“CRACKIN”
Written By: Aldonnius Carter
Aldonnius CarterRegistration #: 1453370
1757 Monday Court
Tallahassee, Florida32301
(786) 759-2115 or (850) 566-9749
or
COPYRIGHT @ 2010
EXT – HOME – DAY
LIL EDDIE (male, 8-12) runs into his home.
INT – HOME – CONTINUOUS
Lil Eddie runs into the house and up the stairs to his uncle RONNIE’S (male, 20-30) room.
Lil Eddie bursts through Ronnie’s room door.
Ronnie lay in bed with his hands in his boxers.
Lil Eddie jumps onto Ronnie’s bed; startling Ronnie awake.
Ronnie awakens with a smile on his face.
LIL EDDIE
Uncle Ronnie, Uncle Ronnie!
RONNIE
God damn Lil Eddie! You
can’t just run in a grown
man room without knocking!
What if I had a chick in here!
LIL EDDIE
Then I would have seen her
legs I the air or you doing
something like this!
Lil Eddie starts moving his hips around.
RONNIE
Ok that enough! If your
mother saw you doing that
she’ll kill you and me both!
Then she gone kick me outta
here! So stop that shit!
Anyway, why all this excite-
ment?
P. 2
LIL EDDIE
Them boys down the street
keep saying jokes about me
being short; and I’m tired
of it!
RONNIE
Eddie, Eddie, Eddie you
are only a kid; and you
are going to grow taller
one day. Maybe! I at me
I was short once upon a
time.
LIL EDDIE
Forget that! I ain’t getting
no taller and you know it!
RONNIE
Damn I was just trying to
give you a little hope!
LIL EDDIE
Hope with lies! Don’t
you know we kids today,
than you dummies were
when you were my age!
RONNIE
But still we all were little
like you.
LIL EDDIE
See you even make jokes
about my height!
RONNIE
Eddie I wasn’t making fun
P. 3
RONNIE (CONT’D)
of your height. You just
a little fellow, with little
man disease.
LIL EDDIE
Funny Uncle Ronnie! I’m
tired of being picked on!
RONNIE
What do you want me to
do?
LIL EDDIE
I want you to go down
there and crack on the
kids that crack on me!
RONNIE
I’m going down there
but I’m not going to
crack on a lil kid!
EXT – YARD – MOMENT’S LATER
Five kids stand in yard licking on frozen cups or popsicles.
Ronnie and Lil Eddie nears the five kids.
RONNIE
Which one of you was
making fun of you?
LIL EDDIE
The big one there!
Lil Eddie points out BILLY (male, 8-12) the bully.
P. 4
RONNIE
How you fellows doing
today?
BILLY
What do you want fucker!
The four other kids laugh.
RONNIE
What!
BILLY
You heard me! I said
what do you want fucker!
You can’t hear, you retarded
or something!
The kids laugh once more.
RONNIE
You need to apologize to
my nephew!
BILLY
Fuck you and your tiny
ass nephew!
RONNIE
Does your mother know
you have a foul mouth
like this!
BILLY
I ain’t got no mama; but
my daddy will beat your
ass!
P. 5
RONNIE
I’m not going to stand
here and let an ignorant
lil brat like you insult me
and my nephew!
BILLY
Then what your long head
ass gone do about it!
RONNIE
Long head ass! You fat ass
bastard! I see why you
don’t have a mama; with a
face like that, I would have
run out on you fat boy in
the hospital. I’ll hate to
see your daddy, I bet he’s
a fat ugly motherfucker too!
The four kids say damn…all at once.
Billy yells out for his daddy.
BILLY
Daddy!!!
EXT – HOME – CONTINUOUS
BILLY’S DADDY (male, 30-40) exits his home.
BILLY’S DADDY
What is it boy!
LIL EDDIE
Damn he’s a fat ass!
P. 6
RONNIE
Come on, let’s haul ass!
Ronnie and Lil Eddie high tail it back down the street to their house.
INT – HOME – MOMENT’S LATER
Ronnie’s sister and Lil Eddie’s mother SHARON(female, 30-40) enters the home from work.
