YOUR RIG OR MINE?
Screenplay by Bridget Reilly
Sequel to See You Later, Mary Freighter!
INT. MARY'S LIVING ROOM--EVENING
FS a large hand-painted banner which is hanging on the wall above the bedroom door. It reads: "EAT, DRINK AND BE MERRY, FOR TOMORROW I GET EVICTED!"
Then the camera moves out to a wide shot of the entire room. There are at least a dozen people, including the familiar main characters plus several others who are a combination of MARY's neighbors, friends and relatives. Because there are only two chairs, most of them are either standing, sitting on the floor, or dancing to music which is playing on the stereo. There are bowls of munchies all around the room, and most people are drinking beer and visibly buzzed. Now we see that MARY and ECKHARDT, who are about equal in size, have also taken to wearing matching outfits: both are dressed in grey jeans and white t-shirts.
Several beats of this, then the camera moves in closer on RUFUS and TONY who are engaged in an arm-wrestling match, sitting on the floor with their arms propped up on the coffee table. They are in a solid deadlock with both their forearms straight-up vertical.
Now BECKY, who is sitting in one of the chairs, plunks down a five-dollar bill.
BECKY
I'm bettin' five on Tony.
Then MARY, who is standing watching them, plunks down another bill.
MARY
OK, I'll bet five on Rufus.
Now everyone turns their attention to the pair, who still appear to be evenly-matched in strength as they struggle mightily for several more long moments.
Then TONY lets out a groan as his arm finally buckles.
TONY
Damn!
The other guests give RUFUS a little polite applause.
MARY
You're gettin' flabby, Tony; you need to work out some more.
BECKY
And I gotta quit doin' this or I'll be broke pretty soon.
Now LAURIE, who is sitting in the other chair, chimes in with a laugh.
LAURIE
Yep, I think you're a candidate for Gambler's Anonymous now!
BECKY glares at her in disgust.
BECKY
If that was true it wouldn't be funny.
Meanwhile, MARY scoops up the five-dollar bills and puts them into her pocket.
TONY stuffs a handful of pretzels in his mouth as if he needs fortification after that ordeal, and washes it down with a good slug of beer.
RUFUS smirks at TONY as he can't resist gloating a little.
RUFUS
Not bad for a college boy, huh?
TONY sets his beer down.
TONY
Hey dude, you said it, not me. You won't hear those words outta my mouth again, I swear.
He holds up his right hand as if he's being sworn in in a courtroom.
LAURIE
Yeah honey, you have a way of doing those things to death. He apologized about ten years ago, so just let it drop!
RUFUS
All right.
LAURIE
Besides, you can see he's not as dumb as you thought: he knows his right hand from his left.
Now TONY drops his hand and gives her a disgusted look.
TONY
Are you makin' funna me?
LAURIE
Yes.
TONY
Come on, what did I ever do to you?
LAURIE
OK, I'm sorry.
TONY
Geez; I oughtta know that much; I've been in court enough times. . . .But that's all I'm gonna say about that.
LAURIE
We're not asking.
TONY
Unfortunately my little brother learned a lotta his bad habits from me. . . .but that's all I'm gonna say about that.
LAURIE
Did we ask you?
MARY
Hey, quit talkin' about court, OK? I'm tryin' not to think about that
But now she is thinking about it. She holds up the beer in her hand and comments to no one in particular.
MARY
Just for havin' one of these in the wrong place...
Now ECKHARDT, who is standing close by, puts a comforting arm around her.
ECKHARDT
It will all be over soon. You have nothing to worry about.
Now the opeming credits begin to roll, superimposed on the continuing party scene. Once they are finished, the scene fades out.
Then fade in to
INT. MARY'S LIVING ROOM--MORNING
It is the morning of June 26th. RUFUS and LAURIE are still in their double sleeping bag on the living room floor, just waking up. LAURIE opens her eyes, looks at the clock and sees that it is a little after nine. Then she hears MARY rummaging around in the bedroom closet. Her eyes open a little wider.
LAURIE
Woa, it's after nine and Mary hasn't left for work yet!
