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Extended Definition of “Friend”
The universally-accepted meaning of the word “friend” necessitates the presence of a kinship, or empathic, and generous susceptibility of character that aims to connect with others in different ways. (Merriam-Webster Dictionary, 2017). The Holy Scripture, which defines the most ancient meaning of the word, notes the quality and emotional investment involved in a friendship. Aristotle attempted to break the meaning of “friendship” and explain it philosophically. Modern writers still keep an eye on the influence of friendship, which is comparably the same since the first evidence of the word in the Old English language, prior to the year 900 (Merriam-Webster Dictionary, 2017). With the exception of the incorrect use of the word “friend” in social media to give false depths to the role of a mere internet follower, the significance of the term still remains: A friend is someone who influences positively the life of someone not related by blood or heritage.
The universal definition of a friend entails that such person is one who operates out of, both, sympathy and empathy toward someone else. From a linguistic point of view, the different variations of the words “friend” and “friendship” never lose the common denominators that make those words what they are. Throughout time, its definition has changed, from the MiddleEnglish word, “frend”, to theOldEnglish“frēond”, which stands for “friend,lover, relative.”(Merriam-Webster Dictionary, 2017). Interestingly, Merriam-Webster reports that the original, Old High German and the Old Saxon definitions entailed that “friund” and “friunt” were present participles of the cognate “frijōn,” and that this latter word is actually a Gothic definition which stands for “to love.” Once again, we see that feelings such as sympathy, love, kindness and empathy are necessary components in the whole definition.
Given that empathy is a learned, and not an innate behavior (Borba, 2016), the implication is that, for the word “friend” or “friendship” to even exist, there must be a human agent, or an experience of emotional nature, that would permit the behavior to manifest. And, while social and historical events either add or take away the original gravitas, or seriousness, of words, it is arguable that the importance of the word “friend” is that, by existing, it denotes that there is hope that this world still has people that are willing to care for others. This willingness to care and do well is explored at length from a moral and religious perspective in most of the Holy Scriptures from all over the world.
One of the most ancient sources that tap on the meaning of friendship is the Bible. (Peschke, 2017) Although the translations of the same word change from one version of the Old Testament to another, the words “friend”, “friendship” and “friendly” all come from the same root in Hebrew “reeh” and “oheb” which respectively mean “friend” and “one who loves” (Elwell, 2017.) In the New Testament, the word “friend” is translated into other, newer terms that also entail a strong emotional bond: “philos” and “hetairos”, which translate into “love/r” and “companion.” (Elwell, 2017) Here, too, the Bible defines friendship as the bond between two people who are not otherwise connected. Even at the lowest level, the likes of Judas is also called a “friend” by Jesus in Matthew 26:50, where the later says “Friend, do what you came for” even though what Judas went to do was to betray him. The argument is that friendship is, indeed, a kinship moved by emotion. The question of why friendships can lead to either the good or the bad, such as the case of Judas and Jesus, is something that is analyzed further by philosophy.
According to the philosopher Aristotle (1156 B.C.), there are three kinds of friendship which connect all humans: Friendship of utility, of pleasure, and of good. Not all three are good, nor guarantee happiness. He merely defines what he has seen as far as relationships are concerned.
