Insincerities Is the Belief That Death Is Not Part of Life

Grading station- 2 D. Supporting paragraphs- Does the analysis of the evidence support the claim and thesis, sufficiently?

Example #1

Thesis-In Tolsky’sThe Death of Ivan Ilych, Ivan’s illness and suffering is an allegory for the

suffering most people endure for living inauthentic and insincere lives.Among these

insincerities is the belief that death is not part of life.

Tolstoy makes it clear that Ivan’s psychological torment is caused by the way he has lived an insincere, self-serving life. Ivan attempts to surround himself with meaningless distractions in order to avoid delving into controversy, “but if he met with antagonism and querulousness he at once retired into his separate fenced-off world of official duties, where he found satisfaction.” His retreat into a non-confrontational domain also separated him from the challenges that make a life worth living. When Ivan is injured, and is forced to confront the reality of death, he finds it impossible to concentrate on his work, makes “mistakes”, in the face of “It”. Ivan no longer is able to concentrate on his work, because he is no longer able to blind himself from the truth of his banal existence and use his distractions as a retreat from responsibility, and growth. He is forced to “look upon It”. “It”, his new awareness of his innocuous existence, torments him. Even when the prognosis seems dire, Ivan attempts to deny his condition is “death”, but simply “a kidney or an intestine that temporarily evaded its duty”. Ivan even denies the possibility that he had not lived his life properly “…if it could be said that I have not lived as I ought to. But it is impossible to say that”. Attempting to maintain these beliefs causes Ivan much pain. In attempting to hide his impending doom in medical terminology, pills, and doctors he gives himself false hope, only to be let down when he feels the all too familiar pain in his side. In attempting to deny the truth that his life could have been lived better, not “only for himself”, he prolongs his agony and is only released when he acknowledges, selflessly, that it would be better for his family if he were to die. Upon this realization, his agony ends. He accepts death, he accepts the pain, and “In the place of death there was light”. In fact, it was not death oppressing him but his own denial of the truth. For Ivan, the process of having to acknowledge the truth of death seemed even more painful than his physical suffering.

This writer has made an attempt to leave no stone unturned. The multiple examples, each used to support elements of the thesis, prove the claim made. Admit it, even though you have not read the short story, you believe this writer to be correct in making those claims. Thus, the writer has met the goal of actually arguing, supporting, and analyzing the validity of the claim.

Example #2

Thesis-Leo Tolstoy’s,The Death of Ivan Ilych, examines a dying man’s realization of an

unfulfilled existence and the influence of his hubris upon his assessment of a previously

satisfactory life.

Ivan blames his own actions and the actions of others for his misery and shortness of life. He hates his wife and family for not loving him and pitying him as he saw fit. Physically he was unwell, but mentally he was plagued with distress and depression. For “ his mental sufferings were his chief torture” (81). He battles with blaming himself for not living “as I ought to have done” (78), but says he “did everything properly” (78). Conflicted with regret and determination, he comes to a conclusion and a confession on how his life really was spent. For “It had occurred to him that what had appeared perfectly impossible before, namely that he had not spent his life as he should have done, might after all be true” (81). Ivan contradicts his previous claim that his life was pleasant. In fact, instead of being pleasant and proper, his life ends up being troubling and unsuitable.

This writer, who had a previous example used as a quality paragraph, shows how easily one can descend into the dreaded “3rd paragraph of Death.” In essence, this writer, likely through less than thorough planning, ran out of anything meaningful to write.

The purpose of this paragraph was to evidently dump loads of evidence on the reader, in the hope that something meaningful would come out of it. Now, is it “poorly” written? Not necessarily. But, does it clearly define an argument and analyze how it supports the thesis? No. So, while this writer can write well, there is no evidence that this paragraph fulfills any purpose.