SECURITY
SIMON LEYLAND
EXT
A typical suburbanhouse, well trimmed hedges, a tidy garden and a car parked neatly in the drive. A cat walks slowly across the garden , stops . sniffs the air, looks straight at the camera and walks on again.
INT
An ordinary looking kitchen
Ablonde muscular fitness instructor is on a portable TV, Dance music pounds out, behind him thirty adoring women obediently follow his instructions.
BLONDE TV INSTRUCTOR
One and two and three and four…..legs raised…….keep them steady….. and… down. Again…. one and two and three and four two …..can you feel those muscles…?
SONIA, Pleasant looking, slightly chubby wearing a track suit with her legs in the air
SONIA (Breathlessly)
I …………don’t………know……….why…..you
…make….me.....do…..this….
Behind her running up and down on the spot is HARRY, a small dapper man in his fifties.
HARRY (staring at the TV)
Because it keeps you trim Sonia. It’s for your own good,
no wife of mine is going to get out of shape just because she is in her fifties.
SONIA
Fifty Harry, I’m just fifty
SONIA copies the actions of the women on the TV and unsteadily gets to her feet and begins swinging her arms high above her head.
HARRY
Remember how you used to be? Forever baking those giant cakes and always complaining about your weight? You can’t tell me that you were happy with yourself.
SONIA (Gasping)
Believe me Harry…I was happy…now can I (gulps for air) ….can I stop?
HARRY
OK then takes five
HARRY stops jogging and wipes his forehead with the towel around his neck
HARRY (cont)
But I want you to remember to do your exercises this afternoon to make up for yesterday.
SONIA
Yesterday! But I ……
HARRY
You missed yesterday. Didn’t you?
SONIA
I did not Harry! I swear to God…..I ….How did you find out?
In the background the TV now shows a commercial about vitamin supplements and their benefits for the over fifties
HARRY (with a smug smile) stares at her
SONIA looks longingly at the big AGA in the corner
SONIA
I wanted to do a little baking this afternoon
HARRY
How many times do I have to tell you Sonia. Sugar is a killer. Why do you think I won’t let you use the oven? Because cooking food….
SONIA (with an air of resignation)
Destroys all the nutrients. I know
SONIA slumps over the kitchen counter trying to get her breath back
HARRY (flexes his muscles and stretches)
I am off for a shower
HARRY leaves the kitchen
O.S. HARRY
It is all for your own good girl, once you let your waistline go,
there will no one to blame but yourself.
Sound of running water from the bathroom
SONIA tiptoes over to the fridge, opens the door and feels around the back of the vegetable crisper. She pulls out a piece of lemon cheesecake. She closes her eyes as she brings it to her mouth
She hears a movement and spins around with the cheesecake guiltily tucked behind her back.
HARRY is wrapped in a bath towel and watching her angrily
HARRY
You disappoint me Sonia
HARRY (sighs)
I can`t trust you for a moment. You are only hurting yourself you know.
Is it any wonder that you look the way you do? We had better double this afternoons quota of sit ups to compensate for all those extra calories.
SONIA
But I didn`t eat any Harry
HARRY
The thought, Sonia, is father to the deed. Double sit ups and give me the cake.
Sonia red faced and ashamed hands him the cake which Harry then drops into the waste bin.
HARRY starts and jerks around to the right, a vein pulses in his neck and he lets out a theatrical gasp
A cat strolls into the kitchen
HARRY (shaking with rage)
How many times have I told you that this creature is not allowed to roam around
this house! The germs you stupid woman, the germs! Are you aware of how many species of flea there are in a cats fur? If you can`t keep it locked in the garage ,
you know what will happen,,
SONIA (downcast)
It will have to be put down
HARRY
Correct, now sort it out!
HARRY grimaces and turns to leave
HARRY
And Sonia, I don`t want you going out today. McGrath is coming over
to fix new locks
SONIA
But Harry, I made arrangements to see some of the girls for coffee this morning
and we can`t possibly need more locks
HARRY
Yes we can girl. There are two windows in the attic which have only simple burglar catches, a child could break them open. This is far more important than you wasting time with those stupid women. Cancel it. I have to be at my golf lesson by noon.
HARRY grasps SONIAS shoulders and taps her head
HARRY (cont)
Hello? Anyone in there?.... Now do you understand? Stay here and let McGrath in , and make sure he does a better job than last time.
.
SONIA throws her hands up in exasperation
SONIA
What are we protecting? Whats a thief going to find worth stealing in this house
HARRY (wheedling tone)
Now , you know that I am only doing it for you. I have to protect my old girl
SONIA glares at him
SONIA
I am not your old girl
EXT
Outside the house
HARRY is dressed in a blazer with a cravat. Harry pushes the boot of the car shut and shines an imaginary mark on the boot with a handkerchief.. The cat walks onto the driveway and stares at HARRY as he gets into the car. Harry drives off narrowly missing the cat.
