Inattentiveness Has Its Price
Patrick R. Westerkamp
Asuccessfulmediator involuntarily left his large practice, and appeared at the Pearly Gates, but was summarily ordered below. Calling on his best principled negotiations technique the mediator simply asked "Why?" Saint Peter explainedthatHeaven was overflowing with peacekeepers. Still using approved technique the mediator next asked, "What would you do if the world's best mediator now stood before you?" The Heavenly gatekeeper answered that he would pose three questions to test the person's credentials.
"What," said the mediator, "would you test?" Saint Peter replied that a truly great mediator could prove he was a wordsmith, thought outside of box, and was a superior listener. The mediator felt that he was up to the challenge. Here are the results:
Q. If you are a great wordsmith, what two days of the week begin with "T"?
A. Today and tomorrow.
Q. Now to prove you’re creative, how many seconds are in a year?
A. There are 12 seconds in each year. January 2nd, February 2nd....
Q. Finally, if you are a good listener tell me God's first name?
A. That's easy, it’s Howard.
With that answer the chute to theNether Worldopened. As the mediator was sliding down Saint Peter heard him praying: "Our Father Who art in Heaven, Howard be Thy name...." Are we doing better than our too late colleague?
As workplace mediators, we owe our complete attention to the employees and supervisors who present their life-impacting conflicts to us. Does our active listening go beyond gathering factual information? Do we connect with clients, validate the importance of their feelings, and otherwise suggest to everyone at the table that they too should listen? Why should anyone trust a mediator who in giving less than complete attention creates the impression that he could care less? People who feel that they have been heard are more likely to yield to a mediator’s persuasion.
My friend Maryellen, a real estate broker, is a wonderful role model for active listening at its highest level. She engages fully in conversations through: eye contact; appropriate facial expressions; body language (e.g., leaning forward at critical junctures); tone of voice; brief expressions showing that she heard (e.g., “You’ve got to be kidding,” a laugh, a sigh), and by not interrupting. Maryellen connects through listening. She also sells a lot of houses.
Maryellen has merged effective performance with commercial success. This, as our late colleague discovered, can be difficult feat.Inattentivenesshas its price.