Abby Betsinger – IT HAPPENED TO ME

1Meth became a part of my life when I was 19 years old. I was instantly hooked -- there was none of that "only on the weekends," or "I'll only stay up for two days." I eventually tried to do that, but control was impossible. I was powerless over meth; I just didn't realize it or wouldn't admit it at the time. I couldn't quit.

/ We've all seen the egg and frying pan commercials, or the junkies on the street downtown. We all know what could happen to our health years later, but we light up that cigarette anyway. /

2I used almost every day for seven months and then I hit bottom. Seven months. That’s all it took for me to lose everything. When I started using meth, the only thing I knew about it was that it was a drug. At the time, I had the mentality that "it" wasn't going to happen to me. We've all seen the egg and frying pan commercials, or the junkies on the street downtown. We all know what could happen to our health years later, but we light up that cigarette anyway. We all think “It's not going to happen to me.” In the end, “it” did.

3 Over the next seven months, meth became the most important thing in my life. Everything I did, I did to get more meth, to stay high. I didn't know what else to do. I stopped talking to my family because I didn't want them to know I was using. I went to work

/ I changed my values so they matched my behavior; it was "right" if it got me high. /

high and I was tired because I hadn't slept in days. I only called my mom after I'd slept and only to borrow money. I wasn't able to pay my car payment, car insurance, rent, or any other bills because I spent my money on meth. I lost sixty pounds because I didn't eat when I was high. Showering and brushing my teeth regularly didn’t happen. Maintaining my hair and makeup twenty-four hours a day for a week was impossible for me, so I just quit doing it. I used people and manipulated people for more meth. I began to consider dancing so I could have more money to buy meth.I changed my values so they matched my behavior; it was "right" if it got me high. I tried to jump out of a car moving at over seventy miles per hour, and yet I did more meth. I blacked out and hallucinated, and yet I kept getting high. Some would say I had a choice: meth or a life -- and I chose meth. Before I used that first line,

/ I knew that if I didn't do something, meth was going to kill me. I was living in a prison created by myself,
for myself. /

4 I did have a choice. After that, I was in the grip of a disease more powerful than myself. I lived to use and used to live. There was no choice, I had to get high. I did anything to get more meth. I even went to jail for meth.

This is where I got my first dose of humility.Everyone I used with had been to jail because of meth; whether it was possession or something stupid they had done while on meth. I flat out told people I didn't have a meth problem because I'd never gone to jail. The people I used with didn't have a place to live, a car, a phone, electricity or heat, and until the end, I had those things. I compared myself to others to prove I wasn't an addict. I was wrong. And as I sat in jail, coming down -- I finally admitted I was an addict. The way I was living was hopeless; I was barely surviving. I knew that if I didn't do something, meth was going to kill me.I was living in a prison created by myself, for myself.

meth – synthetic narcotic drug similar to heroin

hooked – závislý, být na drogách

hit bottom – spadnout až na dno

stay high – zůstat zfetovaný

black out – ztratit vědomí, mít okno

in the grip – vzajetí

dose – dávka

humility – pokora

flat out – otevřeně, do úplného vyčerpání

Questions:

1. What’s the idea behind the phrase “only on the weekends“?

2. What did Abby think about drugs before she started using? Did she know anything about meth?

3. How did drug abuse change Abby’s behaviour?

4. Did she always had a choice of what to do with her life?

5. How was she trying to prove she wasn’t an addict?

6. How would you explain the very last sentence?