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Doris A. Hurlbut

Ladies Advance 2017

Free to Love; how being deeply rooted in the Love of God enables us to Love others even in the most challenging circumstances.

Operating Premises:

Women are relational.

Relationships drive our identity.

Relationships are what we talk about.

Relationships affect our emotions.

We care about the condition of our relationships.

We all have relationships that are more challenging than others; they require more time, effort, and energy. They look a lot like hardwork.

Consider the relationships we’re engaged in…

Husband Neighbor

Child Enemy

Immediate family Extended family

Church family

Employer

Coworker

A.Positive relationships in my life begin by being deeply rooted in God’s Love.

1. How does God love me?

  1. Truthfully

God knew exactly what He was getting when He sent His only Son to purchase us.

  1. Sacrificially

God made the ultimate sacrifice so that we could enter into relationship with Him.

  1. Unconditionally

God’s decision to love us does not depend on our performance as Christians. Romans 5:8

  1. Forgiving

You cannot separate the concept and truth of God’s love from God’s forgiveness. “As far as the East is from the West”.

2. How do I become deeply rooted in God’s love for me?

  1. Timespent with Him. In His word, under His teaching, worshipping Him, with His people.
  1. Trust Him. My life; situations, people, and timing of it all. Prov3:5&6
  1. Turn to Him. Through life experiences He proves himself Faithful. “Taste and See”.

(recommend The Armor of God)

***Being deeply rooted in God’s Love for me has a positive effect on my relationships.

This whole time could be spent on the topic of forgiveness, but we’re not going to do that today.

A forgiving person choses to act as if an offense never occurred once it’s forgiven.

(recommend Surviving Friendly Fire)

  1. How do I love others “in the most challenging circumstances”?
  1. Practically

I consider how God loves me and the need to display His love toward others in the same way.

This is no small thing!!

Let’s look back at those listed way God loves us and consider how we can apply them to our relationships.

  1. Truthfully-knowing others aren’t perfect
  2. Sacrificially-puts others’ needs above our own
  3. Unconditionally-doesn’t bail on people based on what they do
  4. Forgivingly-70x7
  1. Peacefully
  1. False peacemaking patterns. (aka peacekeeping)

In the face of challenging circumstances, three responses are common that don’t promote peace;

  1. We blowup

In our frustration and anger about a person we’re

dealing with we explode right at them.Accomplished by overpowering the other person.

2.We shutup

We commit living murder by giving our challenging person the silent treatment. Have you ever been “cut off” by someone? It feels like you’re being treated as if you’re not there, as if you’re dead. Living murder.

3.We putup

We put up with the situation by pretending nothing is going on. This is a false peace. This is also known as peacekeeping. We do whatever it takes to avoid confronting issues in order to keep “peace” which isn’t actually peace at all. It is ongoing inner turmoil and does not do what is best for you or the other person. This response often involves talking to other people about the person aka gossip.

  1. True peacemaking patterns.
  1. Acknowledge it doesn’t all rest on me.

“As much as it lies within you, live peaceably among all men.” Rom 12:18

  1. Are active.

“Seek peace and pursue it.” Ps. 34:14, 1Pet 3:11

(So why don’t we do this?)

  1. Involves swallowing our pride.1Peter5:5b

4. Insists we face our Fear- what are we afraid of?

(Kathy story)

*An everyday tool for true peacemaking:

OIC

Observe

The facts regarding what is going on.

Interpret

We make initial interpretations based on a lot of factors like; what we already know about the other person’s personality and current circumstances, our own personality and current circumstances.

Clarify

Clarification is the most crucial and most frequently skipped step. When we clarify we allow for a love that “grants others the benefit of doubt”.

A little humility goes a long way here!!

A lot of relational grief could be spared if we consistently practiced this step!!

(Provide examples here)

And yet, sometimes the PEACE comes in knowing we did this part even though the relationship is not restored. Pray pray pray.

The fact that we care so much about our relationships comes in to play here. It’s a frustrating thing when you cannot ‘fix’ something you’ve tried your best to, Isn’t it?

I think we can relate to Paul’s “thorn in the flesh” here. For women, it-the thorn, may more commonly be a “whom” rather than a “what”.

(Lois story)

You cannot change someone else’s heart, but you can pray to the God who can!

(recommend Conversation Peace)

(recommend Peacemaking for Families)

3.Purposefully

I decidedly love others on purpose and for a purpose.

If they don’t know God then the purpose is to be used of God to lead them to God. Be a light.

If they do know God, my purpose is help grow them in their relationship with God. “Iron sharpens iron”

So, I am either loving people to lead them to God or loving them to draw them nearer to Him in their walk. The key here is I need to be filled with God’s love for me so that I am free to give it out to others. This is how we live; Free to LOVE.