> Jerry: This section deals with solution focused brief therapy, and here you'll see us looking at creative solutions to Stan's problem. I want you to assume you've had one or two sessions already, and in the past Stan wanted to talk about his problems, and I quickly said, "You know, Stan, in this approach we won't be talking about problems as much as solutions." So he's coming in now talking about some other ways of viewing his life.
> Stan: I don't know, Jerry, just seems like I'm always hopeless or anxious or down on myself. I just really... I don't know. It just gets really hard to put up with.
> Jerry: It gets hard to put up with.
> Stan: Yeah, well me, I mean, my hopelessness. It's just there all the time. I just...
> Jerry: You say, "I'm always hopeless."
> Stan: You know it just feels that way. Yeah.
> Jerry: Any exceptions to that? Any times that that hasn't happened, you haven't felt hopeless? Even one time?
> Stan: Ok, one time I didn't feel hopeless.
> Jerry: Ok.
> Stan: I was sitting at a table in the, just like a cafeteria area at school, and I was eating, and somebody from class came by and asked me if they could sit with me and eat lunch, and we sat there, and we ate lunch together, and we talked, and it was good. I didn't feel down or hopeless or anxious or anything. It just... I felt like a normal person.
> Jerry: So there was at least one exception...
> Stan: Right.
> Jerry: To hopelessness.
> Stan: Yeah.
> Jerry: And what did you do different in that particular time?
> Stan: Well, I actually said yes when the person said that they, you know, could they have lunch, could they sit with me. I wasn't thinking about so much stuff while we were talking. We were just kind of...it was relaxed, and it didn't... Like I say, I didn't think too much about it.
> Jerry: So it kind of caught you by surprise.
> Stan: Right. Yeah.
> Jerry: Actually saying, "Can I join you?"
> Stan: Yeah. So I didn't get all tied up. I just felt more like more of who I want to be.
> Jerry: Yeah. So maybe there's something to be learned from that. Maybe you can do something different and initiate something rather than waiting for somebody to join you at a table, you could actually go up to somebody and say, "Do you mind if I join you?" Could you imagine yourself doing that?
> Stan: I could imagine myself trying to do that and then getting kind of shut down by anxiety, wondering what would happen, and maybe chickening out, I mean to be totally honest. It's kind of what I could see myself doing.
> Jerry: Right. So oftentimes anxiety gets the best of you.
> Stan: Right.
> Jerry: And can you think of another time when anxiety didn't get the upper hand?
> Stan: Well, there was...there was a time, I think towards the beginning of the year when I asked a woman out in my class. I mean, I asked, I was able...I was anxious, I was worried about it, and I asked her out anyway. Of course the date didn't work out so good, but I still asked her out even though I was anxious.
> Jerry: Yeah. So, again, there's a theme here. You did something reactive. You did some...
> Stan: Well I knew I was going to be anxious. I think that was the difference because I kind of could anticipate, ok this is going to be...I'm going to have some anxiety here, but I'm going to go ahead and...like I knew I was going to be anxious, so I was able to kind of push through it.
> Jerry: Right.
> Stan: I think there are some times when I don't even know that I'm anxious. I just get paralyzed.
> Jerry: Yeah. Yeah. So maybe think more about throughout the week about exceptions to when you're feeling hopeless and anxious and you don't like yourself because I'm really believing maybe there are a lot more resources within you than you've allowed yourself to see even up to this point.
> Stan: Ok. Maybe. Yeah.
> Jerry: Ok.
> Stan: I'm sure there are times I just don't even know that I'm not feeling hopeless or anxious.
> Jerry: Yeah. Well let me ask you to do another thing here.
> Stan: Ok.
> Jerry: Supposing you went to sleep at night and, you know, you slept pretty well and you wake up tomorrow and the problems that you have, that you talked about, anxiety and hopelessness, somehow were gone, just removed from your life.
> Stan: Ok.
> Jerry: What would that be like for you?
> Stan: I don't even know if I could not possibly imagine it. It would be...
> Jerry: Try to imagine all of a sudden now, hopelessness is no longer a part of your life, anxiety is pretty much gone.
> Stan: I would certainly be having a lot more fun.
> Jerry: Ok.
