Let’s Be Open About Suicide

Personal View

J.S

JS writes about losing her partner to suicide and asks for the general public and healthcare professionals in particular to be aware of just how common and devastating it is.

Please note that all name have been changed to protect the identity of people involved in this event

I must admit I knew very little about mental health conditions this time last year. Of course I had read the stories about people committing crimes when they were unwell with psychosis and people that committed suicide when they were depressed. However, I had no idea just how common it was or understood just how devastating the effects can be for everyone involved. Indeed, the latest figures show that the rate of suicide for men is 10.9 and women 3 per 100,000 of the population1. That is more common than a lot of other medical conditions we see on the wards.

A recent life event has changed my entire outlook and awareness of mental health issues. A short time ago, I arrived home from work to see my fiance Jamie lifeless and cold at the top of our stairs. He had taken his life. I sat and read his suicide note again and again and again. I felt a mixture of anger, hatred and bitterness intertwined with a huge sense of loss losing my soul-mate. But the most awful aspect of the note was reading just how devastated and lost Jamie was in his own world. His words conveyed a sense of hopelessness, failure and isolation I could not understand. Reading that he genuinely thought I would be better off without him was so difficult to take. It just provoked so many questions. How could he feel like that and hide it so well? Why did he not talk to me about it? Was it my fault for not seeing how ill he was? How could he think he was so useless and alone?

My partner had visited his GP several times before he ended his life and had written that he had tried to get better for his family with medications but they made things worse. That brought it home to me, if a fully qualified GP could have the wool pulled over their eyes by Jamie then what chance did I and our family have at picking up how low he felt? I cannot describe just how much this event has torn our family apart. I have to figure out how and when to explain to our son what happened. Jamies father died a short time afterwards after blaming himself for missing his sons’ illness. Not a day passes without me thinking I missed something or could have done something differently.

However, you have to focus on the things that you can do something about. Jamie was ill and chose to solve his problems in the only way he could see. Although I can’t help my Jamie I can help others in a similar situation. I do not want Jamie to be just another statistic and us to be another single parent family left behind by depression and suicide. I want to encourage others to be open about mental health. Can we make talking about depression as common as talking about arthritis? I know, probably unrealistic at the moment, but the current situation of secrecy and stigma is not right. Why should people have to feel so lost and alone in their world and feel that there is no-one to turn to? Is there anything we can do as healthcare professionals to improve this?

I am a nurse by profession (as was my partner) and now know that 8 of my colleagues and family friends (all healthcare professionals/students) also suffer from depression and anxiety and have done for years. No-one had ever spoken about this before Jamie passed away. In one way Jamie has helped others open up and speak about their own health and realise they are not the only ones finding things difficult.

What makes mental health more difficult to talk about? Is it the stigma or the reaction that people have? One of my partners’ friends said that if he had a physical health condition that caused him the same physical symptoms of insomnia, weight loss, nausea, and chronic pain he would talk about it to friends and colleagues. But its depression. It’s somehow different.

I am a general staff nurse and am afraid I do not have all the answers. However, in a way this article (apart from being important for me to write as part of my bereavement process) is a plea for people, in particular those in healthcare background, to be aware that suicide is not a problem that is uncommon and just to ask people questions2. Not only the patients we see in the clinic but colleagues, friends and family. The more we ask, the more we may help people talk about the issues that are distressing them so badly2. Thanks.

References

1)World Health Organization (2011) Suicide rates per 100,000 by country, year and sex. Accessed at 2012-12-03.

2)Depression Alliance Website (2012). Accessed at 2012-12-03.