Meeting Time: 9.15 am for 9.45 am – 11.45 am on the 2nd Tuesday each Month.
Venue: Ravenswood Hotel, WA, 6208 Telephone number: 9537 6054
President:Daryl Makin 9537 8310Vice President:Sandy Bartle 9537 7775
Immediate Past President:Lorraine Hume 9537 8070(and Inter Club Activities & Liaison)
Secretary:Shirley Boyd 9537 7066Treasurer:Lloyd Bevis 9537 7419
Membership & Welfare:Elaine Aylmore 9537 8327Programmes:Neil Fitch 9531 2161
Assets & Property:Tom Hoffman 9537 6526Activities:Elizabeth Ford 9537 6979
Club Historian: Tom Hoffman 9537 6526 Auditor: Brian Sydney-Smith 9537 8847
Newsletter Editor: Penny Hoffman 9537 6526 or e-mail to
Web site:
PROBUS GENERAL MEETING - Tuesday 14thNovember, 2006
62 members in attendance, 1 visitor, 5 apologies
Appearing fit and relaxed after his pilgrimage to Paradise beach (see page 2), President Daryl Makin opened today’s meeting and welcomed visitor Jan Murray, who with husband Ken is considering Probus membership. In addressing the incoming correspondence, Secretary Shirley Boyd drew attention to Probus News and Notes and the Probus WA AGM which will be held on 30th March, 2007. Nominations for the State Committee must be submitted by 31st January. Shirley reported that resignations have been received and accepted with regret from John and Kim Morgan, from Robyn Mason and from Judith and Dean Gaskell. Reports were presented, including an excellent Power Point presentation by Lorraine Hume on arrangements for Thursday’s South West Get-Together. It is anticipated that there will be an attendance of 253 – payment has been received from 218 Probus members from 9 different Clubs and the band (Silver Threads) has a membership of 35. President Daryl has requested that Murray District members give due consideration to Club positions for the coming year. The raffle was drawn by our visitor Jan and won by Treasurer Lloyd Bevis. In closing the meeting, Daryl requested that members note a change in starting time for the meeting on December 12th. To accommodate the Ravenswood Hotel with another function that day, the December Probus meeting will commence at 9.15 a.m. and close promptly at 11.30.
Guest Speaker – Barry Downes from Freedom Travel
His topic: Australian Travel: WA and Beyond
In the absence of Programmes Officer Neil Fitch, Lloyd Bevis introduced our guest speaker BarryDownes. In turn, Barry introduced us to his company, Freedom Travel, a Western Australian owned company that has been operating for 14 years. Freedom Travel specialises in ‘tours’ ranging from day tours, Theatre packages and extended interstate tours, to overseas escorted holidays. Of special interest are the all-inclusive Senior’s Packages and Probus Exclusive Tours. Travelling on a combination of rail, boat and coach permits a wider range of activities andour appetites were whetted with a 10-minute film transporting us through the beauty and magic of New Zealand. An escorted journey to the wonders of Egypt and Dubai, followed – beginning with ‘collection from your own front door’! There was further temptation in the form of a Mauritius Tourism Authority Film – the exotic lifestyle that is Mauritius is only an 8-hour direct flight from Perth. Barry brought us back to earth (or should I say, to Ravenswood,) with some general and sensible travel tips. He warned against travelling without Travel Insurance and emphasised the need to be up-to-date with changes to Duty Free Allowances and Hand Baggage Restrictions. George Ford thanked Barry for taking us on such an informative journey and presented him with the usual token of appreciation. A spot prize, presented by Barry in the form of a Freedom Travel Bag, was won by Joyce Campbell.
Examples from an Irish Medical Dictionary!
Artery: The study of paintings Barium: What doctors do when patients die Coma: A punctuation mark
The Newsletter is private and confidential for Probus use only and not to be used for any other purpose
EDITORIAL: This will be the last time I will have the opportunity to ‘write’ to you all for 2006. It’s just 5 weeks to Christmas and in 3 weeks Tom and I will be winging our way to the United Arab Emirates where we will join our daughter and her family for this time of Christian celebration. This is a very special time for us as it will be our very first Christmas with 6-year-old Nicholas. It will also be memorable in a land where at least 80% of the population is Muslim, and only 9% is Christian. Most of our time will be spent in the capital city, Abu Dhabi - approximately 1½ hour’s drive from the commercial capital of Dubai – where the Federal Constitution declares that Islam is the official religion of the country but provides for freedom of religion in accordance with established customs. My understanding is that there will be carols in the shopping malls and no shortage of ‘decorations’ for sale in the shops. Are we too politically correct in Australia? The December newsletter will be in the more than capable hands of David Smeeton. Thank you David. I will see some of you at the Probus Christmas Dinner. To all of you I wish, from Tom and me, a safe and happy Christmas season and a healthy, prosperous and peaceful 2007. Penny Hoffman

