> Jerry: This is counseling session number 13 with Stan, and the very first session was intake. This very last session will be an evaluation and a termination session, and we're not going to be using a particular theory. We've already demonstrated 11 different theories, but I'm going to be more influenced by my own particular theory, which is integrative, and I really want to encourage you to look at the last chapter in "Theory and Practice of Counseling and Psychotherapy," which is entitled "Case Illustration of Stan," and the whole chapter is on Stan and counseling Stan from an integrative perspective. So, and one part of that chapter deals with termination. So that's the part you're going to be seeing here, Stan looking at what it's like for him to end his sessions and where he'll go from here. Well Stan, this is our thirteenth session, and, you know, a couple of weeks ago, you brought up the matter of maybe you're ready to go it on your own, that you've gotten some things here and you want to see what you can do out there. So we did some talk last week about endings and where you're going to go from here. I wonder what it was like when you came here today. What were you thinking or feeling?
> Stan: It's hard to believe we're at the end. Kind of apprehensive, I think, a little bit, I think a mixture of feelings, kind of apprehensive to be ending but also kind of feeling good about ending as well. I'm ready, ready to move forward, but then feeling apprehensive like, "What am I doing to do now?" I mean we've been meeting every week, and it's been an important thing for me
> Jerry: Yeah, so that's what I want to talk about today. I want to review a lot of our learnings and really try to integrate them and try to help get a clearer picture of where you want to go from here and how you can continue the momentum that was started here. You said there's some apprehension in thinking about doing it on your own. What's the apprehension about?
> Stan: That I might step back into old ways, that maybe I'm not ready really to do it on my own. I kind of...same kind of apprehension I had when I first came here, kind of like the apprehension of, "Yes, I think I want to change, but I don't know how," that kind of a feeling, and it's kind of the same now as I want to move on on my own and yet I'm still not sure if I can do it.
> Jerry: Yeah. Well, how would you answer that, "I'm still not sure I can do it?"
> Stan: I don't know. I won't know until I try it.
> Jerry: How do you answer that question? You won't know...
> Stan: Well I guess I... The only thing to do is just go out there and give it a whirl.
> Jerry: Right. Yeah. Well I want to talk about that, too, about if you experience any challenges or barriers, what we can do.
> Stan: That would be good.
> Jerry: Yeah, for sure. You said last week that you had spent some time thinking about what you've learned about yourself, gains that you'd made in here. What were some of the things you came up with when you were thinking about it and writing about it in your journal?
> Stan: I think the most important thing that I learned was about not being, not allowing myself to get paralyzed by being afraid, that it's, ok, it's ok for me to be nervous, and that I can...the nervousness doesn't have to stop me, that I can move through it. I can do something even though I am nervous. I think I learned that by doing some of the things that you asked me to do here. I would get nervous and not want to do it, but then you would encourage me to do it anyway, and it would turn out ok.
> Jerry: So that's a belief you had.
> Stan: Right.
> Jerry: My nervousness would freeze me, but when you actually tried things, you learned you could challenge...
> Stan: Yeah.
> Jerry: ...what you were doing.
> Stan: Well, I learned how to just kind of distinguish what I think is real and kind of actual what may be real. Does that make sense?
> Jerry: Yeah, it makes sense.
> Stan: Like my anxiety I thought was real, that was what was really happening when really it was just my anxiety about what was happening.
> Jerry: Yeah. So were there any other beliefs that changed for you?
> Stan: Well some of the more basic ones, I think, are starting to change. I mean the ones that we talked about as far as, as far as my being, thinking that I'm never going to be able to to amount to anything or I'm never going to be able to do it right. I think I'm able to challenge that one more, more frequently.
> Jerry: Yeah. I've certainly seen that in here, that you've challenged a lot of those beliefs, that you haven't given in, particularly in the last few weeks when you really get with that belief about, "Well, I can't do it. I'll never be any different." You've really disputed that, so I've seen a lot of change in that direction. A lot of this is interrelated. You said the way you changed some of your beliefs is by what you did. You went ahead and did some things.
> Stan: Right.
> Jerry: Tried a lot of homework outside of the sessions. Can you think of a few things that you did that you like, behavior changes you made?
> Stan: Well, I've certainly started to play basketball again has been a really great thing for me.
> Jerry: Ok.
> Stan: Having a lot more fun by doing that.
> Jerry: So those are changes in behavior.
> Stan: Right. Right.
> Jerry: And just talking about running from an activity, you actually did it.
> Stan: Right, actually doing it.
> Jerry: Well, you know you've talked a lot about some of your beliefs that have been modified, and I hope you can see that there's a lot of integration here, that if you change a belief that some of your behaviors change, and some of the ways you change your beliefs were by changing some of the things you were doing, you know. Like can you think of a few things you did that were different in here?
> Stan: Well, certainly joining the basketball league was a big deal. I hadn't really thought about doing that. It was something I just thought was over in my life and actually starting to do that again has really kind of turned things around more than I thought it would. I was really surprised. I thought that was kind of a minor kind of a thing that wouldn't make that big of a difference, and yet it, you know, it has.
> Jerry: Yeah. Any other behaviors?
> Stan: I think most certainly more rounded in the classroom. I think I'm engaging more, asking more questions, being able to, you know, be more assertive, I think.
> Jerry: And can you take credit for those changes?
> Stan: Well, [laughter] maybe. I mean, I think you had a lot to do with it, but I'm... I know I'm the one who is doing it, but I think you made a big difference.
> Jerry: Well, maybe, what part of me made the difference? How did I help in that, if I did?
