/ 2009-05-26 19:25
The League Admin
Arran Premier League
Manager: Djchrismac
The Arran Premier League
Breaking news!!!
An application has been received to start up an Arran Premier League on Xpert11 with invitations sent out to several teams, more news on this huge story as we get it....
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Arran Banner Sports
2009-05-28 03:21
Athletico Machrie
Arran Premier League
Manager: MrJobby
Athletico Machrie welcomes the chase!!!
Athletico Machrie's inspiring manager, Mr Jobby, today berated the other teams in the APL.
'Pirnmill Panthers will be the whipping boys of the league. They'll prop up the table for most of the season... if not all!'
'Glen Cloy Rangers may present more of a challenge. But only because of their corrupt manager. He will no doubt change the rules at some point.'
'Nags Legends usually forget to take someone on their minibus.'
'North Sannox Midgies will be annoying but short lived.'
'Thunderguy Harriers and Benlister Rovers are considered 'diddie' teams because of their youthful and inexperienced managers.'
Mr Jobby then commentted on the recents rumours of a team entering from the Holy Isle.
'They might have an experience manager - he does little else - but all I expect from them is shameful, religious chanting.'
Mr Jobby finished off by talking about the pre-season.
'The team is ready, and we're looking to arrange a pre-season thrashing.'
/ 2009-05-28 19:27
The League Admin
Arran Premier League
Manager: Djchrismac
Pre-season Gets Underway
The Arran Premier League has now entered pre-season.
Eight teams have now registered with the league:
Glen Cloy Rangers
Thunderguy Harriers
Benlister Rovers
Athletico Machrie
Nags Legends
Pirnmill Panthers
North Sannox Midges
Holy Isle Monkeys
The maximum league quota is 12 teams so we will be open for registration for another week or so to see if the final 4 spaces are filled. If not then the APL season will get underway with the 8 teams above.
Use this time to arrange a pre-season friendly and start getting to know your team and your opponents.
First up on the bill this Sunday will see Glen Cloy Rangers managed by Chris MacDonald host Neil Ferguson's Athletico Machrie at UnderwoodPark in the historic first fixture of the APL!
2009-05-28 19:59
Glen Cloy Rangers
Arran Premier League
Manager: Djchrismac
Rangers Prepare For Stoners Visit
With the first friendly of the Arran Premier League arranged for this Sunday, Glen Cloy Rangers will host Athletico Machrie at UnderwoodPark in a game that promises to be anything but friendly!
Arran Banner Sports caught up with Rangers Manager Chris MacDonald for his thoughts on the game.
ABS "How does it feel to be playing the first fixture of the virgin Arran Premier League?"
CM "Fantastic, this could be the start of a beautiful rivalry, especially considering the spanking new Underwood Park was built on the old golf course right next to Mr Ferguson's home and he was out of the country when we put in the planning application!"
ABS "How do you rate your opponents and the other teams in the league?"
CM "I'll tell you next week and after i've played a few games! But having seen some of the squads i don't think the Panthers will be much of a challenge. The team i'm worried about are the Monkeys from Holy Isle, their manager MacPhail has years of experience and i'm led to believe his training methods have been very strict so far, he already has a good team spirit!"
ABS "How do you think the game will go this weekend?"
CM "I'm hoping for a good performance and to see what i've got to work with for the season, the result won't matter although it will be nice to win! The Standing Stoners support can expect nothing but the best in hospitality at UnderwoodPark, tea and jaffa cakes will be provided."
ABS "And finally your goals for the season ahead?"
CM "To finish ahead of a certain few rival managers but mainly to put in a good showing throughout the season, play some nice football and build the foundations of a strong team that can hopefully dominate the league for years to come...!!!"
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Arran Banner Sports
/ 2009-05-28 23:27
Holy Isle Monkeys
Arran Premier League
Manager: Discotron
Hallo! Hallo! We are the Buddhist Boys!!
The latest team to join the APL were today accused of bringing a bigoted slant to the league, something that the other members were looking to shy away from and try and enjoy a football league without religious undertones.
However, Holy Isle Monkeys' manager Discotron distanced himself from such allegations by accusing the other managers of being jealous.
"It's true to say that the other managers are envious of this great club and it's traditions, simple things like our songs and anthems. Just because they don't have any of their own? I find it laughable" responded Discotron.
This story is sure to unfold over the coming season(s) and will no doubt take up many column inches in the Arran Banner Sports section.
Meanwhile, Discotron has expressed his satisfaction at pre-season training after taking the squad to La Manga club in Spain.
"I'm just happy to be involved in pre-season training. At other clubs i've been at, i've always come in midway through the season to steady the ship. This time i can take control from the off and get the team eating my tictacs as well as building team morale. It's been a great week".