> Stan: I would be doing...I think I would be, you know, playing basketball in a league. I would be easily, you know...in class, in class I would be asking questions and engaged and not worried about what the teacher thought of me and not being concerned about how I'm going to do on the tests or anything like that. Certainly be dating somebody.
> Jerry: So you'd be out there making connections, you'd be having fun, you'd be enjoying yourself, have friends.
> Stan: Right.
> Jerry: I wonder if you believe in miracles.
> Stan: Hasn't been really a big part of my belief system at all. I went to...my mom had me go to church when I was younger, but I really felt like it was more her pushing than my wanting it.
> Jerry: Something she wanted, but not something you wanted.
> Stan: Yeah.
> Jerry: So, in that sense, miracles aren't a big part of your life, huh? You know, I would hope you kind of think that maybe you can make miracles happen in your life. Like would it be a miracle if you walk around with a constant gloom, and...
> Stan: [Laughter] It would feel like one. Yeah.
> Jerry: And I wonder, can you see anything you can do to make small miracles happen? We're just going for little teeny steps here.
> Stan: Right. You know, I'm thinking about something that I'm already doing actually. There's a study...people in my class who were getting a study group together, and they hadn't asked me to join, but I asked them if I could join the study group to kind of, to be with them while we were all studying, and I was hoping that maybe I cold make some friends out of it. We haven't even had our first meting yet, but I still, I kind of, I don't know maybe feel that something might happen out of that, like maybe that's a step.
> Jerry: Yeah. Could that be a little teeny, teeny step towards a miracle?
> Stan: Yeah.
> Jerry: A change.
> Stan: Yeah. It certainly feels different than how I have been. I mean, but I...the thing is I have these small little steps, and then I just, you know, sometimes there's this big thing of hopelessness at the same time.
> Jerry: Yeah, and I think the key thing is you hang in there, and do it even though hopelessness may come over.
> Stan: Right.
> Jerry: Just kind of remember what it's like if you were to approach instead of standing back and...
> Stan: Yeah.
> Jerry: ....saying I can't approach.
> Stan: So don't get paralyzed.
> Jerry: Yeah, and when you recognize you are paralyzed, maybe there's something you might do a little bit different. At least like stay there a little bit longer and don't retreat.
> Stan: Right. Well I think, yeah, I think that's a good point. What I do is I get caught up in it, and I don't kind of step back and take just a step back and maybe take a breath and look at what it is that's stopping me because sometimes it feels like, it's the situation that's stopping me instead of maybe my anxiety about the situation.
> Jerry: Yeah. You know there are so many things that you get close to and then you back away from.
> Stan: Yeah.
> Jerry: And I'm hoping you can see that it would be big steps to not back away from things you want. Like you say, you'd like to join a study group. You'd like to talk to some of your fellow students before and after class. You'd just like to be a little more friendly, but you stop yourself, and say, "Oh, who would want to do anything with me? It's hopeless. I'll never change," and that kind of stuff you can recognize and maybe do something a little bit different, even if you feel hopeless. Go ahead. You know...
> Stan: What's the difference?
> Jerry: Yeah, and take those small steps just to see what happens as an experiment.
> Stan: So just do a little thing.
> Jerry: Yeah because I think small steps lead to larger increments.
> Stan: Makes sense. That makes sense.
> Jerry: Particularly if you're moving in the direction you want to move in. You know we're moving to an end to this particular session, but I would like to find out when you first came in here, you were talking about feeling anxious and low self esteem you called it. I don't like myself very much. I never like myself, and I'm down a lot. I wonder if you'd take any one of these, like you've been talking about hopelessness, in here.
> Stan: That's a big one.
> Jerry: Yeah, well ok, let's look at hope scale. When you first started off a few weeks ago, where were you on a scale of 0 to 10, you know?
> Stan: On hopelessness?
> Jerry: Yeah, 0 being utterly hopeless, 10 being utterly full of hope.
> Stan: Ok, starting off, when we first came?
> Jerry: Yeah.
> Stan: Zero.
> Jerry: A zero?
> Stan: Yeah, I would think.
> Jerry: That's really low.
> Stan: Maybe .5.
> Jerry: .5?
