Writing to your Donor Family

If you are reading this now, your life has probably been saved or enhanced by the amazing gift of donation from someone you’ve never met. You no doubt are aware that sadness and loss have accompanied the gift of donation you received. And so you, like many recipients, may be confused about what to say or do. You may want to express your gratitude, but may feel afraid that you will intrude or add to the donor family’s grief. This guide is meant to address your concerns and provide you with instructions for corresponding with your donor family.

Experience shows that donor families want to know their gift has been received and that it has made a difference in someone’s life. A thank you card or letter from their recipient can often help them to bear the sorrow of their loss. A card or letter is not generally thought of as an intrusion as long as you communicate in a sensitive way.

We also recognize that not all recipients feel able to express their thoughts to their donor family. They may choose not to write. This does not mean they are less thankful. These recipients have expressed to us at Intermountain Donor Services that they live each day quietly remembering the generosity of their donor families. And sometimes those same recipients do decide to express their gratitude in a card or letter at a later time.

Intermountain Donor Services and your transplant social worker/coordinator will facilitate correspondence with your donor family. At Intermountain Donor Services, it is our belief that donor families and recipients have the right to engage in mutually acceptable forms of communication, as they desire, with respect to confidentiality. There is no right or wrong way to approach this communication. And there is no timeline for your decision. Following are general guidelines for you to follow.

Guidelines for Correspondence

When writing to your donor family you may:

  • Acknowledge and express sympathy for the donor family’s loss.
  • Thank the donor family.
  • Use simple language. Be sensitive to the feelings of the donor family.
  • Share general information about your life, occupation, family and friends, hobbies and interests.
  • To respect confidentiality and anonymity please sign only your first name. Don't include last names, addresses, city names, phone numbers, or names of hospitals or physicians.
  • Write about your transplant experience using simple language, not medical jargon, and how it has affected your life.
  • Place your completed letter in an unsealed envelope. Include a separate sheet of paper with your full name and your date of transplant. Mail to your transplant coordinator at the transplant center.
  • The transplant coordinator will then mail your card or letter with the proper donor identification information to Intermountain Donor Services. We will forward it to the donor family.

The same process is true for any return correspondence from the donor family. We receive it and send it on to you through your transplant social worker/coordinator. The only way you and your donor family could come to know each other’s identity is if you mutually agree to exchange that information.

There is no right or wrong way to approach this communication. Some donor families do not desire any communication with the recipient. Other donor families want anonymous contact that is facilitated by us. Still, other donor families seek to move in the direction of a free, direct, and mutual exchange between themselves and the recipient. Intermountain Donor Services is here to facilitate the communication you want, not to direct you as to how or if you should communicate

Just as you had to make the decision to write your donor family, the donor family also needs to decide whether they feel comfortable to read your correspondence. and write back. If you do not receive any return correspondence from the donor family, please remember that the donor family is coping with the loss of their loved one and that individuals handle grief in different ways. We at Intermountain Donor Services are thankful that you took the time to write to the family and express your gratitude. Even if they feel unable to communicate with you, they will always know that you cared and were thankful for their donation.

If you need further information about writing to donor families, or have any questions at allfeel free to contact Karen Hannahs at Intermountain Donor Services at 801.478.7333, or talk with your transplant social worker or coordinator.