BRIDESMAIDS
ANNIE
I’m so glad we got to do this, I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.
LILLIAN
I know, I’ve been in Chicago a lot.
ANNIE
I know, sleeping at Dougie’s house.
LILLIAN
It’s just closer to work.
ANNIE
How’s it going with him anyway?
LILLIAN
I don’t know. It’s fine, but I feel like he’s been a bit distant lately. He calls me “dude” a lot.
ANNIE
That doesn’t mean anything. I think everything’s fine.
LILLIAN
I don’t know. Anyway, what did you do last night?
ANNIE
Umm...
LILLIAN
What did you do last night? You are not telling me something.
ANNIE
I hung out with Ted for a little bit.
LILLIAN
I knew it!
ANNIE
We had fun. It was fun.
LILLIAN
Here’s what I don’t like about it. You hate yourself after you see him, every time. And then we go through this and you feel like shit, and it’s almost like you’re doing it because you feel bad about yourself.
ANNIE
He called me late and we hung out. It wasn’t a big deal. And it was fun.
LILLIAN
Ew, you had sex with him.
ANNIE
We had...an adult sleep over.
LILLIAN
Oh, did you let him sleep over IN YOUR MOUTH? ...Annie!
ANNIE
I’m sorry. He kept putting it near my face.
LILLIAN
They do that.
ANNIE
Let us offer. If we don’t offer--
LILLIAN
You’re supposed to slap it away.
ANNIE
I couldn’t! You don’t want to look right at it. It’s too aggressive. It’s like...
Annie imitates a penis.
ANNIE (CONT’D)
That’s my impression.
Annie sticks out her elbows.
LILLIAN
Those are the balls?
ANNIE
I’m trying to make it round, but I can’t cause I have elbows. He’s so hot though!
LILLIAN
Look, I know you say he’s cute and all that stuff, but it makes you feel like shit. You’re a total catch and any guy would be psyched to be your man. You should just make room for somebody who is nice to you.
ANNIE
You know what, he’s honest. He told me we are what we are, and we’re just having fun. And I like that!
LILLIAN
He also told you you need dental work. He’s an asshole!
Annie has food covering a tooth.
ANNIE
I don’t need dental work.
LILLIAN
You’re right.
ANNIE
There’s nothing wrong with my teeth.
Lillian has food on her teeth too.
LILLIAN
You’re so beautiful. Will you marry me?
ANNIE
Yes.
LILLIAN
I love you.
ANNIE
I love you.