Lonely – Why Do I Feel So Isolated?
Lonely is a feeling that can come over us at any time. Even if we have a big family or a ton of friends, we can still find ourselves in a season of loneliness. What does it mean to be lonely?
Lonely – adjective –
1. affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome.
2. destitute of sympathetic or friendly companionship, intercourse, support, etc.: a lonely exile.
3. lone; solitary; without company; companionless.
4. remote from places of human habitation; desolate; unfrequented; bleak: a lonely road.
5. standing apart; isolated: a lonely tower.
A lonely road or a lonely tower. Those descriptions soak in to my soul. While I was going through my divorce and living on my own, when my daughter was with her father, I experienced deep loneliness. Sitting in silence of my tiny apartment during those days was excruciating. I would often go for a walk just to get out of the quiet.
Even now, when my life seems so much fuller as I am surrounded by friends and family, there are days I just feel lonely. I think I am beginning to understand just what is going on inside of me.
Once we make the decision to follow Jesus, our soul undergoes dramatic changes. The more we know about God, the more we become like His Son. As we progress down this road, we begin to see things differently. It is almost like a layer is pulled back when interacting with people and you being to see their “humanness” more readily. Most of them are interested in what they can get from you instead of what you might be needing from them.
Here is the most recent example of this from my own life. I took a year or so off Facebook. I was content with never getting back on. I see it as a huge waste of time and a place of severe narcissism. Then I felt the Lord prompting me to return. He said I could be a light in the darkness if I just let Him be my guide for every single post. I ignored Him for a few weeks but eventually gave in.
Within several weeks of being active again, I got two requests to write letters of recommendations for people I hadn’t worked with in over two years, two invites to like pages of people I hadn’t seen or talked to in two years and two invitations to buy something from someone or join their sales group and “radically change my life.” I hadn’t felt that alone in a long time.
These people meant well from a human perspective but they didn’t see how damaging this shotgun approach to friendship can be. The Holy Spirit inside of me not only reveals to me exactly what is going on, but He also woos me to love and forgive them without letting the seed of bitterness take hold. I am still working on that one!
In our fast paced, self-centered society, it is easy to overlook someone in deep need of human connection. We were designed to be in fellowship with God and family. We long for this at the core of who we are. That’s why you can have a hundred Facebook friends, a husband and three kids and still feel lonely. If everyone around you just wants to take from you, your cup gets drained.
Look at God’s promise to us in Psalm 23:
5You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
6Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever.[1]
My cup runs over. What a beautiful image of our lives when we are following the Lord. The word of “runs over” in the original language is actually one word, revayahand it meanssaturation. This word makes me think of a sponge full of water. Think of how small and light the sponge is when it is dry. Not good for much of anything except absorbing. Friends, that is what our soul looks like when we are feeling lonely. But if chose to soak up the Lord, immerse ourselves in Him rather than humans, He will fill us up, double our size, relieve us from our dry state.
This can be achieved by reading the Bible, meditating in prayer or worshiping. Maybe all three! Don’t get caught in the trap of thinking you don’t have a reason to be lonely. I believe the longer I walk with the Lord, the more my soul depends on sweet fellowship with Him alone. The more mature we become, the more time we need to spend with Him. I believe He calls me into loneliness so I can learn to wean myself from needing people to fill my cup.
Being lonely is hard. Being addicted to the feeling we get from engaging with people is a powerful force. Overcoming this emotion is key to leading in Kingdom affairs. Don’t take for granted the few good friends God placed around you to help you feel real, human connection, but be aware when the loneliness starts to creep in. Maybe God is letting you dry up on purpose so you can absorb more of Him.
[1]The New King James Version. (1982). (Ps 23:5–6). Nashville: Thomas Nelson.