The Monkeys will hope his tictacs have been digested in time for the start of the season as the mutterings from close rivals Glen Cloy Rangers and Athletico Machrie seem to indicate that they will be looking for a strong start to their season
Time will tell if Discotron is a manager to be reckoned with or merely a stopgap who can fix a hole to stop the rain getting in.
The Holy Isle Monkeys also have a couple of free dates before the season kicks off and will be looking to tie up those dates with a couple of pre-season friendlies.
2009-05-29 00:44
Thunderguy Harriers
Arran Premier League
Manager: Qwijiboenator
Qwijiboenator Hits Out
Thunderguy Harriers boss Qwijiboenator today poured scorn on the tactics of Athletico Machrie manager Mr Jobby in his run up to pre season football.
Upon hearing that Mr Jobbie considered his side to be one of the ''diddy'' [sic] teams in the Arran Premier League, Qwijiboenator replied:
"He may consider my team to be 'inexperienced', but I would like to point out that the last time Jobby and I met [in the 08-09 season of the Barclays Premier League] I had less experience than now, and a less high profile team, and I still finished above him in the table."
He then went on to add:
"I find it quite interesting that Mr Jobby has resorted to mind games so early in the pre-season. It almost seems as if he himself is aware that he doesn't have a leg to stand on team-wise, and is trying to redress the balance through crass psychological tricks.
When then questioned on how he felt all this press attention would affect the upcoming friendly match against Benlister Rovers - the other team slated by Jobby - Qwijiboenator quipped that Mr Jobby's actions had actually been having a positive effect on both teams, as they would now be looking to prove they were more than a match for "Those shiftless hippy bastards and their standing stones."
With the start of season looming, Sunday's friendly will be a valuable look at where both teams stand in preparing for what looks set to be a heated start to the season.
When asked how he felt about his chances, the former Fluffy Buggers manager was quick to point out that there were more important objectives to focus on than victory:
"Sunday will mainly be about seeing where the lads are as a unit.When I came here they did nothing but sit around bickering over who was 'bestest', and kicking crisp packets at stray chickens. They've come a long way, and it'll be good to finally see just how far."
Benlister Rovers v. Thunderguy Harriers can be seen live at 11:00 on Sunday the 31st of May via remote viewing.
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2009-05-30 01:15
Glen Rosa Ramblers
Arran Premier League
Manager: Smegor
Rosa Rookie Ready
May I start off by saying Iam new to this game but i feel i have the relevant experience to cope with the pressures of Xpert Eleven. Starting off in the 80's with my AMSTRAD 464 i become a master of World Soccer League, then going to Champ Manager on Mega Drive were i honed my skills of nurturing young talent!!! LMA on playstation was the next step closely followed by Football Manager on My Mac. Hopefully the girlfriend wont get in the way too much of me pushing for a top 3 finish once i figure out how to manage this game with skill and commitment. All the best to all the managers in this league and may the best man win. I look forward to whipping all your asses especially at home on my newly built MillhousePark which has the potential to host 2000 sheep and almost the same amount of pheasants. WELCOME TO HELL!!!!!!
2009-05-30 22:39
Benlister Rovers
Arran Premier League
Manager: Tribute2johnny
Rovers Ready
Rookie manager Tribute2Johnny is optimistic ahead of his first game in charge with Benlister Rovers. We caught up with him earlier today.
ABS : So Mr Maclean how are you feeling before tomorrows game?
T2J : So far so good it will be interesting to see how my team performs tomorrow
thats really what the games all about. Matching up against a fellow newcomer poses an interesting challenge for my team and myself it should show how we stand against a team of similar stature.
ABS : So what do you think of the recent mental tactics being used by some of your fellow managers in the APL?
T2J :I think it's good to see maybe not so early on in the season but it's part of the game really! When things get under way it will be interesting to see were the so called diddie teams stand I think there will be some fight in us!
ABS : So being a Lamlash boy how does it feel to take control of a local team?
T2J : Oh it's fantastic being a local boy I feel a great affinity with the team and really can't wait to stick it to the sheep shaggers and those Brodick boys and there's also the derby match with the monkeys across the water!! So yeah I'm delighted with my possiton here!
ABS : Well Mr Maclean thanks for your time it's been a pleasure.
T2J : Aye cheers, and I would just like to say good luck to everyone else! You'll need it!!!!!
2009-05-31 00:00
Nags Legends
Arran Premier League
Manager: Gman11
Cheerleader Recruitment Drive
WANTED: Cheerleaders for soon-to-be-successful Nags Legends Football Club. Auditions will commence after closing time at the team's local refreshment station this weekend. No previous experience necessary although high standard of natural talent is required. Successful applicants will perform at all home matches at the mighty fortress, SandbraesPark, as well as various special occasions. The Club looks forward to meeting and appraising all budding 'Nagettes'.