SHARON
I’m home…
Lil runs into the living room and greets his mother.
LIL EDDIE
Mama you should have been
there today!
SHARON
And where should I have
been today so exciting
Eddie?
LIL EDDIE
You know the fat kid Billy?
SHARON
That’s not nice Eddie; but
Billy the bully?
EDDIE
Yes, fat boy!
SHARON
Eddie I have told you about
talking about people!
P. 7
LIL EDDIE
Uncle Ronnie told him
off today!
SHARON
He did, did he!
LIL EDDIE
He sure did; and I bet Billy
won’t make fun of my
height ever again!
SHARON
And what did your Uncle
Ronnie do?
LIL EDDIE
Uncle Ronnie cracked on
his ass so bad, he called
his daddy to get us!
SHARON
Eddie what have I told
you about using such
foul language!
LIL EDDIE
It slipped mom!
SHARON
Where is your Uncle Ronnie?
LIL EDDIE
Up stairs in his room, hiding
in the closet.
SHARON
Hiding in the closet!
P. 8
LIL EDDIE
Yeah we both were hiding
in the closet from Billy’s
fat ass daddy!
SHARON
Eddie you itching to get
your ass whipped!
INT – ROOM – MOMENT’S LATER
Sharon enters Ronnie’s room.
Sharon opens Ronnie’s closet door.
Ronnie stands in the closet with toy bat in his hand.
SHARON
What are you going to
do with that bat?
RONNIE
Just protecting Lil Eddie!
SHARON
Come out of there! You
don’t have to worry about
Billy’s father!
RONNIE
You sure, cause that’s a real
big’on! He spread out every-
where you know!
INT – ROOM – MOMENT’S LATER
Lil Eddie sits in his room playing XBOX 360.
INT- DINING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
P. 9
Sharon and Ronnie sit at table.
SHARON
I thought you promised
me that you would start
any trouble?
RONNIE
I did, but that lil big fat
chicken mcnugget pulled
it out of me! He had it
coming!
SHARON
Billy is only a kid Ronnie.
RONNIE
I know, but the moment
I went down there, the
fat sucka said “what you
want fucker”; and he just
kept going! The moment
just got the best of me
sis.
SHARON
Your mouth has had us
run out of neighborhoods
in the past; and I like my
home here Ronnie! So no
more cracking on kids!
RONNIE
I promise I will not crack
on any more fat kids!
SHARON
No cracking on anyone; and
P. 10
SHARON (CONT’D)
when are you going to go
looking for a job?
RONNIE
The first Tuesday in this
month.
SHARON
That was yesterday.
RONNIE
Well I’m going to go looking
the first Tuesday of next
month.
SHARON
No you’re going to go
looking the first Thursday
of this month, which is
tomorrow!
RONNIE
Otay…
EXT – STREET – DAY
Ronnie see’s hiring sign on store window.
Ronnie enters the store.
INT – STORE – CONTINUOUS
STORE MANAGER (Asian female, 50-60) stocks the shelf behind the register.
STORE MANAGER
How can I help you; and
keep your hands where I
can see them!
P. 11
RONNIE
I saw the sign out front
that you are hiring for
stock help.
STORE MANAGER
You read wrong! We no
hire!
STORE MANAGER
I tell you, we no hire!
RONNIE
You do see that sign
right there!
The store manager walks from behind the counter, passes Ronnie and pulls the sign from out of the window.
Store Manager then walks up to Ronnie.
STORE MANAGER
You talk about this sign?
RONNIE
Yeah, that sign!
Store manager rips up the sign right in front of Ronnie.
STORE MANAGER
I tell you once before we
no hire, but I will pay you
50 cent to clean up this
mess!
RONNIE
Do I really look like a
janitor to you!
P. 12
The store manager pulls out Colt .45
STORE MANAGER
You be a dead janitor,
if you don’t make your
way out of my store!
RONNIE
I wanna talk to your manager!
STORE MANAGER
You talk to store manager
right here and I have itchy
trigger finger!
RONNIE
Say no more!
EXT – STORE – CONTINUOUS
Ronnie exits the store.
