No More Crazy Girl
Calming down, moving up
MADELINE LEGISTER
“You’re crazy, you have problems, and you need to go an institution for crazy people,” Feliz said. We were in elementary school and our teacher had just stepped out.
“Leave me alone, fat boy, you need to go to fat camp!” I replied in an angry voice. Feliz liked to make fun of me, so I decided to make fun of his belly. Soon, everybody in the class was laughing at him. But Feliz kept saying, “Crazy, crazy, crazy! You’re going mad, Loca!”
The others students started looking at me like I was crazy for real. I couldn’t take it anymore. I got up from my chair really angry; my eyes went white and my body felt hot. I took that chair and threw it at him. Next thing you know, I was on top of him punching him, and the teacher ran back into the room screaming, “Madeline, get off of him, get off!” I ended up getting suspended for a week, but I didn’t feel bad at all. I never even apologized to Feliz.
That was in Panama, where I grew up. Ever since I was little, I was known as the bad and crazy girl in school. I passed all my classes but I was always in trouble for something, like fighting or screaming at someone. My attitude was: If you were down to fight, I was down to fight too. I was a strong little girl, very confident and hot-tempered, especially when people picked on me.
I calmed down in middle school a little bit, but I liked playing jokes on the teachers and students. For instance, the girls in school had been learning about periods and things like that, and our teacher had given us pads. So, one day, before the teacher came to class I took one of those pads and colored it with a red marker to make it look like blood, and then I stuck it to the chalkboard. When the teacher came in, she saw it and started to scream like a crazy women.
The Big Move
Then, just before I turned 14, we moved to the United States. That was a turning point in my life as a student. Suddenly, I was around all new people and a new language. I couldn’t say the things I wanted to say, so I became much quieter, and that helped me learn to control myself and think things through before reacting.
As I moved through 8th, 9th, and 10th grade, I made new friends, and these friends were different from the friends I’d had back in Panama. Before, my friends had been really loud. We would argue with each other even if we knew we were wrong. But here, my new friends are very quiet. They will do anything to be far away from the trouble or drama. My new best friend Franchy, for example, concentrates on her schoolwork and easily recognizes when she is wrong.
Franchy and my other new friends don’t like it when I fight or when I say I’m going to slap the sh-t out of someone. Franchy will say, “Shut up, you’re just saying that ’cause you’re mad. You don’t need to slap nobody.” I still get angry if people start to bother me, but I’ve learned how to ignore them in class.
I think that they were the type of friends I needed to stay out of trouble. Now I am a very silent girl. I raise my hand in class instead of screaming the answers. I still have a hot temper, but when I feel like I’m going to slap someone, I step out of the class for a moment to calm down.
image by YC-Art Dept
Growing Up
As I got older, I also realized that I wanted to be somebody important in life. That meant focusing more on school. In Panama, the teachers were patient with me, even though I got in trouble a lot. They used to tell me, “You have a great potential, use it for something good.” Then they would push me—they helped me in the morning to do my homework and all that—but I never actually believed that I had that potential that they were talking about until I got to high school.
My mom was the biggest reason I decided to change my life and focus more on the future. For a school project, I had to ask my mom about her education. My mom didn’t graduate from high school. My mom’s dad died when she was growing up, and she was always moving around. My dad did finish high school, but didn’t go to college. As I matured, I realized that my parents wanted the best for me, and that is why they have dedicated themselves to giving me opportunities that they didn’t have.
First to Go to College
It also dawned on me that public school in New York gave me a lot of opportunities that I hadn’t had before. For example, in Panama my dad had to pay for me to go to school and to buy textbooks, but in New York, public school is free and they let you borrow the books. I decided I wanted to use this opportunity to accomplish something bigger than high school—I wanted to be the first in the family to go to college.
I started taking school more seriously in 9th grade. I had been a good student before, but now that I started focusing more I discovered my strengths: I loved doing research and sometimes working in groups (as long as the group is ready to work and they are not playing around). I became more attentive in class; I was the student that would tell everybody to be quiet because I wanted to learn something. Over time, I started getting recognized for being a good student instead of a troublemaker.
“Congratulations, Madeline,” Ms. Jaime said after class one day in 10th grade. It was the first time I had made the honor roll. At lunch my two best friends congratulated me, too, and I hugged them tight, knowing that their influence was partly what had helped me. The entire day I was getting congratulations from my friends and teachers and it was the most exciting day of my life. I was so happy I couldn’t stop smiling.
Moving to the U.S., making new friends, and getting better grades helped me discover this potential that I’d never fully recognized in myself. I realized that if I dedicated my time to doing good things, I would get what I wanted and accomplish what my parents couldn’t. I can choose the kind of life that I want. I no longer go around blaming people for my mistakes.
The fighter spirit that I had is still there, but these days, someone has to push me to the limit in order for that fighter to come out. Now, when I look back on all the trouble I caused in elementary school, I feel really bad that I took things so far. When I see kids doing the same things that I used to do—fighting, pulling pranks, and teasing each other—I feel like they are not realizing the big opportunity that they have, and that many others kids would like to be in their position.
I had to see what my parents went through to realize what I wanted in the future. I had to be encouraged and challenged by my friends and teachers to realize my full potential.