INT
SONIA puts the kettle on and dreamily washes up, as the kettle boils, staring out into the garden.
There is a meow
SONIA looks behind her and sees the cat
SONIA
Oh, Lulu, come here,,,,getting your mistress into trouble again.
SONIA reaches under the table and scoops up the cat and carries it towards the backdoor of the kitchen. She gently ushers the cat out into the garden.
V.O. SONIA
HARRY does not approve of you Lulu, and I wonder how long
it is going to be, before he does not approve of me
INT
SONIA and the locksmith McGrath are looking out of the dormer windows in the attic
.
McGRATH
That should hold it Mrs Adams
McGrath steps back and admires his work
McGrath( in a quiet voice)
I know that it is none of my business, but how come you got so many locks? We put double security bolts and locks on every door and window in the house, and if you don`t mind me saying so, I think that wire glass you have in the downstairs windows spoils the whole look of the house.
SONIA brushes a straying lock of hair behind her ear
1`m afraid that I have to agree with you. My husband is very security
minded and says that this is the only way a man can be sure of protecting his valuables these days.
V.O. SONIA
I wonder if that includes me
McGRATH putting away his tools
That`s fine by me, I can always do with the business. But if he is that worried he should put in a good alarm system, you know pressure pads, photo electric cells, stuff’ like that. `Course there is no real way of keeping a thief out if he is determined to get in.
SONIA smiles and closes her eyes
V.O. SONIA
Perhaps if there were special thieves who were only interested in direct outlet furniture, keep fit equipment and not forgetting threadbare carpets. Then no…..there is nothing in this house worth stealing….. We can afford to buy nice things, I remember when I wanted to buy that lovely painting to go above the fireplace….
V.O HARRY
Art is produced by fools who need money from fools who wish to be deprived by it
Flashback sequence
INT: Anordinary lounge with no furniture save for a couple of occasional tables with a few vases. In the middle of the room is a hand built exercise machine bolted into the floor. It comprises a leather topped bench press with two steel columns, across which rests a weight laden barbell. Connecting the the barbell to the columns is a homemade ratchet which allows the barbell to be raised and lowered on a fixed path.
HARRY pats the barbell
HARRY
Everything a man needs to keep his body healthy, it will save me a fortune in gym subscriptions.
SONIA (in tears)
The floor, the floor, look what you have done to the floor!
You have ruined it! It`s so ugly…….why couldn`t you have built the bloody thing somewhere else, like the garage!
HARRY
Don`t be so silly woman, the damp would ruin it, anyway what do we ever use this room for
SONIA
We could use it for entertaining……
HARRY
By entertaining, you mean listening to your brain dead friends talk about the price of soap powder and analysing episodes of sex in the City while they sit around drinking my wine….not in my house
SONIA
Right , lets turn the lounge into a gymnasium, what else do we need it for?
HARRY
You`ll see. This way the room gets put to proper use.
INT:
The attic.
SONIA is staring out of the window with a lost look on her face
McGRATH ( voice getting louder)
MrsAdams !
McGRATHtouches her shoulder causing her to start
SONIA
Sorry, miles away
SONIA smiles at McGRATH
McGRATH(sympathetically)
I`ll be off now. Tell your husband to give me a call if he wants to talk about getting an alarm system.
SONIA
I will do that. Thank you
SONIA watches his retreating back as McGRATH walks down the stairs
SONIA stands at the window and watches McGRATH`s van pull away down the drive. She looks down and sees the cat curl around her legs.
SONIA ( looks down and smiles)
Lulu, If you keep coming in here he`s going to wring your neck
SONIA picks the cat up and kisses it, the cat gives out a contented purr
SONIA
Come on, lets see if there is any tuna fish in the cupboard
INT:
The living room
HARRY is lying on the bench pushing the weight bar above his head and locks it onto the ratchet. He sits up and wipes his face with a towel
O.S. SONIA
Are you ready yet?
HARRY
I have to shower, my health comes first
SONIA enters the lounge wearing a long blue evening gown, with her hair piled up, looking very attractive.
HARRY (stands up)
You look nice Sonia, but you know my views on makeup.
It does not become you, you look cheap. Now be a good girl and take it off
HARRY walks out
SONIA just stands there with a tear in her eye
EXT
It is evening and they are standing outside their car both dressed for dinner. SONIA smoothes her dress down and HARRY locks the car and wiggles the handle for good measure. They start to walk towards a house.
SONIA
We will have to invite them back after tonight
HARRY
I don`t see why we have to
SONIA
Harry, its what people do!
