Series: Running On Empty
Message # 8 : Keeping My Marriage Filled With God’s Love – May 25 , 2008
What Happens When I Look To My Husband or Wife To Meet My Love Need ?
1. I will drain my husband or wife emotionally.
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him. Male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27
…God is love …We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:16 , 19
We were created by God to experience his love and express his love.
God designed us in such a way that we would depend upon him
to have our deep love need met.
Misplaced dependency will leave a husband or wife completely miserable.
Looking to my husband or wife to meet my love need will leave us both empty.
God gives us a husband or wife not to fulfill us but so we can fulfill his plan.
The Lord God said, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
Genesis 2:18
God gives us a husband or wife not to complete us but to come beside us.
2. I will be disappointed continually.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick. Proverbs 13:12
The reason we will become disappointed is because we are depending on someone to do something they were not designed to do.
Unmet expectations leave us feeling unfulfilled and unhappy.
When my husband’s or wife’s actions to not conform to my expectations I get angry.
3. There will be d istance between us eventually.
…they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. Genesis 3: 8
The further away I get from God spiritually,
the further away I get from my husband or wife relationally.
As I get further away from God and his word
by following the ways of the world, my marriage will begin to fall apart.
Rather than hiding from God, couples must hide God’s word in their hearts.
We must read God’s word, repeat God’s word,
recall God’s word, and release God’s word into our marriage.
By coming together spiritually through prayer, reading God’s word, and attending church together we will draw closer to each other relationally.
By concentrating on each other’s flaws and failures,
we will create distance between each other.
The man said, “…the woma n you put here with me…” The woma n said, “The serpent deceived me…” Genesis 3:12-13
Rather than confessing our own faults and failures, our sins, we criticize our husband or wife.
I can attack my husband or wife for his or her flaws and failures,
or I can accept him or her and express forgiveness.
Rather than attacking my husband or wife, I need to ask God to change me. Rather than attacking my husband or wife, maybe I need to apologize to him or her for my critical attitude asking for forgiveness.
An unhealthy marriage is about us desiring to get love from our husband or wife, which leaves us unhappy. A healthy marriage is about us desiring to give love to our husband or wife, which creates happiness.
Two Ways To Give Love To One Another
1. Look for ways to help your husband or wife.
You my brothers were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather serve one another in love …If you keep biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be devoured by each other. Galatians 5:13-15
Your attitude should be the same as Jesus: Who…made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant …humbled himself…Therefore God exalted him to the highest place…
Philippians 2:5-9
We will have great satisfaction in our marriage when we concentrate on serving one another in love. Yet, we will have serious problems in our marriage when we are selfishly focused on ourselves and our husband’s or wife’s flaws.
2. Look for God’s ways from his word to handle difficulties with your husband or wife.
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all of these virtues put on love… Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body, you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly… Colossians 3:12-16
God’s word will change my life and my marriage if I commit to consistently learning and living according to his word.
Look up these verses this week, Philippians 4:4-9 and James 1:19-25, learn them, and commit to living according to them and see if there is not positive change in your life and marriage over time.
Recommended Reading : I Promise by Dr. Gary Smalley