Effective Communication and Assertiveness

Session 6

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION AND ASSERTIVENESS

EXERCISES

Table 1.THREE TOOLS FOR EFFECTIVE LISTENING

THREE TOOLS FOR EFFECTIVE LISTENING
Asking for Clarification communicates interest. One might say, "You were making an important point. Could you please give me an example of what you were saying?"
Repeating What You've Heard in your own words identifies and addresses misunderstandings. For example, one might say, "If I understood you correctly, you feel that you are being discriminated against because of your disability." Rephrasing allows you to express what you believe you have heard and for the other to correct any misunderstanding. In this example, the other person might respond, "No, that's not exactly what I was saying. What I meant was that my supervisor does not completely appreciate my disability-related needs."
Stating What You Believe the Other Person is Feeling allows you to listen for what's not being stated. In this instance, you might say, "If I had a supervisor like yours, I'd be feeling pretty frustrated, too." Or, you might say, “Do I hear you saying that you are feeling disappointed that your supervisor doesn’t really understand?”

Table 2.You Statements vs. I Statements

You Statements vs. I Statements
You / I
You are disgusting and irresponsible when you drink alcohol. / When you drink alcohol, I feel frightened and disgusted.
You are rude not to call when you are going to be late. / I feel angry and worried when you don't call to let me know that you are going to be late.

Table 3. Assertiveness

Assertiveness
•Non-Assertive Behavior
–denying your own rights
–"I'm wrong, you're right."
•Aggressive Behavior
–infringing on the rights of others
–"I'm right, you're wrong."
•Assertive Behavior
–simple, straight-forward expression of one's beliefs, feelings and opinions
–"I believe that each of us has a lot to offer here..."

Table 4.Personal Bill of Rights for Women with Disabilities

Personal Bill of Rights for Women with Disabilities
I have the right...

to dignity and self-respect

to have my needs met

to determine my own lifestyle (beyond survival)

to change my mind

to ask for what I want

to feel good about myself

to be proud of my disability

to receive accommodation in public places

to have my needs be as important as those of others

to ask for information

to decline assistance from others

to choose not to assert myself

to make mistakes and be responsible for them

Table 5.Tips for Learning to Say NO

Tips for Learning to Say NO

Start your answer with the word "no"

Speak in a firm voice

Keep your answer short and clear

Do not send double messages

Remember that you have the right to say no

Practice

Be prepared

Do not say no when there is a valid reason to say yes

Do not say no when you want to say yes

Exercise 1: WHAT WOULD YOU SAY?

Directions: Please think about or write down what you would say or do in the following situations, using assertive communication.

Imagine you came home from work, and you are especially tired and needing to relax. Your friend calls you and wants you to go shopping with her. You respond:

______

Your attendant comes to work in an angry mood. She slams the door and throws her purse down and mumbles a complaint. You respond:

______

You feel that your spouse or friend has not been spending the amount of time with you that you desire. Your action is:

______

You are in a restaurant. Your enchilada dinner is served cold. You say:

______

You discover that a nearby restaurant does not have adequate restroom accommodations for your needs as a woman who uses a wheelchair. Your action is:

______

Action Plan for Week 6

Action Plan
This week I will:
How much or how long:
When:
How many times during the week:
How confident are you that you can accomplish this?
1____2____3____4____5____6____7____8____9____10
not at allextremely
confidentconfident

Action Plan Progress Report for Week 6

Action Plan Progress Report
For every day this week, please make a note of whether or not you did what you planned to do on that day. Add any comments about the experience, such as what encouraged you to do it, any barriers you encountered, or how you felt at the end of the day.
Day 1
Day 2
Day 3
Day 4
Day 5
Day 6
Day 7

Session 6, Page 1