FORTHCOMING EVENTS

Monday
4thDecember /

Christmas Dinner at Silver Sands Tavern

The costis$38 per head. The price includes the meal with suitable music for background and for dancing. It also includes a bus – enough for 57 people to and from the Tavern. Please let Elizabeth Ford know if you want to be included in the bus.
Australia Day
Friday
26th January, 2007 / Australia Day Partyat 30 Sunland Avenue (home of George and Elizabeth Ford)
Cost: $10 per person Time: 11.30 for 12 00 noon
Please bring your own meat anddrink – and a chair!
George and Elizabeth will provide salads and sweets
Plenty of parking will be available in the open area beside the Ford’s house.
Congratulations to Lorraine, her Committee and all Murray District Probians who worked so hard towards a very successful occasion on Thursday 16th November. The South West Get-Together has come and gone but memories will linger for many months to come. A full report is on page 3 of the newsletter and photos of the event will be available on the web-site in the near future. Thank you to Prue, Diana and Raylee for forwarding their excellent photos which are being added to those taken by the Club Historian. Any further contributions will be gratefully received.
I have just returned from Paradise !
Before you think that I have been reincarnated, achieved martyrdom, or succumbed to religion, let me explain that I have been spending time on Paradise beach, a back beach at Coral Bay where the Boyds and Makins escape for a three week pilgrimage each year. (Oh dear, there I go getting carried away again).
This idyllic holiday spot should not be visited during “the high season” especially school holidays but is recommended for R & R away from meetings / family / and any responsibilities. You can access TV / telephone / papers and other comforts of civilization if you wish but the value is the restful isolation of deserted beaches fringed by coral reefs, brightly coloured (tame) fish, turtles and other large aquatic animals. Add perfect weather, and a warm iridescent blue sea. So what do you do for three weeks? Seven words explain – and mix up the order each day – eat, drink, read, talk, walk, sunbath and (take) siestas. Paradise beach is 1300k north from Murray, so if pulling a caravan it is best to take two overnight stops. Food and petrol can be expensive so stock up at Carnarvon (very cheap at the plantations). The controversial up market hotel development is fortunately on hold, so we booked into the caravan park again for next year. One recommendation – don’t tell too many of your friends but Probians are welcome to join us if you can teach Daryl and myself to fish! Roger Boyd
AN AUSSIE LOVE STORY
An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite Anzac bickies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen.
Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite Anzac bickies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Aussie wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this worlda happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in rumpled posture. His aged and withered hand trembled towards a biscuit at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife with a spatula.
"Get lost!” she said, "They’re for the funeral."
Dilate: To live longer Enema: Not a friend Fibula: A small lie Genital: Not a Jew
SOUTH-WEST GET-TOGETHER
November 16th, 2006
Hosted by the Combined Probus Club of Murray Districts
The gods smiled kindly on Redcliffe Barn at the Murray River Country Estate on the morning of Thursday 16th November. The weather wasmild and the flies were few – the only buzzing and humming coming from the Murray District ‘busy bees’ as they ensured all was in place for the arrival of their guests. Coaches transported Probians and their Presidents from the Clubs of the South West region – MargaretRiver, Dunsborough, Busselton, Vasse, South Bunbury and South Bunbury Ladies, Bunbury and Bunbury Ladies, Eaton and Collie. There were visitors from the new Combined Club of Mandurah and special guests, Elsie and Keith Waghorn (West Australian delegate to Probus Centre – South Pacific), had travelled from Perth. Sadly, State President Lois Bown was an unavoidable, last minute, apology but we were pleased to welcome Joyce Taylor, SW Representative for ProbusWA and our local parliamentary representative, Murray Cowper. When the 35-member Silver Threads Band arrived it was time to let the fun begin. As 220+ Probians, armed with ‘show bags’ and many sporting Alcoa caps, enjoyed coffee and Danish pastries, Murray Districts Club President, Daryl Makin, officially welcomed all visitors before handing over proceedings to MC’s George Ford and David Smeeton who were resplendent in formal Fire Officer uniform and pirate costume respectively. As the band stirred up memories with tunes of yore, Probians tested their competitive skills in ‘Knocking Down Cans’, pinpointing the treasure on the magnificent Treasure Island Map and attempting the Probian Quiz, eventually won by Elsie Waghorn. John and