Final editing for the Descriptive Essay. Due before :

The final reader of any piece of writing before it is turned in for publication, an assignment or to a reader should be the essay’s writer. All essays or writing have different purposes, different audiences, an organic structure determined by the writers purpose and a unique attention to language that fits the writer’s purpose.

Once we begin to think like a writer and take into account the reader, not the writer as the primary force behind writing, we begin to make better choices and understand the choices professional writers make. The descriptive essay has its own challenges. Ask yourself the following questions and edit one last time with a critical ear and eye. In the final analysis it boils down to,“Have I been clear concrete, lucid and organized? Is there any part of the essay where I am vague, abstract, and unclear in my impression or have I added words, images and sentences that do not contribute to my overall impression?”

1.Is the point of view consistent? If you choose I stay with I, you can not say “we thought” or “we felt” unless you are schizophrenic or Dr. Spock doing a mind meld from the old Star Trek series. If you use “one” or “you” it is objective and detached and should not change to I.

2.Check each pronoun; underline with a color. Is it consistent.

  1. Does every verb and noun have a concrete meaning? Are there abstract images or awkward sentences that you understand but the reader will not? Put a wavy line under any detail that is told instead of shown. Cut out all generalized writing,:amazing, intelligent, surprised, frightened, society, incredible, beautiful, wonderful, (show us those qualities). Examples of abstract terms include love, success, freedom, good, moral, democracy, and any -ism (chauvinism, Communism, feminism, racism, sexism). These terms are fairly common and familiar, and because we recognize them we may imagine that we understand them—but we really can't, because the meanings won't stay still. We experience the world first and most vividly through our senses.
  2. Circle every noun and verb and underline every adjective. Ask if it is clear and accurate. If not change it.

From the beginning, we sense hot, cold, soft, rough, loud. Our early words are all concrete: nose, hand, ear, cup, Mommy. We teach concrete terms: "Where's baby's mouth?" "Where's baby's foot?"—not, "Where's baby's democracy?" Why is it that we turn to abstractions and generalizations when we write? If you were a politician, you might prefer abstract terms to concrete terms. "We'll direct all our considerable resources to satisfying the needs of our constituents" sounds much better than "I'll spend $10 million of your taxes on a new highway that will help my biggest campaign contributor." But your goal as a writer is not to hide your real meanings, but to make them clear, so you'll work to use fewer abstract terms and more concrete terms.

  1. Have you inferred or suggested a clear, dominant impression? Do all details, paragraphs and images reinforce and lead to that dominant impression? This is the hard part of writing for most of us, this is where discipline and thinking come in. Cut out extra words, images ideas or stories that don’t reinforce the dominant impression of your description.You should be able to cut three words from each sentence. Cut out all narrative and telling that does not transition from one paragraph to another. This essay should be primarily about sight, smell, touch, smell and taste. If you say I think it’s not descriptive. The focus in this essay is your ability to use concrete language, organize that language into a unified whole and edit your work for clarity.
  2. If a paragraph does not connect to the preceding idea or does not reinforce the dominant impression, cut it out or rewrite it with imagery and sensory detail so it is important and relevant
  3. Have I used passive voice?. Use the active voice. (Elements of Style):
  4. Underline the to be verb and s change the sentence if possible.

The active voice is usually more direct and vigorous than the passive: I shall always remember my first visit to Boston. This is much better than

My first visit to Boston will always be remembered by me.

The latter sentence is less direct, less bold, and less concise. If the writer tries to make it more concise by omitting "by me,"

My first visit to Boston will always be remembered,

it becomes indefinite: is it the writer, or some person undisclosed, or the world at large, that will always remember this visit? This rule does not, of course, mean that the writer should entirely discard the passive voice, which is frequently convenient and sometimes necessary.

The dramatists of the Restoration are little esteemed to-day.

Modern readers have little esteem for the dramatists of the Restoration.

The first would be the right form in a paragraph on the dramatists of the Restoration; the second, in a paragraph on the tastes of modern readers. The need of making a particular word the subject of the sentence will often, as in these examples, determine which voice is to be used.

The habitual use of the active voice, however, makes for forcible writing. This is true not only in narrative principally concerned with action, but in writing of any kind. Many a tame sentence of description or exposition can be made lively and emphatic by substituting a transitive in the active voice for some such perfunctory expression as there is, or could be heard.

There were a great number of dead leaves lying on the ground. / Dead leaves covered the ground.
The sound of the falls could still be heard. / The sound of the falls still reached our ears.
The reason that he left college was that his health became impaired. / Failing health compelled him to leave college.
It was not long before he was very sorry that he had said what he had. / He soon repented his words.

As a rule, avoid making one passive depend directly upon another.

In both the examples above, before correction, the word properly related to the second passive is made the subject of the first.

A common fault is to use as the subject of a passive construction a noun which expresses the entire action, leaving to the verb no function beyond that of completing the sentence.

A survey of this region was made in 1900. / This region was surveyed in 1900.
Mobilization of the army was rapidly carried out. / The army was rapidly mobilized.
Confirmation of these reports cannot be obtained. / These reports cannot be confirmed.

Compare the sentence, "The export of gold was prohibited," in which the predicate "was prohibited" expresses something not implied in "export."

  1. Are all sentences concise and direct? The subject should name the agent of your idea, the verb should tell what the agent did or was, and the object can name the receiver of the action. Is each sentence clear and concise? Where is the main meaning of a sentence unclear? Put a wavy line under all unclear sentences.
  2. Cut out repetition and padding, look at any sentence that has the same verb or noun twice and rewrite so the word appears once.
  3. Have you used a variety of sentences? Underline twice an example of a compound sentence, complex sentence and simple sentence. Look at places were a simple sentence might end a paragraph gracefully. Where can sentence variety improve your essay?
  4. Do all sentences have a subject and a predicate? Put a wavy line under all incomplete sentences.
  5. Edit for subject pronoun agreement. You can not say the student needs to study; they will fail if they do not. Is he or she the direct object pronouns? Is him or her the indirect object pronouns?
  6. Have you used the dreaded semicolon correctly?
  7. Spelling, grammar, ect!!!!!

Checklist:

Final draft rubric______

Revisions signed by partner/ stamped by Mr. C ______

Notes Compact reader ______

Conference summary ______

Stamped rough draft ______

Prewriting and CR notes