> Stan: I think putting up with me, [laughter] and I know that sounds kind of like I'm putting myself down, but really I have never had anybody that I felt would sit and listen to all the stuff that I had kind of dump out there. So, kind of being able to tolerate that I think made a big difference.
> Jerry: Yeah. But, again, I hope you can see that you did it. I think it's really important you can acknowledge and take credit, you know, even though I challenged you, you accepted the challenge.
> Stan: Yeah. I think so. Yeah. I mean, I was the one that had to ask the woman out on the date and go on the date.
> Jerry: You're the one that had to approach professors. You're the one... You had to decide on homework and carrying it forth. So I hope you can appreciate that and remember that because once you leave here, it'll be helpful if you can think of, "What did I do to make the changes happen in me?" See, because you're the prime mover, I think. How about emotional changes? You know, we've talked about behavior changes, belief changes. How about any changes in your feelings or moods?
> Stan: That's...I think that's coming along. I have... I mean I still notice that I get down sometimes and that I can kind of slip back into that kind of helpless, hopeless kind of a feeling, but I also notice that they last...they don't last as long. I'm able to kind of see when it's happening, and instead of just, I don't know, wallowing in it, I'm able to more do something about it or I usually will wind up doing something like getting up and getting out of the house or doing something like that, more able to recognize, at least to recognize that I'm doing something to contribute to that.
> Jerry: And that, I think, is powerful. I think that's very powerful. You can recognize when you're feeling in a certain way that you'd like to change that, you know, that you're not wedded to a feeling that you don't want.
> Stan: Sometimes it's not so easy, but I've...I don't know. I feel better that I'm moving in that direction still.
> Jerry: Yeah. Yeah. Well I want to look a little bit at, you know, where you might go from here. As I see therapy, it's kind of a dress rehearsal for living, and if all we did was in here and you made these changes and didn't continue moving forward, I'd kind of wonder did we do the best work we could be doing. So do you have... We talked about that some last week, too, if you remember, about how you want to change your life, but can you think of any ways...if we were to meet one year hence, what you'd want to say to me about how you're different this year?
> Stan: A year from now?
> Jerry: A year from now.
> Stan: Yeah. I mean... I think a year from now I'll be able to tell you that I am almost graduating from school, very close. I think I'll be in better shape and much more established, playing basketball in a league and doing more things with those people, and maybe I'll have a girlfriend. I don't know.
> Jerry: Yeah. So I think it would help to keep a time period, 6 months, a year and also get a clearer handle on what it is you might want to be doing.
> Stan: You know, the other thing I just thought about, I think also in a year I think I will have had some sort of closing with my ex-wife, and I... Yeah, that's important to me. I think that that would be a big milestone for me, if in a year I was able to come back and tell you, "Yeah, I was able to really have a heart-to-heart with my ex-wife and we're on good terms now."
> Jerry: What about your parents? You've talked a lot about mother, father, brother, sister.
> Stan: I had a feeling you were going to ask about them.
> Jerry: Well, it came up in one of the other sessions about actually having a session with your family. Do you think that's in the future for you? Do you want to arrange, at least try to arrange, a session with your parents?
> Stan: That's a tough one. I, you know, I might be able to...I think I could talk with my sister and maybe with my mother. I think they might be open to that sort of a thing, but, I don't know, my brother and dad are kind of, kind of tough nuts to crack, so I...I'm still kind of uncertain about that.
> Jerry: So arranging for a family therapy session isn't something that's immediate.
> Stan: You're right. I'm a little apprehensive, and I could see the benefit of it for sure, but I just don't know. Realistically, I don't know.
> Jerry: Yeah, well, we've done a lot in 13 sessions, and I'm not expecting everything to be finished. Later on, you may want to continue work with another person perhaps and do further work. So, you know, everything doesn't have to be finished, but, you know, Thanksgiving is coming up, and...
> Stan: Yes it is.
> Jerry: ...you said you go to family gatherings every so often. What I heard you say is, "I get stuck back in old ruts.
> Stan: Yeah.
> Jerry: So, when this happens, can you see any way that you might be different even though brother and sister and mother and dad might be pretty much the same?
> Stan: I think it won't be easy, but I think that if I can find a way to find a little bit of my own space while I'm there to kind of step into, if it just means if somebody says something or does something, I can find a way to kind of step outside or go someplace to regroup, and kind of, then I can be back there with them in a way that I want to be.
> Jerry: Yeah, I like that...regrouping, kind of pulling back from familiar scenarios that are going to happen and not get sucked up into the typical patterns.
> Stan: You might get a call out for Thanksgiving though [laughter].
> Jerry: That'd be ok.
> Stan: Just to kind of talk about, like talk through what that was like.
> Jerry: Yeah, I'd like that. I hope you'd feel willing to do that. That would be a good way to touch base, and, you know, I hope you remember that I don't know if they'll change necessarily, like your father may still make jokes and cracks at you.
> Stan: Of course.
> Jerry: But I hope you could respond differently just as an experiment to see where that might go.
> Stan: Maybe not get so defensive or...
> Jerry: Right. You know, we're kind of talking about something else that I think is important, to look at what kinds of obstacles you might predict and what ways you might struggle once you leave here in terms of, you know, what are you going to have to particularly be watchful of, and maybe knowing yourself as you do, what do you anticipate are going to be some of the stumbling blocks for you?
> Stan: I think...I think the biggest thing that I'm afraid of, of kind of pushing me back to where I was was, is maybe starting to date somebody and then if they were to leave me or something like that. I think that, that would be a difficult thing for me to deal with, and I think it's something that I would really have a hard time with.