Ministering to the Angry Person

The anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God. James 1:20

Anger Defined

Anger is an intense emotion. It is a sign that something or someone has crossed a boundary that we have set or that unrighteousness is present. It is NOT the tool we use to cause change or correct unrighteousness. Anger itself is not sin, how we resend to anger determines whether or not we sin. Responding to anger with anger to correct unrighteousness or to cause justice to prevail only produces more anger. Ephesians 4:31 tells us to get rid of all rage (thumos) and anger (orge).

Thumos-Quickly blazes then subsides. This type of anger may or may not include revenge. This type of anger is one of the “works of the flesh” (Gal. 5:20). It is a fit of rage or an outburst of anger.

Orge-Slow burning; revenge

Anger is typically a secondary emotion that is used to mask fear or hurt/pain. It is a covering that keeps us from looking at and facing the real issues. Anger keeps others at arm’s length and doesn’t allow people to get close. When we get angry we can justify blaming others and not have to look at our responsibilities. It feels protective and safe, but it doesn’t really work. Unresolved anger will find a victim, either in the angry person, others, God, or the circumstances.

Righteous Anger

God’s anger is always a response to unrighteousness. Many times we interpret God’s anger through our human understanding and tend to justify our anger because “God gets angry.” However, God’s anger responds to unrighteousness in a two-step process. He first sets consequences for unrighteousness (rebellion and disobedience in most cases) and then extends his kindness or grace to give us the opportunity to change. Throughout Scripture God established consequences for sin but gave grace and held off on the consequences in hopes that His people would change. Sometimes they did, and other times they didn’t. When they didn’t obey, he would follow through. Consequences and kindness/grace produce change. Man can use righteous anger as a springboard to correct injustice in the world. Righteous anger, used as a motivation to change things that anger God, is the right way to use anger. When expressing assertive anger, we must do so in love (Eph.4:15) and have the other person’s best interests at heart. The goal is not to get even but to correct the wrong.

Man’s anger is typically not righteous anger. Our anger is self-absorbed. Our tendency is to yield to the flesh instead of being Spirit controlled. We become angry because our rights and/or expectations have been violated, and we use anger as a tool to justify our sinful behavior.

God has said that revenge belongs to Him. (Deut. 32:35 and Romans 12:19) Isaiah 59:17 describes God and the description looks a lot like the armor of God that is given to Christians as found in Ephesians 6:14. However, there is one ingredient missing in Ephesians that is in Isaiah. It is revenge. God reserves that for Himself. He alone is the One clothed in vengeance.

How Anger Affects Us Physically

Tension from anger causes the signal in the brain to dig deeper into the brain, into the nerve cells of the hypothalamus. This activated emergency system responds by constricting the arteries carrying blood to the skin, kidneys, and intestines. The brain is also signaling the adrenal glands to pump large doses of adrenaline and cortisol into the bloodstream. Muscles tighten, heart beats faster, and blood pressure rises. Lung function is stimulated. Stomach muscles clamp down sotightly that nothing can leave the digestive tract. Because the blood is directed away from the skin, the skin feels clammy and cold. The increased heart rate pumps more blood than needed. The body is ready to fight. The fat cells released are stimulated to empty into the bloodstream for more energy. If not acted on, the liver converts the fat into cholesterol, which, over time forms plaque in the arteries and begins to block the flow of blood ultimately resulting in a heart attack if anger is allowed to continue. It is these physiological changes that give people the feeling of being overwhelmed by anger and unable to control it.

Stages of Anger (or any emotion)

  1. Life happens
  • Sometimes circumstances have spiritual implications and sometimes it’s just life.
  • There are many experiences, circumstances, and relational issues that we have no control over. However, we must ask God if there is something we are doing/not doing to continue to bring these issues upon ourselves.
  • The better question is not who caused this, but who are we listening to.
  1. Our core belief about life, ourselves, and/or God determines our response
  • Our belief is the screen/filter by which we interpret reality.
  • Anger is a product of our thought life.
  • Anger is not a response to life but a response to our belief about life.
  • The screens we use are typically developed at a very young age.
  • It is not the brain that causes the anger. The brain cannot function any other way than in the way it has been programmed by the mind. Romans 12:2 tells us to be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. It’s not the circumstances of life or other people who make us angry. It’s our perception and how we interpret events and circumstances, which is a function of our minds and how they have been programmed according to our core beliefs. Prov. 23:7-As a man thinks in his heart, so he is.
  • Many times our belief is based on what we see our rights and expectations to be.
  • Satan will try to speak to us to keep us in bondage about our beliefs about life.
  1. An emotional response is created
  • Our personality and maturity can influence our response
  • If what we believe does not conform to the truth, then what we feel does not conform to reality.
  1. There is a dispelling of that response
  • Emotions are basically chemicals produced in our bodies. If they are not dispelled, they can permanently alter the chemistry of our bodies, just as any other chemical introduced into our system can alter our internal makeup.
  • If all we do is discharge the emotional response, the filter is still there and we will still believe the lies about the circumstances of life.
  • Anger that’s acknowledged, considered, and reevaluated loses its power.
  • The emotional response can be dispelled in various ways. Only confession will begin the healing process.
  • Repress-refuse to admit what we are really feeling. Repression uses a substitute or cover instead of addressing the emotional response, i.e. Drugs or other addictions
  • Suppress-deliberately hide our emotion from others, i.e. sleep, workaholic, escape to TV. Suppression can manifest in biological or psychological problems
  • Express-outward expression..blowing up. Aggression can (but not always) be fueled by anger. Sometimes we express anger in a projected manner onto those we love the most or those who can’t fight back.
  • Confess-to God/others. James 5:16 says, Confess your sins one to another and pray for one another that you might be healed.

