I feel so blessed to now officially be a member of the Neelsville Family. My husband Ryan became a member last year, but I wasn’t quite ready yet. Pastor Pete asked me if I would be willing to tell you all a little bit about my spiritual journey. I work with dogs for a living so I haven’t talked in front of a group of humans in a long time, so I’m a little nervous…but like what my favorite basketball player, Stephen Curry writes on his shoes at the start of every game, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, so here we go…”
I can count on one hand the amount of times I attended church before starting here at Neelsville. One was my own baptism as an infant, another being my wedding, and a few other miscellaneous times here and there. Never once, until very recently, had I walked into a church simply to pray and enjoy the Word of God.
I didn’t grow up going to church. Religion was not something that was talked about in our house. My Dad did not believe in God, my Mom simply just didn’t talk about God, and my younger sister basically just did or believed whatever I did or believed. Afterall, isn’t that what little sisters do? My sister branched off a little in high school. Her best friend’s father was a Pastor, so she started her spiritual journey a good while before I did. After my parents divorced, my Mom immediately started going to church. I continued on to college as a Biology major. Through complete ignorance, I guess I decided that I just didn’t believe in God. Religion in general actually made me very uncomfortable. I remember feeling nervous being in church at my own wedding. I felt very out of place during some of our friend’s catholic weddings as I remained seated while everyone else took communion.
Fast forward ahead to January 10th 2013…my first baby girl was born.
Fast forward ahead again to April 13th 2016…my second baby girl was born.
It was important to my husband and other family members that the girls be baptized, so I didn’t have a problem with it. My oldest, Ava, was baptized at a non-denominational church in my hometown at 8 months old, which now brings us to my youngest, Ella. Ryan and I decided that since he grew up going to a Presbyterian church and Ella’s Godparents are local to this area, we would look for a Presbyterian church here to have her baptized.
Along with the baptism, I also wanted to find a church that had a good program for kids. Motherhood is filled with the most amazing and rewarding things, but it is also filled with worry. I feel like the world has become a pretty scary place at times, and I want my children to view it as nothing but beautiful for as long as possible. I thought that Sunday School would be a safe and positive place to accomplish that. After getting in touch with Neelsville, I knew I found the right place. Since my main focus at the time was my girls, Pastor Pete got me in touch with Jamie. Jamie and I clicked from the get go. We started out our friendship as many mothers do…with a chaotic kid-filled playdate.
As Jamie and I were getting to know each other, she asked me a little bit about my religious background. As I explained my story I was studying her face, waiting for a look of disappointment or maybe even judgment. I never even saw a glimpse of either of those things. In fact, all I saw was positivity…and hope. That Sunday my entire family somehow got out of the house on time and went to church. To say I was uncomfortable and little nervous is an understatement, but when I walked in the doors it was nothing short of welcoming.
My girls were greeted with open arms. Ella fit in perfectly at the nursery and Ava was very excited to be in her classroom with her new good friend, Charlotte. Now it was my turn to see if I fit in. The church service was great. Pastor Pete did a wonderful job. He was talking about the book of James. I read a long with him and I sang the hymns. I love singing so that was something comfortable for me to do. Then came the Lord’s Prayer. Oh no. Thank goodness it was printed in the bulletin. As all the people around me were closing their eyes and bowing their heads, I was just glancing around, worried that people would know that I didn’t know a single word of it. I left there that Sunday wanting to go back, so we did. Every Sunday.
Jamie and I continued to meet up. She started a beginners group for women new to Christianity. We studied through a book called Growing in Christ. At the age of 33, I definitely had a lot of growing to do. We were outnumbered by our children at our Friday morning meetings, but even through the chaos, I found myself really looking forward to it.
During this time, Pastor Pete came to our house to talk about membership. Ryan was ready to become a member, but I definitely wasn’t. I was explaining to Pastor Pete that I still didn’t know what I believed, but that I really enjoyed going to church. I felt a calmness while there. Pastor Pete explained to me that at some point during this journey, that calmness might start to feel a little heavy as I start to learn and have more questions.
I started to find myself looking for ways to be involved with the church. I had mentioned to Jamie that I like to do crafty things. I offered to do the bulletin board outside fellowship hall. I was just trying to find my place. I started participating in events as often as possible…trunk or treat (which we won), the Jesse tree ornament exchange, youth basketball games. I would look in the bulletin for the next event! Christmas was different this year. It was the first time that I actually viewed it as the religious holiday it is….and it felt right.
In January, Ella was baptized on this very stage. I was emotional standing up here with my entire family and my new church friends. Shortly thereafter, the heaviness that Pastor Pete warned me of hit me. I struggled with my faith. I truly wanted to believe. I don’t know what was holding me back, I guess my 33 years of disbelief. I guess I was just waiting for some kind of sign. Looking back now that seems so silly. I have a wonderful family, an amazing husband, and two beautiful miracles that I get to wake up to every single day. What more did I need?
I received a call on a Monday morning from Ella’s daycare. The owner, who I consider part of our family, told me that I needed to pick her up immediately. They were losing their house. When I arrived, all of their possessions were just thrown to the curb. In 6 hours’ time, they were completely homeless. That evening her husband was in an accident and in the hospital. I asked them to stay with us as long as they needed.
Two days later her husband was released from the hospital and they found a nice apartment to start over. When I messaged her to check in, she messaged me back, “Thank you for everything, and may God Bless your family.” After all she had been through, she didn’t care about her house, she didn’t care about her things, she didn’t care about how she was treated. None of it mattered because she had her faith…and God.
That Sunday I went to Church. It felt different. I didn’t have to look at my bulletin. I filled out my first prayer card. I was singing Come Thou Fount. I sang the words, “Here’s my heart, take and seal it.” I just kind of paused for a second as the heaviness started to go away. I belonged here.
On February 19th Pastor Pete offered to pray with me to officially open my heart to Jesus. I asked my wingwoman, Jamie, to come with me. She has not only been a wonderful friend, but also my mentor. I wouldn’t be here without her. I still have a lot to learn, but I’ve come to realize that maybe this was His plan for me. Maybe I am supposed to be up here in all my vulnerability, encouraging other adults like me to take their own journey.
(prayer)
Lord, I first want to thank you for this church family. They are some of the loveliest people I have ever met. I want to thank you for thispath that you led me down. I want to pray for anyone sitting here today, or for anyone who hasn’t quite made it through those doors yet and is questioning or struggling with their faith to open their hearts and minds. I know you will be with them as they face the same journey that I did. In Jesus’ name we pray…Amen
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