Evelyn Bracey from Busselton demonstrated their prowess at BOCCE while Bernadette Campbell from MargaretRiver was champion golfer. In this idyllic setting beside the Murray River, the morning seemed to vanish in a flurry of activity and it was soon time to enjoy a BBQ lunch provided by Redcliffe Barn. Overcast skies appeared threatening in the early afternoon but there was no dampening of spirits as the band played its final numbers, the fortunate winners of the lucky draws were announced, there was ‘tasting’ of wine provided by Evans and Tate and speeches of appreciation were given. As farewells were being made to those preparing for the long drive south the heavens opened and dashed any hope of further ‘games’ and entertainment to complete the day’s activities. There was no question however that the day had been a successful, enjoyable occasion. Well done Murray Districts. And well done Lorraine Hume, Val Green and the very capable committee who worked tirelessly to achieve a memorable 2006 South West Get-Together. Penny Hoffman
45 YEAR MARRIAGE
A husband and wife go to a counsellor after 45 years of marriage. The counsellor asks them what the problem is. The wife goes into a tirade, listing every problem they have ever had in the 45 years they've been married. She goes on and on and on. Finally, the counsellor gets up, goes around the desk, embraces the woman and kisses her passionately. The woman shuts up and sits quietly in a daze. The counsellor turns to the husband and says, "That is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do that?"
The husband thinks for a moment and replies, "Well, I can get her here Monday and Wednesday; but on weekends, I hunt.
Did you know: Men can read smaller print than women can: Women can hear better than men. Perhaps that is the reason for such stories as these:
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor who was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said: ‘Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.’ The gentleman replied, ‘Oh I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to their conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!’
AND - Three old guys are out walking. First one says, ‘Windy, isn’t it?’ Second one says, ‘No, it’s Thursday!’ Third one says, ‘So am I. Let’s go get a beer.’
Hangnail: Coat Hook Impotent: Distinguished, well-known Labour Pain: Getting hurt at work
Morbid: Higher offer Node: Was aware of Outpatient: A person who fainted Pap Smear: A fatherhood test
Rectum: Dang near killed ‘em Seizure: Roman Emperor Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the airport
BIRTHDAY CONGRATULATIONS
for the month of
NOVEMBER
Joy Campbell
Pam Castle-Mann
Ellen Gordon
Jim Hill-Warner
Judith Gaskell
November Birthstone:
Citrine and Topaz
November Flower: Chrysanthemum
If you are aware of a special birthday or anniversary that has not been acknowledged -
Contact Elaine Aylmore! / FORTHCOMING
Hosts for the December meeting will be
Annette Jamvold
and Robin Hume
The next management committee meeting will be held on
Monday 27th November
at 1.30 p.m.
at the home of
Sandy Bartle
9 Heron Place, Murray Lakes
The speaker
for the general Probus meeting on 12th December
will be
Lisa Gairdner
Community Development Officer, Murray Shire / WELFARE
It is pleasing to note that members have been returning from their various holidays ‘abroad’ looking fit and relaxed. However, if you hear of any member who is ‘not so fit’ and would appreciate some Probian fellowship please notify Elaine
Congratulations
to
Millie and Chubby Smith
who celebrated their 50th Wedding Anniversary on 10th November.
This month’s raffle was won by
Lloyd Bevis
PLEASE NOTE:
The general Probus meeting on 12th December will commence at 9.15 a.m.
Christmas Lunch commitments at the Ravenswood Hotel have made it necessary for our December Probus meeting to conclude promptly at 11.30 a.m. Commencement time for the meeting has been brought forward accordingly.
PROBUS WEB SITE
The link to the Murray Districts Probus web site is found on page 1 of your newsletter. Please contact Tom Hoffman for further information (including the password to the ‘members page’)
THERE WERE TWO NUNS:
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM)and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us forthe past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutesat the most!
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the onlylogical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way andI'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and isworried about what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened.The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me.
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to runas fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a manwith his pants down.
And for those of you, who thought it would be dirty,say two Hail Marys!
Tumour: More than one Urine: Opposite of “you’re out” Varicose: Nearby

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