HARRY looks perplexed as he rings the doorbell
INT
A large dining table with four couples sitting around it drinking coffee at the end of dinner. SONIA sits in silent shame.
HARRY (waving a fork)
And another bloody thing. What the hell are all these foreign beggars doing over here. Everywhere you see them they have their hands out expecting money. They should get jobs instead of sitting on their arses all day.….
The other wives look across the table at SONIA in silent sympathy
INT:
HARRY and SONIA are in their bedroom. SONIA is sitting on the bed. HARRY is pacing up and down. There is broken glass on the bedroom floor under the window
HARRY
I don`t believe it… the bastards….They must have used the drainpipe and come in through the window
SONIA tries to feign sleep
HARRY(angrily)
I am going downstairs to wait for the police and give them a piece of my mind. I wish you would take more interest in this instead of lying their like a beached whale.
The sound of the cat coming up the stairs makes Harry turn around
HARRY(angrily)
I thought I told you to put that bloody cat outside!
HARRY storms out the room
SONIA pulls the covers over her head
INT:
The house – upstairs
HARRY and McGRATH are walking from window to window, lifting corners of carpets and pointing to tops of doors. McGRATH writes a figure in a pad and shows it to HARRY. HARRY twitches when he sees it and reluctantly nods his head.
INT:
The kitchen
SONIA is washing up, HARRY is standing near the fridge squeezing a stress ball with each hand.
SONIA
How could have you used my money Harry?
HARRY
It`s a joint account
SONIA
You know that was my special money, you know what I was saving up for. We never had a proper honeymoon, you promised we would eventually, and now you go and waste it all on silly devices.
HARRY advances on her
HARRY (shouting)
How can I make you understand. This is not money tossed away on a frivolous trip somewhere. This is an investment in something worthwhile!
SONIA (screaming)
What is worthwhile about an alarm system designed to protect a house in which even burglars can`t find anything worth stealing!
HARRY (shouting)
This system gives us security….. Don`t you realise that someone could break in here one night and kill us while we slept! Do you want to go to bed at night wondering if you were going to be raped
SONIA (hysterical)
I don`t care! I don`t bloody care. I`m sick and tired of having to worry about all the bad things in life! Just once, just once I want to have some fun in my life!
SONIA sobs, her head dropping to her hands
SONIA
You always promised that we would take a holiday….you did promise
HARRY
How can you be so ungrateful. You know that I am only doing it for you.!
SONIA (coldly and quietly)
That …is the only thing you are not doing. All you ever think about is yourself.
HARRY drops the stress ball and raises his flattened palm to slap her.
SONIA
Go on, go ahead…. There is no difference between you
and the people you despise on the streets
HARRY`S hand falls hard across SONIA`s cheek
INT:
A burger restaurant. SONIA is sitting at a formica topped table toying with her salad. Opposite her is JACKIE, a big, loud bleached blonde who is biting into a huge cheeseburger
JACKIE
So this fella`s trying to break into my car ….in the bloody driveway if you please …
SONIA(incredulously)
What time was this then ?
JACKIE
Three o`clock in the bloody morning!
SONIA
And he got away?
JACKIE
Sure, I wouldn’t go near him. I mean, what if he had a knife or something?
JACKIE takes another bite of her burger
JACKIE(mouth full)
But I managed to scare him off
SONIA
What with?
JACKIE
One of the kids Star Wars light sabres and an omelette pan.
I think I woke the whole neighbourhood.
They both collapse in laughter
SONIA
We should do this more often you know, It`s just Harry. He does not like me going out. He`s so different these days…so intolerant.
JACKIE
You should not have let him use your money Sonia, that’s for sure.
JACKIE hefts the burger in her hand and looks at SONIA`s diet salad.
JACKIE
Hey, this burger weighs more than my first child. You should have one.
SONIA
I couldn`t . Harry would know.
JACKIE
How could he?
SONIAlowers her eyes to the plate, embarrassed.
He weighs me
JACKIE
You have got to be kidding me
SONIA
No, every Saturday before we go out jogging and………he hit me
JACKIE is so shocked she stops eating
I don`t believe I am hearing this.. Thats it girl , you are taking a holiday.
God, if Pat did that to me I would break his jaw.
JACKIE leans forward
You are going and I am lending you the money
SONIA
I can`t
JACKIE
You can and you will
SONIA(thinks it over and comes to a decision)
Sod it, you are right. I`ll pay you back whenever I can
JACKIE(picks up the burger again)
Whatever, just send me a postcard
SONIA (touched by her friends kindness)
Jackie?......
JACKIE
Yeah , I know. I`m a regular Mother Theresa
JACKIE (turns in the direction of a bored looking waitress)
Hey, could we get another drink over here?
INT:
Bedroom. The curtains are drawn. SONIA is packing her case while HARRY looks on.