The Root of Addiction
Understanding What Causes Addiction
Our Human Needs: All people have five basic needs that must be filled.
- Survival
- Freedom
- Uselessness
- Love
- Self Identity
If a person does not fulfill these then they might experience a perception of being less than those around them. They lose their sense of being equal to others and begin to experience feelings of not being good enough.
The individual’s mind focuses on the Basic Needs that are not being fulfilled, which results in the Hurt Cycle.
Thoughts of being hurt turns to blame (the individual will find a target).
Why areyou doing this to me? Or,it’s all your fault.
When blaming others for the lack of the fulfillment of one or more of the Basic Needs doesn’t make the perception of inequality (fear) go away, the thought turns to anger.
When anger doesn’t make the fear go away, the thought of anger turns to guilt.
When guilt (blaming oneself) doesn’t make the fear go away, the thoughts and feelings turn to shame. Shame is a decision that I not only have done something thatis wrong, but I AM WRONG.
As the feelings and the thoughts continue to grow, state of apathy (repressed rage) sets in and the state of victim set in.
Do what you want to do, I don’t care what happens.
Just leave me alone.
The person will try to stay there until they finally settle into depression (anger turned inward) or erupt into hostility and rage.
LOOK OVER THE FOLLOWING LIST TRAITS AND CHECK THEONESTHATCOULD POTENTIALLYAPPLY TO YOU:
- FEELING IRRIATED BECAUSE OF SOMEONE IMPERFETIONS OR INSENSTIVITIES.
- SULKING WHEN I RELIZE OTHERS DON’T AGREE WITHMY VIEWS OR PERFERENCES.
- REMAINING FRUSTRATED BECAUSE OF THE UNFAIR CIRCUMSTANCES I ENCOUNTER.
- THIKING CRITIAL THOUGHTS ABOUT PEOPLE’S QUIRKS.
- FRETTING ABOUT MINOR DETAILS INVOLVED IN MY DAILY TASKS.
- CHOOSING TO PROCRASTINATE ON THOSE JOBS I DISLIKE.
- SPEAKING WORDS OF COMPLAINT BEHIND A PERSON’S BACK.
- PROMISING TO DO A FAVOR, THEN RESENTING THE FACT THAT I HAVE TOO MUCH TO DO.
- AVOIDING PEOPLE I PROBABLY NEED TO COMFRONT.
- STRUGGLING WITH IMPATIENCE.
- SPEAKING IN SHARP TONES.
- WITHDRAWING FROMPEOPLE, EVEN WHEN I KNOW I PROBABLY SHOULDN’T.
- FEELING HURT WHENPERSON FAILSTORECONIZEMY NEEDSOR PERCEPTIONS.
- BEING DISILLUSIONED AS IWITNESS THEREPEATEDIMPECTIONSOF PEOPLEIWANT TOADMIRE.
- HOLDING RESNTMENTS REGARDING OTHERS’ INSENTSITIVITIES TOWARD ME.
CAN YOU SEE HOW MULTIDIMENSIOANL ANGER CAN BE? YES, A SHOUTING OR OPENLY DISRUPTIVE PERSON IS ANGRY, BUT THAT IS NOT THEONLY WAY ANGER CAN BE EXPRESSED. WHEN YOU CATCH YOURSELF IN ONE OF THE ABOVE BEHAVIORS, PARTICULARLY IF YOU BEHAVE THIS WAY REPEATEDLY, YOU CAN BE ASSURED THAT ANGER IS ALIVEWITHIN YOUR PERSONALITY.
Removing The Blocks That Hold You Back
ThreE-Stage Process
STAGE 1 – bREAKING THROUGH THE DENIAL CYCLE BY ADMITING THERE IS REAL PROBLEM:
- Denial – Admiting there is a REAL problem.
- Bargaining –Let’s make a deal
- Anger – Expressed as hotility, resentment, and/or depression
- helplessness – nothing will ever change… it is hopeless.
- acceptance – now we deal with reality and goonwithlife.
stage 2 –education through understanding:
- the true nature of theproblem
- learning how to think
- making new decisions
- taking action
- having accountability
stage 3 –ongoing support by maintaining and continuing the decision process by participating in an enviroment that is:
- based on principles
- implementing a new way of thinking
- discovering the true nature of one’s self