RUFUS is also just now opening his eyes.
RUFUS
(drowsily) Maybe she doesn't feel good.
INT. MARY'S BEDROOM--DAY
MARY is sitting on the bed, still in her nightgown. She is staring gloomily into the closet at her large collection of shoes. A couple beats of this, then there is a light tap on the door.
LAURIE
Mary, are you OK?
MARY
(distractedly) Come on in.
LAURIE opens the door, but remains standing in the doorway.
LAURIE
Is anything wrong?
MARY sighs and continues staring into the closet.
MARY
I can't decide what shoes to wear.
LAURIE
(gently) Well, uh--you're not dressed yet either.
MARY
Yeah.
LAURIE
Don't you usually decide what dress to wear first, and then pick out the shoes?
MARY
(still distracted) Yeah.
LAURIE
Feeling a little out of sorts? Because you have to go to court tomorrow?
MARY
Yeah, maybe. I don't know.
LAURIE
Maybe you should just call in sick today. Give yourself a break. You're already late as it is.
MARY
D'ya think?
Now LAURIE ventures to come in and sit down on the bed next to her.
LAURIE
You're driving yourself crazy over this, Mary. It's not gonna be that bad.
Now MARY looks at her.
MARY
You can say that, 'cause you've been through it all before. But I haven't.
LAURIE
Well, like Rufus said, consider it an initiation.
MARY
(scornfully) Initiation! I don't really want to be a member of that club! No offense.
LAURIE
Well, it doesn't look like you'll have to be now.
MARY ignores this comment and raises her voice a little more.
MARY
After all, it was your idea to go to that stupid park! Otherwise I wouldn't be in this mess now!
LAURIE grimaces.
LAURIE
Oh dear, are you blaming me for that? I am dreadfully sorry!
MARY sighs and her voice softens again.
MARY
No, it wasn't really your fault. It was my stupidity for opening a beer too soon.
LAURIE
Well, if you want to play the blame game, you could also say it was Rufus's fault for underestimating how much gas we'd need; otherwise we wouldn't even have gone into the town.
MARY
Or I could say it was his fault for having the idea to go up there in the first place.
LAURIE
And he would say it was the cops' fault for being such pigs. No, it wasn't anybody's fault. We all just let our guards down a little too much, too soon. We couldn't have known what would happen.
MARY
Yeah.
LAURIE
Look, why don't you just take the day off? You're entitled to a mental health day now and then. You're so distracted right now, you probably wouldn't be able to concentrate at work anyhow; you'd mess up everything you try to do.
MARY
Yeah, probably.
LAURIE
And maybe go out to dinner with Eckhardt tonight or something? It might take your mind off it.
MARY considers this.
MARY
I don't think it'll take my mind off it, but it might be a good idea anyhow.
LAURIE
Sure. You have his support; you're gonna get through this just fine.
Then they both look up as RUFUS appears in the doorway.
RUFUS
Well, the coffee's almost ready, you two. And if you want my opinion, I agree: it was the cops' fault.
EXT. STREET--DAY
It is early morning on MARY's court day. She and LAURIE are standing on the sidewalk outside the van while RUFUS unlocks the doors. MARY is dressed up as she usually would be for the office, in a light peach-colored jacket dress. Her fingers are sporting three new cubic zirconia rings that glisten like diamonds in the early morning sunshine. She is holding a stylish overnight bag with a change of clothes in it.
MARY
(nervously) Do you mind if I sit in the front seat this time, Laurie? I don't wanna wrinkle my dress.
LAURIE
No, of course not. You sure do look nice today.
Now the doors are unlocked. MARY climbs in the front seat and LAURIE in the back.
INT. VAN--DAY
RUFUS starts up the engine and they head out. LAURIE continues her train of thought.
LAURIE
I was gonna say, though, Mary, you might have to take your jewelry off to go through the metal detector.
RUFUS
They might not even have one of those in a small-town courthouse; we'll find out soon enough.
MARY looks fondly at her rings.
