F.E.A.R. Factors: Challenges of Being an Ally Page 2/2

F.E.A.R. Factors: Challenges of Being an Ally – Page 2/2

by Maura Cullen

There is a plethora of reasons why people begin the journey of becoming social justice allies. There is a belief that it is the right and just thing to do and that our efforts can make a positive difference in the lives of so many. These beliefs sustain and strengthen our resolve on what can be a challenging journey.

Allies for social justice are often met with resistance by friend and foe alike. At times, allies often feel in limbo, feeling as though we do not belong in either camp of Dominate or Target identities. Neither group fully trusts us. Dominants who do not share our vision of social justice, are leery of people that challenge the status quo. They do not want to be around those who constantly challenge their language, beliefs or jokes. They want the “old you” back, the person who was more relaxed and fun. On the other side of the coin, target group members are cautious, as they may not trust our intention or motivation.

While external pressures to maintain the status quo can be daunting, our internal conversations can be equally debilitating to our success. We must be on alert for these internal messages that are fear based. To be more effective allies we must conquer our own F.E.A.R. in order to diminish the biggest obstacle on our path to being allies, ourselves.

The framework F.E.A.R. outlined below, addresses many questions and concerns that allies often experience that may prevent us from speaking out and taking appropriate action.

Working through these questions with other allies as well as target group members can fortify and expedite the ally journey.

Fraud

If I am not a member of the oppressed group, do I have the right to speak up?
What qualifies me to be an ally?
If I do not respond 100% of the time to oppressive or offensive acts am I a truly an ally?

Exclusion

Can I withstand being ostracized and/or criticized by family, friends and colleagues?
How will I deal with the possible loss of networking and social benefits if I am no longer considered part of the group?

Aptitude

Do I have the skills necessary to foster meaningful and effective exchanges?
Do I have the knowledge base to defend my position and beliefs?
Do I have the skills to foster conversation rather than create debate?

Resilience

Do I have what it takes to stay the course when the isolation and stress of being an ally becomes overwhelming?
Do I have the patience and compassion to help other allies along their journey?

Jackson Katz states, “Your voice is your vehicle.” Becoming effective allies means knowing when to listen and learn; and knowing when to speak out and educate. Although we don’t always get things right, the more we practice the more skilled we become.

Allies are people. People are imperfect. Therefore, allies are imperfect. Being an ally can be a lonely experience. It can also prove to be a magical one. Finding the courage and confidence to confront our own F.E.A.R. not only transforms our lives, it generates currents of courage, trust and hope, to many more.

Articles are provided for educational purposes and may be reprinted unaltered without prior permission, provided credit is given to the author as the source and the following paragraph is included. Notice of their use and publication, however, would be appreciated and can be sent to .

Dr. Maura Cullen is the author of "35 Dumb Things Well-Intended People Say: Surprising Things We Say That Widen the Diversity Gap". She is widely considered one of the nation's foremost authorities of diversity issues on college campuses today. Maura has over 25 years of experience as a keynote speaker and trainer. She earned her doctorate in Social Justice & Diversity Education from the University of Massachusetts, is a Founding Faculty member of the Social Justice Training Institute and Founder of the Diversity Student Summit. To learn more visit