Old Clothes

At least once a year I decide my clothes closet is too full so I go though it to see what stuff I can throw out or give away.

One of the reasons my closet is so full is that, while my intentions are good, most of the time when I go through it, I don’t actually get rid of anything.

I brought in a box with some of this year’s candidates.

This is a suit I bought twelve years ago. Can anyone tell me why I ever thought this was something I’d wear? It makes me look as though I run a pawn shop.

It fits me fine but in the twelve years I’ve had it, I’ve only worn it twice and one of those times I kept my overcoat on so on one would see me in it.

This is a corduroy燈芯絨jacket. I like it. When I get something I like, I usually go buy another.

I’m afraid I’ll run out of them. Here’s the other one…slightly different color but otherwise the same. Nice, but the trouble is, I only wear a corduroy jacket about three times a year. Here’s a 1984 Giants ticket. It gives you some idea of how often I wear it.

Okay…now here’s a collector’s item and I’m the collector. There was a great restaurant in New York years ago named the Quilted Giraffe. The owner, Barry Wine, never gave me a free meal but he gave me a jacket. Can you imagine me wearing this jacket to a Giants Game?

We all laughed at Imelda Marcus because she had 1,500 pairs of shoes. A lot of us can understand that. I have three pairs of white bucks with red rubber soles because they were trendy when I was in college. I never wear any of them.

No matter how ugly a necktie is, I never throw one away.

Is that an ugly necktie? The trouble is, it’s nicely made, it doesn’t have any spots on it. Tastes change…who knows, next year I may think it’s good-looking.

There was a time years ago when every man bought what was called “a three-piece suit.” Well, the third piece, the vest, has gone out of style. I kept this…a tattersall有淺底深色方格圖案的vest.

And here’s something I could never throw away. It’s my Army Eisenhower jacket with the correspondent’s patch on it.

I weighed 185 when I wore this and I’m 200 now. As a reporter for The Stars and Stripes, I think I interviewed Private Ryan in this.

These are all clothes I should get rid of because I’m never going to wear them but what I’m going to do is this…I’m going to pack them up, take them home and hang them back in my closet where they belong.

From Andy Rooney, Years of Minutes, pp. 416-417.

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