The friendship of utility is that which is put together with the purpose of obtaining “something.” Whether it is something intangible, like company, or tangible, like financial benefit, the ultimate goal of the “friend” here is to use Friendship for personal gain. According to Aristotle, these friendships never last because, once the goal or need is achieved, the motivation for friendship ceases altogether. (Aristotle)
The second is the friendship of pleasure. In this type of friendship, two people akin to one another, and with a similar desire to achieve an emotional state, become united. Still, it continues to be a utilitarian relationship because, in this case, the ultimate goal is to achieve the ephemeral happiness caused by a pleasurable activity. Since pleasure is easily interrupted by the crudeness of reality, it cannot possibly be had in a sustained and consistent manner, the way satisfaction can. Therefore, as soon as the pleasure is interrupted or ceases in passion, the friendship tends to end. Examples of these are drinking buddies and love affairs. (Aristotle)
The third, and best of all Aristotelian friendships, is the friendship of the good. This friendship is described as “perfect” by the philosopher, and it consists on the altruistic love of one person to another. Each person in the relationship seeks a greater cause: the continuity of a fruitful and happy friendship based on mutual respect, goodness, and kindness. (Aristotle)
In all, the idea of friendship for Aristotle is as follows: There are rules for true, fruitful friendship to occur. All engaged in the friendship must be in it by free will; there is no such thing as a “forced friend”. Secondly, all friends much wish each other well. Finally, the cause of the friendship, the commonality, should always be mutual love. (Ross, Urmson on Aristotle, 1980)
Even modern sources continue to analyze what friends really are making it clear that the expectation of what a friend is supposed to be is quite high and has been unwavering throughout time. In Burbach’s writing “What is Friendship,” friends are characterized as people whose primary task is to make their other friends feel good. That is the key difference between what a “friend” is, versus a “peer” or a “consort.” A peer may or may not have an inclination to make others feel comfortable, or even tolerated. A friend, on the other hand, is aware that there is a relationship taking place and rules of engagement follow such a relationship. As such, friends do not take over one another, abuse, disrespect, bring down, or hurt other friends’ feelings. The actions are all made out of kindness. (Burbach, 2016)
The only place where the word “friend” is grossly overused and heavily misused is in social media. After having analyzed the history, etymology, and implications of the word “friend,” it is safe to argue that the use of the word to name an online subscriber is a total misnomer. If it has been already decided that a friendship entails an emotional bond, a willingness to do well onto others, and an altruistic desire to remain bonded, then it is obvious that such intentions are unlikely to exist in a typical online connection. (Turkle, 2014)
In fact, the exact opposite occurs in the worlds of Facebook, Wassap, Twitter and all the rest of social media outlets. In these types of sites, communication is sterile, barren, and emotionless. Connections lack empathy and natural warmth. While improvements have been attempted to create an artificial imagery of emotion, with emojis, and the use of graphics, the distance between the people connecting online is expansive and clearly evident. Only one button removes someone completely away from someone else’s “online life”. Connections are as easily created as they are ended. None of these dynamics carry with them any degree of responsibility, or depth of human sentiment. It is all nothing but a fake, empty, and very dark world that is only lit by the lamp of the computer monitor.
Even dating and love matching sites crassly lack the inclination of showing the true face of what a real friendship looks like. The online world is a source of instant gratification, which is the exact opposite of true friendship. A friend provides company, counsel, comfort, grace, joy and happiness. (Turkle, 2014)
The typical online friend is often absent, non-present, asynchronous, their intentions are unclear, and mutual support is very difficult to support under those circumstances. It is no wonder why the use of social media causes more isolation, anxiety and depression among users, amidst all those “friends” that the internet makes people believe that they have. It is less of a wonder that, to those who are used to that superficial, barren, and artificial definition of friendship, the idea of entering real, meaningful and organic relationship is not only terrifying, but almost unthinkable. (Turkle, 2014)
The conclusion of this argument is that, regardless of how the word is applied, and whether it is applied correctly or incorrectly, the definition of a friend remains the same. A friend is a physical and psychological presence that influences the lives of other friends in a positive matter. It is someone who wishes the best for this other friends; someone who altruistically watches over the well-being of his or her friends for the mere fact that love is involved, and nothing is at stake.
Making friends entails making sacrifices, such as removing all selfishness from the table and engaging in a mutually supportive environment. Where there is friendship there is no negativity, no anger, no resentment, no envy, and no possessiveness. In order for these things to be achieved, both parties must have an equal desire to keep a healthy relationship and, as such, they will enjoy the fruits of a great and productive kinship. All this said, it is clear that it is not easy to find a friend or be a friend. It is not a simple task. Still, those who decide to engage in the dynamics of such a relationship are people who definitely wish to act on behalf of kindness, and who wish to do onto others the way they would want to be treated themselves.
Works Cited
Aristotle, Ross,Walter, and Urmson, John.The Nicomachean Ethics.
Oxfordshire: Oxford University Press, 1980. Print.
Borba, Michele Unselfie. New York: Touchstone, 2016. Print
Burbach, Cherie “What is Friendship and How Does It Make Your Life Better” About
Retrieved on May 11, 2017 from
http://friendship.about.com/od/Types_of_Friendships/a/What-Is-Friendship.htm
Elwell, Walter A. "Entry for 'Friend, Friendship'” Evangelical Dictionary of Theology.
Grand Rapids: Baker Book House Company. Reproduced 2017. Print
"friend."Merriam-Webster.com. Merriam-Webster, 2017. Web. 11 May 2017
Peschke, Ingrid “Turning Enemies into Friends” The Christian Science Monitor, 18 (3) retrieved on May 11, 2017 from http://www.csmonitor.com/Commentary/A-Christian-Science-Perspective/2017/0428/Turning-enemies-into-friends
Turkle, Sherry. Alone Together: What to Expect from the Internet
New York: New York Times Press, 2014. Print.