2009-05-31 14:25
Glen Cloy Rangers
Arran Premier League
Manager: Djchrismac
Machrie Do A Celtic to Rangers
The first ever friendly game at UnderwoodPark ended 2 -2 between Glen Cloy Rangers and Athletico Machrie earlier today. We caught up with Rangers manager Chris Mac in the after match press conference:
ABS "Do you feel a draw was a fair result for your first game in charge?"
CM "Absolutely not, Athletico may have had the better of the first half but after my half time team talk we started playing our passing game and went 2-1 up."
ABS "But posession and shots on goal were very even, surely if...."
CM "I'll just interrupt you there Charlie, they pulled a Celtic on me! Where did Mr Luke Bribe get those extra minutes of injury time from can you tell me that?! They had four chances in the last 3 minutes, I think the ref lived up to his name he didn't blow that whistle until they had fluked an equaliser!"
ABS "Moving on, are you happy with your team's performance and what work do you see ahead of you for the coming season?"
CM "Only two of my players showed up, i thought MacFinlay played well in goals and if I can get a whole team of Alastair Fletchers then i'm looking good for the season ahead."
ABS "Next up are the Holy Isle Monkeys in your next friendly."
CM "I'm looking forward to that one, i hear the buddhists have some great weed growing up near the Monastery..."
2009-06-02 05:33
Pirnmill Panthers
Arran Premier League
Manager: Donnyb
They’re all crooks!
In a exclusive interview today the manager of the Panthers slaughtered some of the managers in the APL. Donny accused DJchrismac of throwing game’s because of his gambling problem. “How McDonald ever got a place in the APL association I’ll never know. He’s as bent as Bruno. Because of the gambling problem his team will throw games left, right and centre. He’s a joke!”
Brown then accused Neil Ferguson of brain washing his team into taking performance enhancing drugs. “Ferguson’s a disgrace to sporting integrity. I’m hoping if I get these truths out in the open something might be done about it.”
But Brown saved the most shocking revelation for last. He alleged that Gavin Martin was actually an Albanian gangster called Genta Mirjeta. “He’s in charge of trafficking young girls into the UK where they start off as cheer leaders. He then moves them on to far seedier lines of business. I could be in a lot of trouble for putting this out in the public domain.”
In the end Brown feels it’s his duty to try and bring some integrity back to the league. “I don’t really know my players yet but we’ll use a pre-season to assess the squad and identify any areas we fell we need to improve. I’m not sure if I’ll be in the transfer market or not at this point.” Brown then went on to talk about his football philosophy. “We won’t compromise our football. We’ll go about it in much the same way as Barcelona. I know there’s plenty of hammer throwing in this league but in the end I hope good football is the winner.“
2009-06-02 14:56
Athletico Machrie
Arran Premier League
Manager: MrJobby
Foreign owners know nothing!!
Today Mr Jobby took a swipe the foreign owners of football clubs.
‘It’s a worrying trend that more and more football clubs are being run by foreign owners who know little about the sport. The only thing more elusive on Arran than the Pirnmill panther is the club owner himself!! How he can have the audacity to spout out nonsense rumours from some mountain hut in Colorado is beyond me!?!?! He’s probably too busy flirting with his own relatives to realise the damage he is doing to his own club.’
As for the recent ‘friendly’ 2-2 draw against Glen Cloy Rangers Mr Jobby said this:
‘I’m disappointed by the result. The victory was there for the taking but a couple of lapses in concentration let us down. Although I admire their stadium, it was hardly a fortress. When we visit there in the league we’ll be going with the full expectation of taking all 3 points.’
Athletico Machrie’s next match in their pre-season schedule is away to the Thundergay Harriers. There has already been some friction between the two managers. Mr Jobby said this on the matter:
‘I have no time for Quijdy… Quibble… Quincy… whatever the f**k he’s called!! Yes, my team might be full of ‘shiftless, hippy bastards’ but that’s still two leagues above the chicken fuckers that his team consists of. We’ll go to that excuse of a stadium / field on Thursday and hand out a real footballing lesson.‘
Mr Jobby then stated that they have no more friendlies scheduled.
‘Yes we’re waiting patiently for the league to start. But at this rate it looks like it might take a while. I’ve been looking at the transfer market but haven’t managed to secure the any signings yet.’
2009-06-02 16:10
Thunderguy Harriers
Arran Premier League
Manager: Qwijiboenator
Chickens Won't Be Shagged!
Following another ill-advised press release from Athletico Machrie's - aptly named - Mr Jobby regarding the state of Thunderguy Harriers footballing setup, Arran Banner Sport met up with Chickens boss Qwijiboenator to see if we couldn't stir up some more shit.
ABS "So surely Qwiji, you must be fuming at the allegations of Mr Jobby regarding your team's, ahem, 'fondness' for chickens?"