Controlling Others

We can’t make anyone think or act a certain way. We really can’t make anyone change. We can set circumstances in place that will make someone reconsider, but the ultimate decision must come from within that person. Unfortunately, the enemy wants us to believe that we can manipulate a person into changing. Exhibiting anger is one way that the enemy convinces us that anger can be that manipulative tool to change a person.

We all have certain expectations of others and of ourselves, with the hope that the circumstances of life will allow us to carry out our life plans. Sometimes others don’t cooperate, and circumstances aren’t always favorable. If we believe that our identity and sense of worth are dependent upon the cooperation of others and favorable circumstances, then we will likely fall into the control trap. Anger will result as we realize that the desires we have for identity and self worth are constantly being blocked because life and others are not cooperating. Scripture has many examples of anger that was expressed because of trying to control someone or something that they had no right or ability to control.

Anger in Parenting

The fruit of a parent’s anger is found in rejection. Children are the world’s best observers but the world’s worst interpreters. A continued diet of rejection (or conditional love which is the disguise for rejection) that says a child doesn’t measure up can lead to a deep-seated anger. When rejection is overt, a child easily recognizes it. However, when rejection towards a child is covert, a child (or an adult child) may not recognize that it may be the cause of his anger. Rejection can mask itself as performance-based acceptance, perfectionism, overindulgence, overprotection, comparison, ridicule, or even correction done in anger.

Passive-Aggressive Anger

Not all anger is visible even to the person who has it. The passive-aggressive person is an internalizer of their anger. They will get you in a passive way. They are sneaky or pretend they aren’t getting back at you, but they are lying! Some passive-aggressive people really don’t recognize they are passive-aggressive. The passive-aggressive person says, “I’m angry, but you’ll never know it. You’ll just pay…It’s going to cost you dearly while I smile and pretend I’m doing you a favor. I’ll show you.” The passive aggressive person thinks he is a calm person. In their anger they don’t DO something but they withhold something such as love, affection, or communication. If you are the recipient of the anger of a passive-aggressive person, you might wonder why you are feeling the things you arefeeling, because the passive-aggressive person is smiling and saying kind words. The passive-aggressive person thinks he/she is a very calm person. He/she wonders why everyone around them is angry and angry with him. It’s very freeing for the passive-aggressive person to get to the place where they can admit they are angry and then deal with the anger.

Old Anger

When we don’t address our anger it begins to fill our emotional tank. As the tank fills with old anger, there is little room for much more. When new anger surfaces, the tank spills over. Our tank is full of pain and fear. Old anger is addressed through forgiveness by a deliberate act of our will, not because we “feel” like it but because it’s the right action and it is what God has asked us to do.

Many times we hold on to old anger because we want the violator to pay and pay. We may hold on to the anger and not forgive because we are benefiting in some way. It may be that we have trouble forgiving a person because it may look like we endorse the reason for the anger, or it could also be that forgiveness is difficult because the issues that produced the anger are too painful to deal with.

New Anger

New anger needs to be addressed as it occurs. Don’t let it build. Recognize why you are experiencing this anger and act accordingly. Don’t allow someone else’s injustice to make you an angry person. Do not give the remote control of your life to someone else. Allow God to restore you.

Demonic Influence

Demons look for a way to access your life. If they see the open door as a result of unresolved anger, they will not only come in but also invite their friends and make themselves at home. If you allow that entrance, the enemy knows how to secure his place and camp there tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow…Recognize that this is a possibility. However, don’t negate your responsibilities, beliefs, and spiritual sanctification process in the area. We can’t just say, “the devil made me do it.” We must look at what God expects from us, and walk in the way of righteousness.

How to Resolve Anger

Recognize that control of circumstances and people are in God’s hands. Forgiveness and deliverance are needed to complete the healing process.

A prayer of forgiveness can include the following:

Ask God to reveal your wrong filter—your perception of reality.

Ask God to show you the root of your anger.

Ask God to help you forgive and let go.

Ask God to help you release your past so that it no longer has power in your present.

Tell God that no longer will you hold that person to account for the wrong done.

Tell God that the pain and hurt are still there. Ask Him to remove that hurt and pain that was produced as a result of the event, experience.

Ask God to break off of you anything that hinders you from receiving all that God has for you.

Ask the Father to replace light for darkness, truth for deception, healing for pain, love for anger.