MARY
Eckhardt gave me these rings to wear for good luck. Wasn't that sweet?
LAURIE smiles affectionately.
LAURIE
He is a sweetheart; I knew he was. . . .Too bad he couldn't come along today, though.
MARY
Yeah, well, it woulda looked a little too suspicious if we both called in sick on the same day. The people in the office are pretty much onto us now.
LAURIE
At least I didn't have to lie to get off work; I managed to persuade one of the other girls to take my shift for the next two days. So now we get the whole weekend in the woods!
MARY
The only bad part is Eckhardt won't know till Sunday night what happened to me.
LAURIE
But he knows it won't be anything that horrible. Didn't he even offer to help you pay your fine?
MARY laughs a little despite her nervousness.
MARY
Yeah, but I told him if it's only fifteen bucks I think I can manage it.
INT. COURTHOUSE LOBBY--DAY
This is indeed a rather quaint small-town courthouse, though there is a fair amount of activity. There are just two courtrooms on the ground floor. There is also a second story that has a probation office and a few other things. MARY, RUFUS and LAURIE are sitting on a bench outside one courtoom, looking anxiously around at all the people coming in.
LAURIE
You were right, honey--this place is almost civilized! I'm really surprised we didn't get searched; plus there's even mirrors in the bathroom and doors on the stalls!
RUFUS
Yeah, but it's probably only a matter of time before that changes--if there really are meth labs in this town like that cop said.
MARY
And speakin' of that cop, I don't see him anywhere, or his partner either. Don't cases get thrown out if the arresting officer doesn't show up?
RUFUS
Some cases, yes. But for this kind the cop doesn't even have to testify. Sorry.
MARY
Damn!
LAURIE
Mary, the judge is just gonna scold you like a naughty kid with her hand in the cookie jar. He knows perfectly well you weren't doing any harm just by having one lousy beer in that park.It's just a show they have to put on to make it look like they care about law and order and justice, but all they care about is getting their damn money. It's revenue to keep their town running.
MARY
So they can keep payin' the cops' salaries, so the cops can keep on bustin' people for open beers.
LAURIE chuckles.
LAURIE
There, now you're getting the picture!
RUFUS
Sure, these lower courts are nothing but glorified collection agencies. Do you know how many of those fifteen-dollar fines they pull in every week from poor suckers who were just in the wrong place at the wrong time?
LAURIE
Yeah, you probably won't be the only one today. There'll probably be several other cases just like yours, and each one won't take more than about five minutes.
RUFUS
Like I've told you before, Mary, law enforcement serves a very important function. It gives people the illusion of being safe and protected. Otherwise they wouldn't want to live in the town and pay property taxes.
MARY
Which also pay cops' salaries.
RUFUS
Of course. They have to have state troopers to harass people like us on the road; that also makes people feel safer.
MARY tries to smile, but still looks miserable.
LAURIE
Like I said, your case won't take more than five minutes; it'll be over before you know it.
MARY
(grimly) But it might take half an hour before I even get called.
RUFUS
Not if they go down the list alphabetically; then you'll be closer to the beginning.
MARY reflects on this.
MARY
I'd hate to one of the people whose last names start with "Z". They don't ever wanna get busted for nuthin!
Then this comment is rejoined by a familiar voice off-screen.
TERRY
Nobody wants to get busted for nuthin'! Mine starts with "S", and I've had some long waits.
They all three look up in surprise. Then LAURIE exclaims as she had the other time TERRY popped up unexpectedly.
LAURIE
Terry! Is this a deja vu?
Again the camera switches to TERRY's smiling face.
TERRY
Remember, you told me when the court date was. I decided I'd try and make it.
LAURIE
Cool! You will be joining the party then.
MARY
So now I got three people to hold my hands.
LAURIE
And three rings from Eckhardt. That should be good luck enough!
(Then to TERRY) What about Roberta? Is she coming too?
TERRY
She might be joining us a little later on; she still has some business in town.
RUFUS looks at the clock on the wall and sees it is almost nine.
RUFUS
Well, folks, I'm afraid it's showtime.