INT – STORE – CONTINUOUS
Store manager puts another hiring sign in the window.
EXT – STORE – CONTINUOUS
Ronnie watches as the store manager put new sign in the window.
RONNIE
And fuck you too!
Store manager runs out of the store with her gun in hand.
RONNIE
Oh shit!
P. 13
The store manager shoots at Ronnie as he runs off down the street.
STORE MANAGER
Your mama was the one
fucked! Ugly son of bitch!
INT – RESTAURANT – MOMENT’S LATER
Ronnie sits at table inside restaurant.
BIG BILL (male, 40-50) walks over to Ronnie’s table and gives Ronnie greasy application or yellow piece of paper.
Big Bill spits wad of tobacco into cup and then Big Bill coughs.
BIG BILL
Here go ma application.
I know it ain’t your
standard application, but
it works for Big Bill. Now
you gone fill out everything
and then ole Big Bill will
give you a grand tour of my
fine establishment.
BUM (male, 60-70) enters the restaurant.
BIG BILL
God dammit! Haven’t I
told you to never come in
here through the front
door! Bringing your dirty
ass in here when customers
eating!
BUM
But no one is eating!
BIG BILL
I see that, but can’t you
P. 14
BIG BILL (CONT’D)
see I’m conducting an
interview! Now back your
stank ass on up outta here!
BUM
Fuck you!
The bum exits the restaurant.
BIG BILL
Sorry about that son!
RONNIE
It’s ok.
BIG BILL
I don’t know what’s with
these damn bums now’a’days!
When you feed’um once, they
keep coming back like stray
ass alley cats! Anyway fill that
on out and then your tour.
INT – RESTAURANT – MOMENT’S LATER
Big Bill takes Ronnie on tour of the restaurant kitchen.
BIG BILL
In here is where I prepare
all my fine gourmet dishes
you have seen on the menu.
RONNIE
You only had three things
on the menu.
P. 15
BIG BILL
I know that! You didn’t
have to remind me, I made
the motherfucker!
RONNIE
I was just saying.
BIG BILL
Well don’t say!
RONNIE
What is that smell?
BIG BILL
Some new shit I’m gone
add to my three item
menu! Then there will
be four.
RONNIE
What is it? It smells like
shit!
BIG BILL
Here take a look.
Big Bill removes the lid to big pot.
RONNIE
I don’t see anything but
brown juice.
BIG BILL
It needs just a lil more
flavoring.
Big Bill spits wad of tobacco into the pot.
P. 16
RONNIE
That’s gross!
BIG BILL
It may seem gross to you;
but my customers gone
love it. Stir it up a lil bit
it won’t bite you.
Big Bill gives Ronnie ladle.
RONNIE
You sure it won’t bite? It
sure is stank!
BIG BILL
Gone stir it up, before the
Spices seep out into the air.
Ronnie stirs up the contents in the pot.
Big opossum head pops out from under the juices.
EXT – RESTAURANT – CONTINUOUS
Ronnie runs out of the restaurant screaming.
BIG BILL
I was gone hire him. I
guess he don’t want the
job.
INT – STRIP CLUB – MOMENT’S LATER
Ronnie sit’s in the office of MIKE CASH (male, 40-50) owner of Look but don’t touch strip club.
MIKE
Son today is your lucky
day! You walked in
P. 17
MIKE (CONT’D)
here at the right time!
RONNIE
I wouldn’t say today was
a lucky day for me! I’ve
been shot at and I saw
the most disgusting sight
you could imagine!
MIKE
All that is behind you!
When you walked in
“Look but don’t touch”,
you walked right into a
job!
RONNIE
What will I be doing?
MIKE
You will be doing everything
around here. You are going
to be my all around, all
purpose; you will be the man!
My new head custodian!
RONNIE
A janitor!
MIKE
You know how to sweep,
mop, and take out trash
don’t you?
RONNIE
Yeah but!
P. 18
MIKE
No buts, you have the job.
You will start tomorrow
night.
RONNIE
That’s rather fast!
MIKE
It’s Friday night and Friday’s
mean money! My name isn’t
Mike Cash for no reason!
