Intrigue Unmasked!
One of your fearless Gazette reporters has infiltrated the secretive Pontoon Baptist Church Men’s Breakfast (PBCMB),bringing a report from inside this nefarious council!
The PBC Men’s Breakfast is advertised as an innocent gathering of guys, with the modest intention to eat food, laugh together, and study the Scriptures. But we at the Gazette were suspicious from the very beginning that this ‘bacon-and-bible’ fellowship was only a cover for something far more sinister.
How right we were.
Our deep-cover reporter listened in on the conversation of these churchmen, and discovered that the true purpose of the Saturday morning gathering was nothing less than world domination. After the eggs were eaten, the sausages swallowed, the gravy gobbled, and the pancakes polished off, ‘Pastor’ Josh unrolled a large map and began to discuss plans with his co-conspirators.
“First,” he said, stroking his heavy handlebar-moustache, “we seize control of…Greenland!”
“Why?” one of his collaborators asked.
“It’s unexpected. NATO won’t know how to respond. Next, we attack…Andorra!”
“Is that a country?” another accomplice asked.
“Yes. It’s between Spain and France. Since most people don’t know it exists, they won’t know we’ve conquered it!” Several moments of evil laughter followed.
“Then, for the coup de grâce, we will capture the queen of England and make her our figurehead, while we secretly rule from the shadows!”
An uneasy silence filled the room, none of the men wanting to be the one to tell their leader that the queen of England was already a figurehead with no real power over British affairs…
At this point the communique ends. We fear our agent has been captured by the evil PBCMB. This could spell the end of the free world!…but probably not.
Lo, A Church Newsletter!
The Pontoon Gazette
Managing Editor: Horace S. Epworth, esq.1
Conspiracy Most Foul!
Men’s Breakfast plots to conquer the world!
“Pastor” Josh Steely (front right) and his cronies, scheming.
______
1 Pseudonym, ya’ll.
from the
Pastor’s
Quill
Life is filled with questions. Some of them don’t have a right or wrong answer, and the Scriptures don’t help us much when what we need to decide is, “do I want spaghetti for dinner, or meatloaf?” But with many of our questions, we are confronted with the need for wisdom: can I buy from companies who don’t treat their employees well? Should I search for a new job? How do I deal with that cousin who is always asking for money? Which candidate should I vote for in the election? How do I share my faith with my coworkers?
The Bible may not answer these questions directly, but it is concerned with acquiring wisdom that can help us in our decision-making. In fact, there’s a group of books in the Old Testament that are collectively referred to as the “wisdom books.” Perhaps the most popular of these, Proverbs, has near its very beginning the words, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge” (1.7a).
The “fear of the Lord” is the first step to gaining understanding; but what does the fear of the Lord mean? It’s reverence: more serious than the courtesy and respect we should give to even the most deserving of our fellow humans—but at the same time reverence isn’t a cringing horror that incapacitates us and makes us wish to avoid coming to God in prayer and worship. Genuine reverence for God, submission to God, love for God, puts our hearts in a place where we will be receptive to His wisdom and guidance.
When we are centered on Him we will see more and more clearly what is right and just and true – because He is all of these things.
A Two-Monthly Calendar, for Your Convenience
August-September 2016
On the Road: The choir will be performing their cantata at local nursing homes on August 7th, 13th, & 14th
Saturday, August 6th, and Sunday, August 7th: Choir will be performing cantata
Tuesday, August 9th: 6:30 PM Sunday School Teachers Mtg.
Wednesday, August 10th: Monthly Business Meeting, following evening service
Saturday, August 13th: 8:00 AM Men’s Breakfast
Sunday, August 14th: Lord’s Supper
Thursday, August 18th: 2:00 PM Ladies’ Tea & Bible Study
Saturday, August 20th: 4:00 PM Church Family Picnic!
Sunday, September 4th: Church Council Mtg, following service
Monday, September 5th: Labor Day! *Church Office Closed* Pastor not laboring.
Wednesday, September 7th: Monthly Business Meeting, following evening service
Saturday, September 10th: 8:00 AM Men’s Breakfast
Sunday, September 11th: Lord’s Supper
Tuesday, September 13th: 6:30 PM Sunday School Teachers Mtg.
Thursday, September 15th: 2:00 PM Ladies’ Tea & Bible Study
Sunday, September 18th: Potluck after service