<Head<H2>STYLE MAKES YOU WORD CONSCIOUS</Head</H2>

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<head<h2>STYLE MAKES YOU WORD CONSCIOUS</head</h2>

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<h2>CONTENTS</h2>

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<li<a href="style.htm#Style">Style Needs Defining</a>

<li<a href="style.htm#I-itis">Conquer I-itis with Effort</a>

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I am indebted to former and current students for many of these examples on this link. Thanks to the student who suggested he needed some extra help with passive writing.

<h2<a name="Style">Style Needs Defining</h2</a>

Style identifies you as a person in writing. You create a personality with your style. You may be sad; you may be happy. You may use big words; you may use small words. Your individuality shows through your style in writing. How do your words sound on paper? Tone is very much a part of style. How durable are your words? Do they last for generations to speak or read? We still remember "For Score and 20 Years Ago" and "Ask Not What Your Country Can Do," because these words are durable. Think of the fine, simple writing of Mark Twain and Jack London. It is probably instructive, at this point, to review E.B. White's elements of style as he enunciated them in Strunk's book(The Elements of Style, 4th edition):

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<li>Place yourself in the background.

<li>Write in a way that comes naturally.

<li>Write from a suitable design.

<li>Write with nouns and verbs, not adjectives and adverbs.

<li>Revise and rewrite.

<li>Do not overwrite.

<li>Do not overstate.

<li>Avoid the use of qualifiers.

<li>Do not affect a breezy manner.

<li>Use orthodox spelling.

<li>Do not explain too much.

<li>Do not construct awkward adverbs.

<li>Make sure the reader knows who is speaking.

<li>Avoid fancy words.

<li>Do not use dialect unless your ear is good.

<li>Be clear.

<li>Do not inject opinion.

<li>Use figures of speech sparingly.

<li>Do not take shortcuts at the cost of clarity.

<li>Avoid foreign languages.

<li>Prefer the standard to the offbeat.

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Students have recently asked me to talk about passive writing in a link. That situation does not represent a grammar or punctuation problem. Passive writing is considered a style question. As we think of passive writing and style, I am reminded again of the bible of style, Elements of Writing (now in fourth edition) by Strunk (Professor of English at Cornell) and White (writer for The New Yorker). E. B. White, you may remember, wrote the famous children's book, Charlotte's Web. Both of these men, before their untimely deaths, served as editors for major publications. They knew what constituted good style. They emphatically stated about the active voice in the latest edition of their book: "Many a tame sentence of description or exposition can be made lively and emphatic by substituting a transitive in the active voice for some such perfunctory expression as there is or could be heard."

<h2>Passive Writing Avoidance Requires Concentration</h2>

Let's now continue our discussion of passive writing. Passive writing means you do not activate the strongest verbs in your writing. You are content with verbs that "lay there" in the sentence. Such verbs usually mean forms of to be or have and had. Strunk and White tell us to use direct and vigorous writing. Practice becomes the best way to overcome passive writing. Therefore, let's try these exercises:

Her last option would be to accept her boyfriend's proposal.

You immediately notice in the previous sentence a form of "to be." We need to rewrite the sentence without becoming dependent on a passive verb in the future tense.

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<li>Her last option involves accepting her boyfriend's proposal.

<li> Accepting her boyfriend's proposal becomes the last option.

We see two different ways to refine the passive sentence. In the first instance, we substituted involves for the more passive, would be. In the second instance, we recast the sentence with Accepting as the major subject. That recasting allowed us write an active verb without much thought. We kept the sense of the sentence, but we gave more power to the sentence.

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<li>Communication skills are invaluable in daily life.

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How can we fix the previous sentence? We have already encountered as the passive verb, a form of to be. The trick becomes to turn are into an active verb. Also, a word, such as invaluable, can be turned into its root, value.

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<li>Communication skills increase their value in daily life.

<li>Communication skills provide value in daily life.

<li>Daily life needs communication skills.

<li>Communication skills create value in daily life.

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You can see the four attempts to rewrite the sentence present their own problems. You always have to ask yourself: Have I kept the original meaning of the sentence? Have I added a verb just to be adding a verb? Does my sentence carry more punch than the previous effort with the passive writing? Do you see how you can take a sentence with invaluable as a predicate adjective and turn that sentence to the core word, value? One of the best sentences becomes: Communication skills create value in daily life. Why does that sentence ring true? You have given the essence of the idea without the passive writing and to be. Are you getting the idea of improving your passive writing?

It's time for those proverbial exercises. In every instance, I will flag the passive verb. The exercises now occur:

<ol>

<li>My argument to that is that, despite the high cost and hard work, in the end, college pays for itself.

<li>The first stage was the mental, social, and emotional confusion and shamefulness of her situation.

<li>I was busy trying to keep good eye contact and not interrupt the student.

<li>His only concern was to pay $500 to his parents monthly, and all other expenses are taken care of by them.

<liThere were some significant questions the student has failed to consider.

<li>We had this conversation in our apartment.

<li>Helena was sometimes quite expressive, using her hands to gesture and explain what had happened.

</ol>

<h2<a name="I-itis">Conquer I-itis with Effort</h2</a>

At least one student has mentioned to me the trouble with writing too many I's within a sentence. I think students often write "I," because it is easier to follow the pronoun with an active verb. That works to a point. Eventually, I becomes an overused word in a sentence with two or three I's. Then, the reader is completely left out of the message. Let's take some typical examples of how I is spread everywhere like jam on bread:

<ul>

<li>The reason I have chosen this person as my contact is the rapport I had built with her while employed at the company.

Analysis: Two I's and a "my" create a major problem in the previous sentence. After a while, the message gets lost. Our first concern is "I have chosen this person." Couldn't chosen be changed to choosing? Now the sentence reads:

The reason for choosing this contact . . .

Analysis: We need to deal with the issue of rapport. That is a central theme in the sentence. If you say rapport, it is assumed you built the rapport. We could say: Having built rapport with this contact became the reason for choosing this person. Now, no I's are visible. "I" is assumed as the person writing the entire memo or document. Still, we need that "while employed at the company." Let's say: Having built rapport with this contact while employed at the company caused me to choose this person. It is not still completely clear where the modifier goes. Was the contact employed, or were you employed? Did you notice how "I had built with her" is now eliminated. One last round of improving the sentence now results:

<li>Having built rapport with her, while employed at the company, caused me to choose this person.

Analysis: We have now cut the original sentence to 16 words from 23. We have still written the active voice and completely eliminated the I's. The commas aid the reading to explain who was employed where. Are you ready for some exercises?

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<liI am going to interview a person in all three companies, to compare the differences and similarities.

<li>This is my first semester at the university, and I plan to continue attending this campus for two and one-half more years.

<liI am unsure what type of data collection methods and analysis methods I should use for this report.

<liI will also investigate whom I need to contact about streetlight problems.

<liI am writing this memo about the progress I am making finding a report topic.

<liI began to wonder whether I lived in a neighborhood watch area.

<li>Although I anticipate the data gathering should go smoothly, I do expect the polling of 50 families to take at least four weeks.

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First created September 9 and last updated, October 6, 1999

Please check the <a href="public1.htm">home pages</a> for additional help, including the links on grammar and punctuation, spelling, jargon and gobbledygook, and e-mail.

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