Come here around eight
tomorrow night. You will
meet the rest of my staff then.
RONNIE
But…
MIKE
Here you go with those buts
again! Run along I have some
paper work to do.
EXT – CLUB – CONTINUOUS
Mike ushers Ronnie out the side door of the club.
MIKE
Eight sharp tomorrow.
RONNIE
But!
Mike closes the door in Ronnie’s face.
RONNIE
But I didn’t fill out an
P. 19
RONNIE (CONT’D)
application!
INT – ROOM – NIGHT
Lil Eddie stops Ronnie in the hallway.
LIL EDDIE
Uncle Ronnie you wanna
play the XBOX? I have the
new “Splinter Cell” game.
RONNIE
Not tonight Lil Eddie.
LIL EDDIE
You got a date with a girl?
RONNIE
Nope, I have a job and I
am going to work.
LIL EDDIE
You got a job!
RONNIE
That I do.
LIL EDDIE
Where at?
RONNIE
At this club called “Look
but don’t Touch”.
LIL EDDIE
What are you going to be
doing there?
P. 20
RONNIE
I am going to be…I am the
DJ. I gotta run and you
better not say anything to
your mother yet! I might
not like this job!
LIL EDDIE
My lips are sealed!
RONNIE
And put the top lock on
the door.
Ronnie exits the home.
Lil Eddie locks the front door.
Lil Eddie then runs into the kitchen.
INT – KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS
Lil Eddie grabs phone book out from drawer.
Lil Eddie sits on the floor and flips through the phone book.
Lil Eddie’s eyes widen.
LIL EDDIE
Ooh!!!
EXT – STREET – NIGHT
Ronnie walks to work.
RONNIE
Good thing this gig is
close to my house!
EXT – HOME – CONTINUOUS
P. 21
Sharon knocks on the front door.
INT – HOME – CONTINUOUS
Lil Eddie runs to open the front door for his mother.
EXT – CLUB – CONTINUOUS
Ronnie knocks on the side door of the club.
INT – HOME – CONTINUOUS
Sharon enters the home.
SHARON
Where is your uncle Ronnie?
LIL EDDIE
He’s gone Djing at the naked
lady club!
SHARON
He what?
EXT – CLUB – CONTINUOUS
Big titty LIZA (female 20-30) opens the side door of he club.
Ronnie eyes widen.
LIZA
Can I help you?
RONNIE
I am here for work, to
work, will work! I mean
Mr. Cash is expecting me!
P. 22
LIZA
You must be the new
janitor. Come on in
suga, the air out here
makes my nipples sing.
RONNIE
Tra la la…
INT – CLUB – CONTINUOUS
Ronnie follows Liza inside the club.
INT – OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
Liza and Ronnie enter Mike’s office.
LIZA
Sit right here suga and
Mike will be here shortly.
Liza exits the office.
RONNIE
Something freaky is going
on here!
Mike enters the office.
MIKE
I see you made it kid! You
don’t mind me calling you
kid do you?
RONNIE
It’s cool and who was that
chick?
P. 23
MIKE
That’s Liza, just one of my
many dancers. You are
going to meet the other
girls but first I want you
to go wipe down all the
tables.
RONNIE
Where are the rags and
all the cleaning stuff?
MIKE
Everything you will ever
need is right here in this
closet. This closet belongs
only to you kid. Mop, bucket,
broom, dust pan, rags, and
cleaning chemicals. This
closet is a janitors Heaven!
RONNIE
How much are you going
to pay me?
MIKE
I’m going to pay you more
than I would pay a cheap
Mexican peon! One very
important thing; you can
look at the girls but you
can’t touch them. You got
that?
RONNIE
I got it! I can look but I
can’t touch the girls.
P. 24
MIKE
You learn fast, now I need
you to get to cleaning!
INT – CLUB – MOMENT’S LATER
KITTY (female, 20’s) the dancer slides up and down pole on the dance stage.
Ronnie with broom in hand gawks at Kitty.
Mike walks up to Ronnie.
MIKE
I see you getting your
peek on!
RONNIE
Damn you got some bad
ass chicks in here! I never
knew this was a strip joint!
MIKE