From the Counselling Cell of Ecumenical Sangam (report by Parinita Dixit)
Domestic Violence Report/first interview
Name: Vimal
Residence: Sonuli
Definition - Type of violence against woman:Psychological/emotional violence
Involves violence to the victim caused by acts, threats of acts, or coercive tactics. Abuse can include, but is not limited to, humiliating the victim, controlling what the victim can or cannot do, withholding information from the victim, deliberately doing something to make the victim feel diminished or embarrassed, isolating the victim from friends and family or denying the victim access to basic resources or needs.
Introduction and overview about the current case:The following case deals with a husband, not willing to have a sexual relationship with his wife, because of the assertion, that she would have HIV.However his wife insists on her want to have sex with him at least once in every two weeks and at the same time she is distrustful about the assertion of her husband.
To proof that the woman has got the Virus, her husband forced her to go to the doctor for making a medical test. Up till now the result of the test hasn’t been shown to the wife herself, but nevertheless her husband still sticks to his point.Indeed the husband claims that he has shown the test to the brothers of the wife,who agree with him, not to have a sexual relationship with her because of the risk of infection, there are a lot of doubts and points to criticize left.
As long as the wife has not seen the test or better has made a test herself and the husband is not willing to talk neither about protection nor about the needs of his wife and obviously is withholding information, there is psychological violence caused to the wife.
Interview:
Counselor: “How can I help you madam?”
Vimala: ”Last time my case has been registered by another counselorand the datefor this appointment has been given to me. I would like to know, what we do next in that case and if we should make compromise?”
Counselor: “What do you know about compromises?”
Vimala:“I just want to know, what we should do further.”
Counselor:“We have to find out the problem and look together for a solution. Yet we are convinced that you are the only person who can solve the problem. Our contribution is to help you to understandthe problem, find the right solution for you and to strengthen your position in the conflict. Wealways try to give you various ways in front of you and different possibilities for reacting and we will discuss every of them. However at last you have to make a decision.”
Vimala:“My husband doesn’t want to have a sexual relationship with me, because I have HIV? In my opinion, we should have sexual contactat least once in two weeks. I have no idea how to find a solution.”
Counselor:“He might be thinking that there is a riskof infection. But why should you compel him to have a sexual relationship with you?”
Vimala: “He also has some physical problems, more problems then me. Furthermore he complained, that I should have had told him about the HIV before marrying him.He also should have had told me that he has got physical complications with his private parts.”
Counselor:“When did you come to know about havingAIDS?”
Vimala:“Three years ago.”
Counselor:“Do you have any health problems which would underline the suspicion that you have AIDS?”
Vimala:“No, I don’t.”
Counselor:“Who has told you that you have AIDS?”
Vimala:“My husband hastaken me to the doctor and hasgot the report which attests that I am HIV-positive.”
Counselor:“Have you seen the report in personal?”
Vimala: “No, I haven’t.”
Counselor:“You should go to the doctor yourself and take a test to be sure about the suspicion. After that you should conform about the real resultof the test. No one will take care of you and therefore it is unavoidable that you yourself take care of you and make the decisions.
Thus our next step will be to go to the village-nurse and collect information about Aids and making a medical HIV-test. In addition you have to think about what you really want and how to solve the problem in a way that satisfies you? Maybe he doesn’t want to live together with you, but if so just let him live his life and get separated. At last you could live a more independent life.”
Field worker: “When we told her husband to show the report of the test, he has refused it.”
Counselor:“Although you have known that he already was in prison,you married him?”
Vimala: “I have married him because I am a widow since my first husband died in an accident. I wanted to marry again and this man was my first contact after the tragedy.I knowthat it could have consequences for me to come here and report. Nevertheless I have been coming.”
Counselor: “Don’t worry. The information given to us will be kept confidential andwe wouldn’t contact your husband without your permission.Also we don’t involve legal adviser. Our focus is on trying to save your family and that you won’t be hurt anymore by anyone.”
Vimala:“What should I do, should I quit up with my husband?”
Counselor:“First of all, we will ask your husband to come here to talk to him. We want to find out what he thinks about the situation. After that, you have the decision if you want to talk with him and find a solution together.”
Vimala:“Madam,do you only speak to my husband alone?”
Counselor: “Yes, we do. So when do you want your next appointment?”
Vimala:“When you will be there?”
Counselor:“Don’t worry. If I am not here, there will be another counselor who takes care of you. She will help you.”
Vimala: “Could you please give me your number?”
Counselor: “Of Course. That’s it. Bye.”
Vimala: “Thank you. Bye.“