Love is More Than a Feeling
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
Intro
A young man said to his father at the breakfast table one morning, “Dad, I’m going to get married.” How do you know you’re ready to get married?” asked the father. “Are you in love?” “I sure am,” said the son. “How do you know you’re in love?” asked the father. “Well, last night as I was kissing my girl good night, her dog bit me hard and I didn’t feel the pain until I got home.”
Some of the most astute observers of what love is like - are children: One child for example said that "Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other." In our society love is often about - how each other smells; how each other looks; how each other kisses; and how we “feel” about each other.
Illustration: Andreas Bartels, a researcher at University College London used an MRI to examine 11 women and 6 men who said they were truly in love. When the subjects were shown photographs of their sweethearts, different areas of the brain scan lit up - indicating higher blood flow. These "love spots" were near but not the same as sections that become active when someone is feeling simple lust. Looking at pictures of their loved ones also reduced activity in 3 larger areas known to be active when people are upset or depressed. Love does evoke a lot of feelings. But is that all there is about love?
Feeling Love
Feeling love is OK – in fact God has apparently “hard wired” us to “feel” love.
What is interesting is that in I Corinthians 13, there is almost no discussion of love as an emotion.
Love, at its best is far more than a feeling. It’s action. It’s something you do. We read in 1 John 3:18, “Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.”
In 1 Corinthians Paul is writing to people who were selfish and doing everything possible to promote their own interests and welfare. They were not exemplifying true love. You see, the love of God is so much greater than the love the world models for us. Often the love we find in this world could best be described as desire, infatuation or lust. I would like to share with you what in essence lust is.
Lust:
- can’t wait, it’s impulsive,
- is manipulative and cruel,
- seeks more than it deserves,
- builds one’s self at another’s expense,
- is easily threatened,
- is disrespectful and thoughtless,
- is demanding and uncaring,
- is temperamental and retaliates,
- commits wrong to get its own way; and rationalizes it’s excuses,
- encourages lies and covers up misdeeds,
- only takes in order to gain its own ends;
- lacks concern and care for others,
- backs out when it is no longer convenient,
Without God in the center of our lives and marriages – this is too often what we end up with - a selfish relationship that is self-centered; self-focused; self-absorbed and self serving. That is LUST. It is absolutely contrary to true love.
BUT in 1 Corinthians 13 the Apostle Paul explains what true love looks like. He gives us principles on how to relate to others. He is not describing a natural human kind of love but that love which was defined by God’s gift of Himself in Jesus Christ.Paul is painting a portrait of love, and Jesus Christ is sitting for the portrait.In a sense this beautiful picture of love is a portrait of Christ. To follow it is to follow Christ. This love that Paul speaks of is Agape love - a love of sacrifice, of giving, of deep commitment and wanting the welfare of others. Let’s look at 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a.
1. Love practices being patient refusing to strike back
-Patience is the capacity to be wronged and not retaliate.
-Such patience is not the sign of weakness but the sign of strength. It can endure hurts, without being filled with resentment, or taking revenge.
2. Love practices kindness by giving a blessing for an insult
-It is active goodwill. It not only feels generous it is generous.
-It not only desires the other person’s welfare, but works for it.
-It reacts with goodness towards those who treat us badly.
-Beyond turning the other cheek, loving-kindness returns an insultwith a blessing.
3. Love does not envy, it is not jealous, nor covets
-An envious person says: “I want what someone else has.”
-It means to have a strong desire for something.
-When love sees someone who is popular, successful, beautiful or talented, it is glad for him or her and is never envious or jealous.
4. Love does not boast, brag, or parade itself
-Love does not parade its accomplishments.
-Bragging is the other side of jealousy.
-Jealousy is wanting what someone else has; bragging is making others jealous of what we have.
-Envy brings others down; bragging builds upour ego.
5. Love is not proud, puffed up, or arrogant
-Pride is being big headed; love is being big-hearted.
-Pride and arrogance breed contention.
-True love protects us from having an inflated view of our own self importance.
6. Love is not rude, ill-mannered, or crude
-Love makes us more tactful and polite. The loveless person is ill-mannered, and often crude.
-The principle here has to do with poor manners.
-Rudeness is when a person does not care enough for those who are around to act politely and sensitively.
7. Love is not self-seeking, nor does it insist on its own way
-Cure selfishness and you will have just replanted the garden of Eden – paradise.
-Love thinks less of its rights and more of its duties.
-Essentially the Bible calls us to put others first, above ourselves. But that is very difficult because we want to fight for our rights. “It’s not my turn to wash the dishes.” “I didn’t let the dog out.” “That’s not my mess.” May God help us to become more selfless.
8. Love is not easily angered, irritated, or lose its temper
-Love guards against being irritated or upset by things said or done.
-Love is not touchy. It does not have temper tantrums or “fly off the handle.”
-A great deal of damage can be done in a very short time when someone loses their temper. Fits of rage is very destructive.
9. Love keeps no record of wrongs, holds no resentment
-One of the great arts in life is to learn what to forget. Love does not store up the memory of the wrong it has received when the person has asked for forgiveness.
-In Christ, God forgives us for our sins so fully that He has no more record of them. The Bible tells us, “God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their sins against them” (2 Cor. 5:19).
-You destroy your relationship by keeping and dwelling on the wrongs and offenses. Resentment is careful to keep books, which it reads and rereads, hoping for a chance to get even.
-Love keeps no record of wrongs. One of the church fathers said that a wrong done against love is like a spark that falls into the sea and is quenched.
10. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth
-Love is not glad about wrongs, or rubs it in.
-It is characteristic of human nature to take pleasure in the misfortunes of others.
-Sometimes people are more anxious to hear the bad news than the good news. The mediademonstrates this truth because bad news sells more.
-One of the most common forms of delighting in evil is gossip.
-Love does not focus on the wrongs of others but it rejoices in those who tell the truth and live the truth.
11. Love always protects, supports and bears
-Love bears all things by protecting others from exposure, ridicule or harm. Even when sin is certain, love tries to correct it with the least possible hurt and harm to the person.
12. Love always trusts, believes in, never loses faith
-Even when belief in a loved one’s goodness is shattered, love still believes. As long as God’s grace is operative, human failure is not final.
13. Love always hopes and expects the best
-Love dreams with another person about what God might do in and through them. Love looks to the future with eyes of hope.
-Love expects the best for our loved one. Rather than discourage, love lifts the other’s spirit, hoping in what God has for them. It’s expecting the good not the bad.
14. Love always perseveres, and never gives up.
-Love remains true in the most adverse circumstance. It endures all things at all costs. Love never fails.Love never quits. Love refuses to take failure as final. Love holds fast to those it loves. Love will never stop loving!To sum it up it is commitment. This kind of love is committed to the individual no matter what the circumstance. Committed through the good, the bad and the ugly.
Conclusion
That’s how love looks like. It is what you do and don’t do. This is the kind of love God wants us to exemplify and live out in action. It was demonstrated supremely by Christ (John 3:16).
BUT this kind of love is very difficult for us to truly demonstrate because of our fallen human and sinful nature. Only Christ through the power of the Holy Spirit can produce this kind of love in our inner most being (Gal. 5:22). We need His strength and power to fulfill this kind of love mentioned above. We need to surrender our lives to Him and allow Him to live through us.