who led the prayer saying and ensuring that we said the words piously, devoutly and distinctly.Of an evening he did the same, but before we went to bed he wanted us to do some reading from the life of the saint of the day” (Severino, 1868, 9).
1.2 The childrens’ attitudes
As a formator of young people, Don Bosco provided ample room in his work to illustrating the duties and attitudes of children towards their parents:They were invited to tenderly love their parents, show them frequent signs of affection, show recognition and especially be obedient and well-behaved:“The first virtue of a young person is obedience to his parents”, he had said already in 1847 in the pages of the The Companion of Youth: