Meghan Luther

WRTG 3020

Personal Essay Draft 2

June 18, 2011

Toilet Paper Soiree

“Turn your headlights off!”, my friend Nikki said excitedly to me as we drove up a narrow street to her ex-boyfriends house. The time was approximately 1:30 in the morning and the silent street made my old car extremely noticeable. We didn't care though- we had a plan. The plan was to park a few houses away, silently sneak onto Joe's (her ex-boyfriend) driveway, and mangle his house in toilet paper. Classic.

“I'm not sure about this” I said to her as we stood in the driveway, facing an intimately monstrous house. I felt really nervous, my stomach began to feel like I had just eaten worms and my heart started to race faster than normal. I could tell from the paler color of her skin that Nikki was feeling the same way.

“Fine” she said “It's too much work... let's just get his car” We spent the next 15 minutes unraveling, tearing, and throwing toilet paper all over his car. We felt proud of ourselves as we stood 10 feet away, admiring our work.

“I wish it weren't so windy out!” I stated, “It'll probably all be gone by morning.”

“Well then, I guess we better leave a parting gift” Nikki said with a mischievous grin spread across her face. Before I had a chance to say anything she darted down the driveway to the mailbox belonging to house 76 and shoved our final role of toilet paper inside. I laughed at my partner in crimes brilliant idea.

“Alright let's get our of here,” I said, and we drove away laughing and blasting music all the way home.

The next morning I'm suddenly woken up from my night's sleep by the sound of Nikki's phone ringing. She always had those annoying ringtones that she made herself- usually of the most recent emo rock song that she couldn't get enough of. Who the hell keeps calling! “Nikki! NIKKI WAKE UP you're phone keeps going off” She groggily looks at her phone and then sits up with a start.

“Shit. It's Joe... he's called me like 5 times already.” I laugh, thinking he is either calling to congratulate us on our prank or warn us because revenge is coming. Just as I am about to share my thoughts with Nikki my bedroom door is flung open and I see my mother - eyes of flaming red and I could swear, in that moment, she breathed fire.

“WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU TWO THINKING?” She screamed. “Do you realize what you've done?!” We stared at her, completely dumbfounded.

“Mom! What are you talking about?!” I knew what it was all about but I didn't understand her anger.

“You know exactly what this is about. Now get in the car, the police are already there.” Police? What is she talking about? I turn to Nikki and I can see she is having the same thought, but as soon as we make eye contact we can't control ourselves anymore. We start laughing hysterically. The angrier my mom gets, the funnier it becomes.

“You guys think this is funny? Do you know what you could be faced with vandalizing someone's property? Do you think it's funny to destroy something someone worked hard for?” For a second I actually feel a pang of guilt but it is immediately replaced with a more prominent question.

“Vandalizing? We didn't vandalize anything!” But my mom doesn't want to hear it and we are forced into the back seat of my car as she drives us to Joe's house. She pulled the car up to his house, slowly. I think she was afraid of what she was going to see once we got there. We saw a police car, some toilet paper in the yard, and a very large angry woman talking angrily to one of the police officers, using an excessive amount of finger pointing and arm flailing. I turned to Nikki who just rolls her eyes and we step out of the car.

One of the officers approached Nikki and me and asked us if we had any involvement in the incident. We told him yes and he pulls us aside to talk to us about it.

“Alright, you're in no deep shit here” he said with a slight smirk on his face. Nikki and I both smile, happy that the officer is taking it with a grain of salt. “There is one thing though, Mrs. Angry Mom over there found this roll of toilet paper in her mailbox. Are you two aware that it's a felony to open someone else's mailbox without permission?” I look at Nikki and we both shake our heads. “I convinced her not to press charges on you two as long as you clean up to car and apologize for being disrespectful.” We accepted the plea and immediately started cleaning up what remained of the toilet paper. In all of 30 seconds we had finished and proceeded with our apology. There was no sign of Joe that morning- turns out he slept through the entire thing and never even got to see our masterpiece.

A few months passed and I payed little or no regards to Joe, his mother, or the incident involving the police that morning. The day was sometime in mid October and the time on my stereo read 9:00 pm as I drove home from work. Sirens started to blare and the bright red and blue lights started shining in my eyes as a police car tails behind me. Great I hope I wasn't speeding, I thought to myself. I pulled my car over and an officer comes over to my window and asked to see my license. After handing it over to him he appeared to look it over, look at me, look it over, and then he told me he'll be right back. It must have been the longest two minutes of my life. When he returned he said sternly, “will you step out of the vehicle please.” Struck with fear- I obey and step out of the car.

“What is this all about?” I asked him, doing my best to sound as innocent as I possibly could.

“It appears that you have some outstanding charges. Have you ever been involved in any incidents involving a mailbox?” My heart began to beat out of my chest, my palms became sweaty, my mouth became dry, and my eyes must have been one squeeze away from popping out of my head.

“I... uh.. well yeah this one time..” but my thought is cut off by a loud snort followed by a fit of hysterical laughter. I had no idea what is going on and I stared at the cop, confused.

“I know... I know” he managed to gasp between spasm of laughter. “I was the officer that was there that day! Oh my God you should have seen your face!” I instantly felt my cheeks go red and I start laughing at how foolish I felt.

“Wow, you really got me!” I tell him as he hands me back my drivers license.

“I couldn't resist” he said with a smile “from one practical joker to another.” And with that, he pat me on the back and sent me on my way, telling me to be good and continue loving life. I think I can officially say that was the coolest cop, ever.