> Stan: Yeah.
> Jerry: Ok. So it's pretty low down there.
> Stan: Yeah.
> Jerry: And how about right now, today?
> Stan: It certainly has jumped up today, I think, probably a good 3 and a half, 4.
> Jerry: Four?
> Stan: ...today after just this conversation.
> Jerry: And did you see anything that you did to move from 0 to 4? What did you do? I want you to take credit for your steps.
> Stan: Well, talking about, I mean, talking about the hopelessness, kind of challenging it I think helps, but the other part is I kind of recognize that things that I'm already doing to fight it, but I didn't realize that I was doing. So like, you know, trying to join the study group is a big one. Even before, asking the person out from in my class, you know, if she wanted to go on a date, even though it didn't work out , but, still, I think those things, kind of challenging my timidness maybe, recognizing that I'm already doing some things helps.
> Jerry: Yeah. So just the recognition that you have a little more control helps and that you can take a step to kind of increase your control. Yeah, and what could you do to move from a 4 to, let's say, a 4 and a half? Just inch up ever so slowly. Anything else you could continue doing?
> Stan: Well, maybe even if I was just able to know when anxiety was getting the best of me versus thinking that it was just something happening in the situation, if I could just be able to tell myself, "Ok, this is just my anxiety," then I think that would, that would move my helpfulness up.
> Jerry: So recognizing.
> Stan: Yeah, I think I could do that, maybe just step back and take a breath whenever I feel that urge to kind of move away or just stop myself.
> Jerry: So kind of monitoring.
> Stan: Yeah, yeah. That's a good way of putting it.
> Jerry: Ok, and is there any other one thing you could do to kind of move up the scale from a 4 to a 5, let's say. By even next week...
> Stan: Well, I'm going to be going to this study group meeting...
> Jerry: Ok.
> Stan: ...and I think if I'm there and I feel myself wanting to kind of hide or pull away, kind of pushing myself to say something...yeah.
> Jerry: Good, so that's a positive direction of something else you could do. How was today's session? I want to check that out, from your perspective.
> Stan: It was good. I certainly felt really hopeless coming in and frustrated. I think asking when, when I'm not feeling that way kind of helps me to see what I can do.
> Jerry: Yeah.
> Stan: So... Yeah, I feel good about the way today went.
> Jerry: And even miracles...it's helpful to kind of think about what kind of miracle would I like to have happen. I think a big part of change is just having a vision and seeing how you'd like to be different than you are, and then you can, once you have a clear picture of what you want different in your life, you're more able to move in that direction. In solution focused brief therapy, we're very interested in a, brevity, short term work and we're also interested in having clients take short steps that lead to bigger changes. That's why I kept asking Stan to think about what small steps he could take that would over him in the direction that he said that he wanted to go in. There were 3 techniques that you saw in this session. One were the exception questions. When Stan says, "I'm totally hopeless, and nothing will ever change," the exception question I'm asking him to think of at least one time that he didn't feel hopeless in his life, and he'll probably be able to come with more than one time, but what I'm hoping he'll see there is something he did to make the outcome different than just simply hopelessness. The second technique is the miracle question, and you can phrase it in a lot of different ways, but I basically said, "Imagine you go to sleep tonight, you wake up tomorrow morning, and whatever problem you have, a miracle happened, and it's gone. How would your life be different, you see?" And, again, what's behind this technique is to get Stan to just think about a life and a vision without a dominating problem, in this case, hopelessness or anxiety, on-going anxiety, and I think that's very important just to see that, you know, maybe there's something I can do to move in the direction of feeling more hopeful. And the third technique, scaling question. That's an important one because I'm asking him to be very specific and behavioral about rating a particular behavior that he has. So if he talks about feeling hope or lack thereof at the very first session, where would you rate yourself at the first session and now at the third session on that dimension? And he said zero and about 4, let's say. Ok, what did he do-see I want him to take credit, that's very important. It's not what we therapists do, I think, it's what steps the client takes that are important, and I want Stan to take full credit for that. I want him to see that he's the expert on his own life. Although I may have expertise, he's the one with the expertise in knowing what he wants, and hopefully scaling gives him a little bit better handle on what I can do to increase something like hope in my life.